MindForce: Mental Fitness & Life Stories!
Welcome to the show! We're on a mission to explore diverse perspectives and topics through podcasts and social media accounts. Tune in to 'MindForce' for insightful discussions on mental fitness and self-care strategies. Join us on 'Carer Stories' as we delve into the fascinating world of the Air Force, learning from professionals across various career fields and various other career stories. Follow us for engaging content and stay connected to broaden your horizons!
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MindForce: Mental Fitness & Life Stories!
From Battlefield to Business: Hope Skibitsky on Military Transition, Mentorship, and Civilian Success
Ever wondered how a decorated Air Force Chief adapts to civilian life? Join us as Hope Skibitsky, a retired Air Force Chief, takes us on her compelling journey from military service to civilian success. From starting with just a toothbrush to achieving high-ranking positions, Hope’s story is one you won't want to miss. She shares invaluable insights on the importance of mentorship, continuous learning, and the adaptability required for career transitions, both in the military and civilian worlds.
Hope also opens up about the often-overlooked responsibilities within military life, such as organizing community events, and the emotional toll of leaving a structured environment. We discuss the challenges of maintaining connections post-retirement and the balance between the military’s supportive yet intrusive nature and the abrupt silence that follows retirement. This conversation sheds light on the emotional and social impacts of transitioning out of the military, underscoring the importance of self-care and seeking help early.
Finally, we delve into the professional hurdles faced during the transition, such as navigating the VA system and translating military skills into civilian terms. Hope shares her journey into professional coaching and career transitions, offering practical advice on forming an LLC and leveraging past leadership experience. She highlights techniques for maintaining mental fitness, celebrating small wins, and the critical role of effective communication and organizational skills. Join us for a heartfelt and informative discussion that offers a roadmap for a smoother transition from military to civilian life.
Hi, I'm your host, nate Shear, and this is Mindforce, the podcast for love, life and learning, where your mind matters. Today we have Hope Skibitsky and we're going to be talking about military transition and how best to exit the military and go on and move on with your life after the military. Hope it's kind of crazy to even say Hope after the military. Hope it's kind of crazy to even say Hope. She's someone that I've looked up to and outranked me for a long period of my time. She's an absolute beast. She left for with a toothbrush in her backpack and she's been featured in magazines, probably on AFN, I don't know, but she's done a lot of different things, been an outstanding example for women and really all airmen, and so I'd like to open the floor to you to just kind of give us a little bit of background about yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, I, as you alluded, came into the military with very little, but it was a. It was what I didn't even know was an opportunity. I was a medic by training. I took a little bit of time to do some education and training as well as health and wellness. I went to be a military training instructor, aka drill sergeant, and then I had the privilege to go back into my career field for a little while, try out a different set of things within the hospital walls, different set of things within the hospital walls, became a career assistance advisor, helping people understand how to navigate their way through military career change and changes the military was imposing on us. And then I promoted, made chief, moved up the leadership ladder, had two different host wing command chief jobs and then retired as the Air Force Installation Mission Support Center command chief here in San Antonio.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. One thing I want to touch a note on here I love stories, I'm a big storyteller and so I find it interesting. You do these things as your job in the military and you never know the impact and the far reaching. You know who it's going to impact and things like that. So hope helped me transition from one career field to another as my career as a census advisor, and forever changed my life.
Speaker 1:And it's funny because I went through basic training and at one point in time I had a substitute MTI that came and watched over our flight and I remember him saying he was stationed at Travis and he was medical.
Speaker 1:But you're in complete fear at that point, so you don't really retain much other than you're freaked out and there's people with smoky bear hats walking around. And so it wasn't until many years later I was stationed at Travis, not medical, but I was in a briefing for an all call Commanders, call it the briefing, and they were having some issues with dress and appearance and some other things, and so they had two airmen that were standing on the front of the stage of a Travis and this person that I knew very distinctly the voice came down, you know, shouting commands and lighting these two people up that are on the stage, for you know their incorrect appearance. And it was Justin, which is Hope's husband, and so he was my fill in substitute military training instructor and he was terrifying. He's, he was involved and yeah, just amazing. And I'd like to note that both Hope and Justin were blue ropes. So not only go into these different things. They are the best at whatever they do.
Speaker 1:So, for all the listeners that are not aware, blue Rope is the top 10% of all military training instructors, so it's already an honor to get there and then to be the best. The best is amazing, so I'd like to give you a chance to ask me a question before we dive into the interview. But that's a fun story and it's crazy you never know how many lives you're going to reach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you mentioned that we had met before and that we worked our way through you finding career change, and so you have had the opportunity to do a transition that was probably outside of a comfort zone. As we talk about transitioning, what did you find helpful as you made your way into this new, potentially scary and uncomfortable environment that was retrain, I think, is the term we used to use for it? What did you do and what would you suggest to other people that are, whether they're in the military or outside of the military, having to make a career change, whether it's voluntary or involuntary? What kind of things would you recommend?
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I think the thing that I would recommend and I feel like a lot of the things I say are cheesy and cliche, but if I really feel that you know, that's what I have to say and so I would say learn. I mean I know that probably sounds, you know, kind of boring and things like that, but when I went from air traffic to contracting, you sit there and learn, and then I was able to become picked up as a medical service corps officer and then again learning, but not ever taking, you know, the knowledge and experiences around you for granted. So you know, find the senior NCO or find you know the older civilian that's been there and just rocking it for 20 years, and so I know that's said a lot, but I'd have to just reiterate and kind of foot stomp that again like find the people that have been doing it that know how to do it and then work through you know the changes and things like that later on. I know we talk about like the 90-day rule where you're not kicking in the door and trying to change everything. So I think that kind of plays into that. Get in there, learn, you know, read the things. You need to sit with the people that have been doing it and then later on try to work on some of those changes.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of us are a type personalities who want to fix things. We want to change things, and that's fine, but you have to understand the baseline for what's going on. So I think, learn I mean just keep that mantra for the first year of trying to figure out what you do and how you fit into the picture, and things like that. So I remember I got picked up to be a MSC and one of the things I talked to the person that did my interview. I said I'd like to continue going to school. You know, I had my bachelor's and I'd like to continue into my master's. And I was like, do you have any tips for me? And she said do not start for at least 12 months. Put something on your calendar for 12 months Learn your job, be proficient You're still in LT and learning and messing things up, but proficient enough before you try to take on one other thing. And so I thought that was a really good recommendation.
Speaker 2:I marked that on the calendar and then, when the 12 months came up, I reevaluated what was going on to decide if I was going to start school back up again, but really just learn, yeah, no, I think that's good advice, and when you think about it. So we just lost chief master of the Air Force number five, rob Gaylor, and he used to talk about how he was, and he used to talk about how he was selected to go do different things within the walls of the Air Force and it never seemed to come at a convenient time and it was always going to be this thing that was going to impact his family. But he always saw it as opportunity, because it was. You know.
Speaker 2:One, the mindset that you go into something will definitely drive the way you feel about it. And two, if you didn't see it as opportunity, what's the alternative? Right? And so I think that that's what you're talking about. Right, there is when you say learn, give yourself an opportunity to actually enjoy it, get to know what you're doing there, see what it might be that you could like about it, even if it wasn't a voluntary change.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I think that's one thing that you know. It's difficult to get out of the comfort zone, like you had mentioned, but you're never going to grow or try other things. I feel like there's so many people and I think the military does better than most you know we get out and experience things. You have a lot of people that are in the same small town in the middle of nowhere and they believe that's like the best thing ever and you know, maybe it is and maybe they need to. You know end up going back there, but if you've never had any experience, like how do you really know that's the best thing out there? I think one thing I struggle with a lot myself is that imposter syndrome you get thrown into these new roles and things like this.
Speaker 1:But one thing I heard the other day and I wish I could quote it, but I've been trying to rely on it because when I do struggle. It talked about your being like almost disrespectful to the people that have helped you and guided you and got you to the place that you are. You have been through trainings and TDYs and been through all these things. You are prepared or you wouldn't have ended up there, and so it's almost like you know the people that did your interview or you know whatever it was requirement wise to get you there. Someone signed off. You know either that's your WAPS testing or you know whatever it was. There was some qualification to get you there, and so to have that doubt it's almost like disrespectful. So I try to kind of reflect on that. Someone believed enough to be able to sign off on these things, and so I need to do the best I can every day and make it a little bit better the day before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's a great point. I have to talk myself back in off the ledge for stuff like that too, because I think, well gosh, I've only done this once. Does that make me qualified to be a subject matter expert? Or I've not done this thing, but I've only done something somewhat similar. Should I tell somebody before they really think I'm good at this? And I have to think about? I think like of Apollo 13,. Right, they had never yet had to figure out how to fix that particular problem. And when that problem came upon itself yes, they're pulling from subject matter experts on repairs and flight and space travel, but that problem was new. So even your subject matter experts were novice at this particular thing and they had to work their way through it. And so you know every single one of us as prepared as we can be to go into something, and then you just kind of got to learn your way through it.
Speaker 1:And one thing I want to touch on. I touched on it briefly in the interview with Chief Ronnie Woods as well, but some people get frustrated in the military with the bake sale or you know, fill in the negative connotation type thing. But that was something I was glad we touched on in that interview. Because people are like, well, you're leaving your job and you're not doing and I'm sure there needs to be some balance of you know, learning your job and you know not doing extracurricular activities. But those activities you know time management, project management, dealing with people, all these things where people are like, well, they're just out of work and they're just trying to skate or you know whatever again, negative thing but those skills, like you're saying, are going to be adjacent to other things and so that parallel between the two is really important.
Speaker 1:So I wish more people would see that as that opportunity and learning and positive. You know, hopefully not out all the time, but those things are important. It's not to get out of something, but you're going to use project management in some form or fashion later on. So it's the Air Force ball like oh well, you're not, I'm not going to learn it, I'm just I got a ball and told but I don't think so. I think you're getting that parallel experience.
Speaker 2:Well, and from a different lens, if you think of all those extra things that happen on an installation the holiday parties or the awards banquets or the changes of command, like a lot of those things don't necessarily fall into somebody's job jar, and so who's going to do them, if not the person that's either volunteer to voluntold to go do it, and so they still have to happen.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think of this. I'm on a board of directors for a nonprofit at-risk youth organization, and here are these young kids that didn't ask to be in the positions that they're in, but they now have people that are willing to help them. But if everybody doesn't pitch in and do a little, it's not going to succeed. And so I'm giving of my time to try to help these young kids that I want to have a better future than perhaps is predicted for them right now. And so the same thing serves true on any installation. You want your family to have a place where they can go and feel connected, so that they'll stop griping in your ear about how much you're gone at work and they don't feel involved in all this stuff. Well, we've got to put on these things for those families to go to so they can feel a part of those things and they can be connected to them and they can appreciate more than just it's your job, because it's not just a job, it's your life and somebody's got to do it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Everyone wants the output, but I guess it's difficult to get the people that want to do the work.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:So let's move into the interview and get into the meat of this. The first question I'd like to ask you is what did you feel was the biggest shock leaving?
Speaker 2:How quiet a phone goes leaving. How quiet a phone goes, it's yeah, and, proverbially speaking, like when you're in the walls of the military your boss needs you because you didn't dot dot dot, or your subordinate needs you because they don't know how to dot dot dot. Or there's an exercise or there's a recall, or there's a fire in wherever and they want to know that you, your family's okay, or there's a recall, or there's a fire in wherever and they want to know that you, your family's okay, or it's the everyday grind If you carry a duty cell or any more. If you don't, it's the bring your own device kind of thing, and especially if you're in the role, like I was in, where you're getting phone calls in the middle of the night because someone's hospitalized or who knows whatever, and then you turn your devices over and you walk out the door and the machine is still running and the wheels are still turning and everybody's still doing their thing.
Speaker 2:And either they believe she's out in a sailboat enjoying her time and I'm going to let her revel in it, or they think she's too busy for us now, or they don't think at all because the machine is still rolling and so you go from a phone that won't stop buzzing or a doorbell that won't stop ringing or a calendar that's so full you can't get a sheet of paper between the appointments to. All of a sudden everything's blank and everybody's gone and you can hear the tinnitus in your ears because it's just you and whether it's done, you know, because they're glad to see you go or just because the machine is still running. It's a very lonely feeling to all of a sudden be in that silence where nobody's looking for you.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. So I'm curious. I've heard you know younger airmen. Sometimes they feel that being in the military is a little more obtrusive and you know in their business and things like that. But it's interesting to hear the other side of that. When you do get hurt or something happens, someone's tracking and aware of that. So how do you see that know? Is there a? I guess there must be a balance between you know being overreaching but being part of you know the, the machine there. So how do you see that balance playing out?
Speaker 2:well, I mean, that's a tough one because for me, like I would have expected that all the people that I you know not just acquaintances but friends that someone would have called and said, hey, hope let's get together for coffee or hey, let's have lunch, or how's that retirement thing going? You know, and my best friend, active duty would often make her supervisor her point of contact in the event that something happened to her and she was hospitalized and they needed to call someone as soon as she retired. She was like I don't know who to put locally that could be the person to come get me or to check on me. And so, again, you know, one of the reasons why I chose to leave when I chose to leave is because your family gets a vote right and I had spent too much time in my career being in those retirement ceremonies where the right side of the auditorium all the coworkers and everything is just plumb full and the left side is speckled at best, front row is empty because the families have left, the kids don't speak to you, all that stuff is, and now you're going to have to go out there, be on your own.
Speaker 2:And I opted not to do that, so I let my family have a vote and I put my family in priority, because every single military member has an expiration date and I wanted to make sure that post expiration regardless of whether it was my choice or theirs, I was still going to have a family sitting on the left side of that auditorium, and so, luckily for me, I still had a family connection, which is great. It was the silence that spoke louder than anything else, when you kind of expected all the people that were your friends and were asking you to lunch or were calling you because they needed a thing. Nobody was calling, nobody was, you know, checking.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. So I guess the other half of that question that feels more like on the personal side. So what would you say? Work-wise, the Air Force did not prepare you for upon departure, so the same thing.
Speaker 2:Well. So that's a difficult question because it really depends on when you choose to leave. Did you have a plan? How long did you know before you had to leave? How much of the transition training and stuff did you have an opportunity to do before you had to leave? How much of the transition training and stuff did you have an opportunity to do before you walked out the door? So preparation is relative and so it really is case dependent, and in my case it was a pretty quick turn, and so some of the resources that other people might've had access to or were able to utilize, um, maybe weren't things that I had the opportunity to take advantage of.
Speaker 1:So when you did go to transition, what were some of the job searching tools or networking platforms or what did you use to transition?
Speaker 2:So I tried to use job search things like Glassdoor and Indeed, but what I found from a lot of those is that any of the jobs that are available on there, by the time you apply or reach out, they had either already filled the job but can't take the ad down until the job is like solidified, or they already had an idea of someone internal that they wanted to fleet up into that position, but they were obligated to advertise it. And so you know, I didn't find those necessarily successful. What I did find helpful LinkedIn in general, just you know, building connectivity, doing some informational interviews, finding out what is out there is a great platform. But I also really enjoyed a lot of the transition options that the civilian sector has that says, hey, like Hire Our Heroes, for example, or CMA, would give you the opportunity to go through one of their transition things and they actually put you in touch with people that are hiring authorities or people that work with recruiters. That kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:So a lot of people say, oh, just get out, you have military experience, you've been a supervisor, you've led Everyone's going to want to just scoop you up. Do you find that is as true as it really is, or is that just kind of maybe a little overhype?
Speaker 2:uh. So I think there's a bit of overhype there. I do think that there's some validity in it, right, like you see, those people that have 10, 12 years of college, the bachelor's, the master's, the fellowship, the certifications, but they don't have, you know, but five seconds worth of application and so they might put on their resume. I've got a PhD in butterfly basket weaving, but they don't have any experience weaving the basket or catching the butterflies, right, I guess I should say net. And so you know like experience matters.
Speaker 2:And so it doesn't matter if your experience was, you know, being a defender or being a logistician or being a maintainer. You have a lot of work, ethic, attention to detail, following instructions, leading. I mean, we start leading people formally and informally from the time we have two stripes on our arms right, so you can capture a lot of that stuff. But the important part is learning how to translate it, because I could say aubergine all day long, but most Americans are like what the heck is that? You're like, oh, eggplant, right. And so until you can figure out how to make common civilian sector understand what you did, it doesn't matter if you hung the moon.
Speaker 1:So we kind of touched on things that you were not prepared for. I'm curious, you know going through TAP or you know GPS or whatever it's called now. What was something that you were overly prepared or knew everything about, but it didn't really help you at all.
Speaker 2:So I mean, I guess that's difficult because there's a lot of like hey, let's run you through this educational portion of TAP if you think you want to go to school when you get out, or let's run you through this entrepreneurial portion of TAP. So there was a whole lot of information and I mean they flooded you with it. And I don't know, I don't know how good everybody else is, but if I turn a cup up and there's so much, it's going to run all over my face, down my shirt, like I'm not going to be able to ingest it. And so to me it was so much information in such a small amount of time that retaining it was part of the issue. Having points of contact I mean they gave me points of contact that when you try to reach out to them, you might as well have been trying to reach them in, because you'd never get return phone calls. So when you're like, hey, you mentioned this, can you elaborate on that? I don't know what that is, there was nobody there to help, or at least in my experience. So they give you a ton of information that you might potentially need.
Speaker 2:But, like, my biggest thing was what do I want to be when I grow up. And so it's hard, like do I take your educational route? Oh, I don't know. Should I go your entrepreneurial route? Oh, I don't know. Should I go to some of your job fairs for job placement? I don't know. And so for me the hard part was there really were a lot of tools that were made available, but I hadn't yet decided like what I wanted to do, enough to exercise the path that would have made it less overwhelming. So to me it was just a whole bunch of ingredients that didn't make a thing.
Speaker 1:Was there something you prepared for and put a lot of energy in and you got out and realized that was no big deal?
Speaker 2:So I thought that I had to do just a junk ton of go to the doctor and get things outlined Like I had done a pretty good job over the course of my career of going to the doctor if I needed to go to a doctor. But I'm the worst Medics, make the worst patients Because I didn't want to clut up an ER or take an appointment that wasn't necessary. I would often you know home treat or you know search engine some cell phone remedy, and so I thought, golly, every ache pain crick I need to go see a doctor to get it in my medical records. Then when I started doing the BDD, the before discharge VA disability submission, I'm like, oh, I have it all in my records. They're like that's cute. And I'm like no, no, no but I. And they're like uh-huh, that's interesting. They're like that's cute and I'm like, no, no, no, but I and they're like, uh-huh, that's interesting. Now there was a point later on where somebody would say oh well, if you already have your medical record, that would be interesting and you can bring that. That would solidify the thing we already found, because it doesn't matter if you tell the VA like my eyebrow has this scar that I got when a round backfired, and now I can't blink entirely. They're going to be like interesting, let's send you to one of our doctors and let them look at it. And then if they find a thing, they're like oh, did you know you have like a muscle atrophy. Because I'm like oh, I didn't know that. But I have a thing from when I went to the ER and they did have to do some and they're like oh, let us see that that might be interesting. But I did so much additional work. Thinking Now I should caveat this with. That served me well, because normally when people get ready to separate, they have a better. I think it's called a, it's a BSO, but I don't know what that stands for. Um, or they have someone within the VA that kind of helps them file their BDD.
Speaker 2:I couldn't find an anybody. I worked in Bayer County, I lived in Como County. Nobody could point me in a direction. I couldn't find anybody to help me. Everybody I did find says oh, we're Bayer County, your Como can't help you, and so I had a very, very difficult time finding help. So I ended up having to file on my own, which I don't recommend to anybody because it is an arduous task. It is not intuitive and it is. I mean, I will tell you. I shed 12,000 tears Like why me, how come I can't find anybody to help me? Um, so for me it was good to have all the documentation. I tell myself that I, because I did it, I couldn't find help. Right, I'm just kidding, but yeah, so I think that I may be overprepared on that. It actually served me well, because most people that I know who did have someone to help them file the VA is going to do all their own homework anyways, so you can tell them anything and they're going to do their own searching your person to find the ailment.
Speaker 1:So make sure you find a VA rep.
Speaker 2:That's right. Find help, find help. That's what I will tell you. Find help.
Speaker 1:So that's a good point. I like that you brought that up because I feel the same way. Being someone that's related to you know, patient care, even on the admin side, and looking at templates and things like that, I feel some type of way about you know taking up a slot that could be used for somebody. So someone gets to their last two, three years or whatever. What is your advice with trying to make sure all those things are good before you leave?
Speaker 2:So I would say a few things are true. Take care of your human. You only get the one. And when you walk out of the door this is in the military. The day you retire not your ceremony, but you retire you're at the back of the pharmacy line, you're at the back of the PCM appointment line. You are not a priority for referrals, like all of these things, and it's not anybody being mean, it's that our active duty have to take priority. We've got a. We've got a wartime mission and these folks need to be wartime ready.
Speaker 2:And so the assumption is always oh the retiree, they got more time. We're going to leave them in the pharmacy sitting for you know, five hours for their prescription. I probably am exaggerating, but I'm not sure Anyways. And so just take care of your person. Don't pile things up until the end. I mean, that's like anything else. Saving your receipts for a whole year before you balance your checkbook is a dumb idea. So you know, just stay on top of it. Take care of yourself. See a provider when you need to see a provider. You and me, as medical admin and medical, earn our medical benefits like anybody else. You know, use it, but at the same time, if your child is teething and has 103 fever, have you tried children's Tylenol before you took them to the ER? I'm just asking for a friend, right?
Speaker 1:That's funny. I saw a thing where they did a research and they found that if you have a $1 copay it reduces some crazy amount. Like 60% of people walking in Just a dollar, just the hesitation to like do I really need to go in? No, that's interesting.
Speaker 2:People don't always understand that, but I'm glad, I'm glad you get it. You get it.
Speaker 1:I'd be okay with the $1, like just to make things a little smoother. I'm sure that's probably a hot take, but everyone can afford a dollar, I don't know. But anyway, I want to back up real quick just to hear your take on tap. I wish I knew what it was currently called, but it's changed a couple of times. But you said drinking from that fire hose and I feel like I completely agree. When there's so much information coming at you, there's no way you're going to retain. So if you could change one thing, would you want to see multiple incidences six months a year?
Speaker 2:How would maybe that play out a little bit better where you could digest. So obviously, never having been a provider of tap, it's hard to make a great suggestion because it's always easier to be the side seat quarterback that says here's how I would change it. Well, obviously we're resource constrained, we're human constrained to deliver said resource. So the thing that I would offer is one give real contact info. If someone says, hey, I'm the subject matter expert on this topic, here's a crap ton of information.
Speaker 2:Here's how you reach me, even if it's an email address or telephone number, make it valid contact information. That way, if I decide, hey, that's the avenue I need to go, who do I reach out to? Because then after that you call back, say, hey, military Family Readiness Center, I went through X training and this, oh oh, you're already retired. Oh yeah, let me get them to call you back, and whether that was the intended message or not. But then you feel like golly, like did everybody else retain this but me, right? Or you know, they do try to send you a lot of the resources, which is good, with an asterisk, some of that stuff. You read through and it's like what does this mean and how do I fill this out and you know, I don't think I'm an absolute idiot, and so if I'm finding some of that stuff difficult to navigate.
Speaker 1:I have to assume others are as well. Absolutely, I'm sure that's difficult, so really got to make sure you find a human on the other side of the phone.
Speaker 2:Contact information. I think that would be the biggest improvement is give me a way to call back and ask for help or to email and ask for help.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, that's a good one. I'd like to know this is probably a tough one, but I'd like to see if you can narrow it down to one one skill you know in parentheses, or quotation skill. So whatever you want it to be, prepared you the most to succeed on the outside skill.
Speaker 2:So whatever you want it to be, prepared you the most to succeed on the outside Organization. Yeah, so in my time, obviously as a medic, right, let's just use IV therapy as an example. Like you don't inject the needle before you prime the line, you don't inject the needle before you've cleaned the skin, you don't inject the needle before you've found the vein, like. So there was a very detailed like here's how you do the process in order to be the most successful and create the least amount of pain for your patient. Right, I know that's a terrible analogous, but that is where it got started. Then I went to be an MTI and there was weekly activity schedules and in each week there were things that these recruits had to be able to do and the timeframe by which they had to accomplish it, and so it just really taught organization prioritizing.
Speaker 2:There are only 24 hours in the day and 16 waking hours more if you are an MTI, but 16 waking hours and so you can't have a balance. You have to be able to prioritize, and it's because everything isn't going to get done in a day. If everything's an emergency, nothing's an emergency. So what thing has to happen today and then what, in what order? Right. We have a tendency to try to do all the easy stuff first.
Speaker 2:Because it was easy, let me just check it off, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was the most important thing. So you might be able to break an important thing up and get started on the important thing and then do some easy stuff, make yourself feel better, give yourself a designated amount of time tomorrow, and so prepping for my transition, having those skills helped me, like what things do I need to do for the VA Check? What things do I need to do to out process the Air Force Check? What things do I need to do to follow up, make sure my pay is right, right follow up, make sure my pay is right. And then when I get my DD-214, who needs that? So having the organization not only helped with my transition but has helped with applying for roles in different positions, asking, doing my own business development, that kind of thing. So it's just organization has been the most beneficial thing for me. Organization has been the most beneficial thing for me.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. Was there anything you did as a command chief, like filtering your email or something you still do today?
Speaker 2:I do. So I had this great individual who said hey look, there are probably things that you have ruled right. You can set up a rule that says, if this, then that, and it filters to another folder. What I found later on in my command chief time is that some of the stuff that was ruled it was ruled either by person or by committee. And then I would go to a meeting and they would say, hey, chief, so we had sent you that thing and you were gonna. And I was like, oh, because by rule, that went into a folder and I never saw it.
Speaker 2:So I quit doing that and what I started doing is, by this IT person's suggestion, keep it in the day of a quick filter by from, so that I could go do a quick glance at all the things that were coming in and move those things in bulk to the folder that I could go back to when I had a chance. But I did a quick scan on and then I started telling people when I would sit in meetings if you send something to me that I need to action, put me in the two block, not the CC block, and at me, because you can, at somebody, and then it pops in as though they were talking to you. So if I said at Nate Shear, in the body of my message, it would ping you that I've drawn attention to you. This isn't just informational, and so having people at me and making sure I was in the two block if it was action versus information, and so I I have carried that on.
Speaker 2:When I talk to people, hey, when you send me a thing, please at me if it's action, the required of me so that I can put it in my calendar and make sure, because you know emails are voluminous, you get things from a lot of different people in places, especially as you transition. Things are coming in from the VA military family readiness center, other places that you've done transition workshops with people that you're asking for informational interviews from, and so things as you prioritize them, you want to put them on your calendar, and so some of the stuff they were just sending me, bulks of information. Hey, in case you're interested, if you wanted to know, I needed to make sure I didn't spend so much time reading those that I was missing the things that required my attention that's awesome.
Speaker 1:I had no idea you could act. So you learn something every day. I did find one I used to use. I haven't used it in my fellowship, just because I'm in a kind of a different role right now, but I found one where if it's to you and only you, it makes it like red, bold, like the biggest font it can, and then it's red if it's to you and others, and then green if it's CC'd and add this whole thing, which is really nice Because at a glance to your point, like the higher font, the larger fonts, like I'm the only one this went to, so if I don't do anything, no one's going to do anything and then the two there's a couple on it and then the green, like usually just CC'd, and so, definitely to your point, like just informational, it's usually the CC. So that's a good, a good point. But I'd like to ask you, what are you doing now and how does it relate to your service?
Speaker 2:to ask you, what are you doing now and how does it relate to your service? So I decided to. So it was just before I left, before I retired. I had decided to start doing some consulting and some leadership development, some coaching. And so I the companies that I was doing this contracted work for cause I was doing it under a 1099 premise. They didn't want to pay Hope Skibitsky, they wanted to pay an entity. So I started an LLC and then I took a W2 job, did some learning and development stuff. Found there were parts of that I didn't really love and parts I did love stuff. Found there were parts of that I didn't really love and parts I did love, which was the actual leadership development and some of the sidebar coaching that people would reach in and say, hey, I'm trying to tell my person that they're missing the mark on these things, how would you recommend? And so I really started to find I liked that my company did some downsizing and my position was eliminated.
Speaker 2:So my very first civilian job. I found myself without a job and at first I was like, oh gosh, what do I do with my life? And then I'm like you know what? I started this LLC, let me do something with it. So what I started doing is building my brand. So I started a consulting, leadership and coaching company.
Speaker 2:Right now I'm still doing 1099 work under a bunch of other different headings working for them because I figure I would do business for them until I was ready to do business for myself, because I'm going to take some time and build my own curriculum and do some you know bringing in of my own clients. But in the interim I'm working for some really great, super reputable companies that have under my umbrella hope as a strategy, because I'm your strategy for team and professional development. And so it's just been fun. It's been a fun exploration journey. It's been scary, actually. It's been a lot of learning. I've reconnected with a ton of people that I knew and loved within the walls of the military that are also retirees like me now, as we all, sort of baby giraffe, figure our way through what this new civilian thing is.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. I'm curious. I mean maybe me personally. I don't quite understand the coaching thing. I feel like a lot of people have gotten into it. I know Chief Simmons, my command chief at Edwards. He has courageous leadership and there's a few different things that are going out there when people are branching out. So if someone was listening and they weren't really sure what this coaching thing was, how would you describe it in a short time frame? Absolutely, how would you describe it in a short time frame?
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. If you think of coaching in a sport, you have a person who has some subject matter expertise in that arena and they can watch what you're doing and they can tell you put more elbow into that, lean in further. You need to watch what you're eating. You've got to, but you've got to take initiative, you've got to decide what direction you're going, you've got to execute on each of the different things, and then you've got to come back to me and say you know, my, my, I'm going to make this analogous up my jump shot, just still I can't get it right.
Speaker 2:Or I find myself always, you know, behind the person I'm supposed to be in front of. Like what kind of things should I be doing differently? Well, the same is true not just in sport, but in careers, and so you'll find people that have taken on a new role and they need to learn how to demonstrate their professional person in a powerful way, without coming across as that person that feels like they need to be a jerk to everybody just to prove they have the most power in the room. Or you've got somebody who they are a technical expert, but they have now started a company and so they don't know anything about connecting with clients, being in the room with other CEOs, that kind of emotional intelligence thing. Your self-regulation help people grow into their new careers, repair places that they feel they have shortfalls, get stronger in areas that they want to see improve, and so it's just like athletic coaching but it is professional coaching, so did you get any certifications or anything specific to that or anything else.
Speaker 2:So I don't, yet I'm considering it. There is no requirement for coaching and, as a matter of fact, about the only time you need to have any of the certifications, because there's different levels and there's ones that are regional and blah, blah, blah. Some people care, some people don't. All you have to be and I heard this from a very great coach, jr Flatter, who is the founder, prior CEO, of Flatter Inc All you have to do is be one percent better than the person you're coaching. Right, and we knew this as senior airmen.
Speaker 2:You go through ALS and now you have people assigned to you and you're thinking how can I be their supervisor? And you think, well, what are some of the things I learned along the way that I wish somebody would have told me? Or what are some of the things that I stepped knee deep into that I learned really well because of how do I coach somebody through things that they are struggling with, how do I send them on assignment to do a couple of things to see how that feels, try it out for size, and so it's. There is certification available. There's no certification required, and if you have a reputation that says, hey, I was a successful leader, I can coach someone through leadership. Again, how did you write it in your resume, curriculum vitae, whatever to demonstrate your capability?
Speaker 2:Because I think about it this way when I um went to be a military training instructor, you would have master sergeants who had senior airmen as their trainers, because at that point in time, the senior airman was the subject matter expert. They had been a military training instructor for a year and a half, two years, and this master sergeant was new to this environment. So, though well grown and embedded in Air Force and their own technical expertise, this is foreign to them, and so that person can coach them through this. And so that's kind of where I'm at. There's a lot of people where they are. They are aware of the fact that some people are born with leadership. Some people can be taught or have to be taught it. Everyone can learn it.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. It reminds me it everyone can learn it. That's interesting. It reminds me I was doing a WIT Wing Inspection Team and watching over this team do SABC Care Under Fire I think at the time and there was a senior airman. She knew everything. There was this tech sergeant that was older and higher rank and so he was yelling and telling her to like pipe down and he was just messing up everything and I was like, oh, I just really want to step in, but I was evaluating. I was like the senior airman is killing it or could be, but sometimes the loudest voice in the room is not the best one to follow. Back to that difference to expertise. Like if you're the best one, regardless of you know rank and whatnot, you got to let the person that's done it, maybe more recently, take care of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and at the risk of beating this topic to death, the Navy just made a decision that they are going to allow people to join the Navy who don't have a high school diploma nor a GED, as long as they can make a certain score. I saw one article that called it AFCD, nope, asvab. And another one that called it AFOQT, so which one it is I haven't done my research on, but I had somebody ask me Hope, what do you think about that? Like are we what? Are we lowering their standards?
Speaker 2:I'm like I know plenty of people that made it through high school and couldn't make it in the outside world without a helmet. But I know a lot of people who, because of circumstance, either they got themselves into trouble minor trouble, but trouble and decided school wasn't it for them and dropped out, or they had family obligations and so they quit school to take care of their family, or, you know, they got pregnant and so school again wasn't a priority. So I know plenty of people who have the capacity to learn, tons of initiative, lots of brilliance, but they just didn't get the piece of paper. And I think we've put way too much stock in a piece of paper sometimes because you know, you've met people that have degrees that are absolute idiots. And so I'm like, hey, if we have people that are hungry to serve and they are no kidding, demonstrating at least their their ability to keep learning, I say, bring it, we need them, we need people who want to serve.
Speaker 2:And so my point in that long ramble is that, you know, there's a lot of things that certifications exist for, there's a lot of things that degrees exist for. But I can't tell you how many times as a career advisor I saw people come to me and say, oh, I have this XYZ degree, but I can't get commissioned. And so I think I want to change careers or get out, or what should I do. And I'm like, or people that came into the Air Force with all these degrees but couldn't get commissioned because the degree wasn't something the Air Force needed. So again to your question do you have a certification? No, but for the thing I am coaching people through, I'm a subject matter expert.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I think there's a lot of things there is no paper for. I know I've met people, for example, through air traffic, very competitive, difficult career field, and some people felt weaker or lesser than and some of these people were dads or moms or had these different things and at home they're getting people to events on time at different schedules and they're rearranging things and doing this, and so you can have a long list of skills that doesn't relate to any paper. Like no one knows you do that, but you are keeping a house together and keeping a house together is a thing in and of itself, I think, but there's never going to be.
Speaker 1:Oh, you got your bachelor's and running a house. But if you're 30 and have four kids and you run around like crazy, I'm with you. If you can keep a house together or some other skill set, then come on in, let's teach them.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent.
Speaker 1:So I'm curious, since this is on mental fitness, I have to ask you I think one of the most difficult things, we kind of touched on it, but I just want to hit it head on. So you leave that first year or I don't know what exactly the timeframe is, but it's a difficult time and being asked out for lunch and dinner and you know those things you touched on what was your mental fitness? Did you change like a routine, or how did you get through that first year, or whatever the timeframe was, of feeling a little low and feeling like you're missing out on that camaraderie?
Speaker 2:So I'm still in that first year, I haven't hit my first year yet, and some of the things, in addition to what I mentioned, that is hard is like, you know, you get on an airplane and the person next to you says, oh, what do you do? And you say, oh, I'm in the um, uh, well, I was in the airport. You know, like it's not about a rank or a position or anything, it's like you lose your affiliation. You know you'll always be, you always be affiliated because you did it, but you're not doing it anymore. It's all of the people that ever sits around and says, well, back in my day I used to Cool, and nobody's going to take that away from you, but it's not yours anymore. And so I had to do a lot of. It's not mine anymore. It'll always be my Air Force, I'll always care what's going on with it, but I can't, I can't claim it anymore, I can't own it, I don't wear it.
Speaker 2:Um and so for me, I struggled really hard because, you know, I moved, I moved and I moved a pretty good distance away.
Speaker 2:I'm not right near a military installation, I'm not right near any of the friends that I've ever had, and so, luckily for me and, if I could say, luckily about COVID, but luckily for me, covid taught us how to connect with one another on Zoom and on FaceTime, and how important it was to stay connected, especially because I did COVID in Germany. Because I did COVID in Germany, where you're not only across an ocean away from all your typical support team, but you're sequestered to your home most of the time, you can't go out and be with anybody. So I have used a lot of the skills we learned during COVID lockdown to get me through. I started yoga during COVID, I started meditation during COVID. Just before COVID, I switched my eating to complete plant-based whole foods. I also started connecting with people via FaceTime and other things, and so I leaned on all of that to keep me not just going but growing, keep me not just going, but growing, flourishing, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So if you could look back at your entire military career, is there one thing that you would do additional to prepare you for that transition? If someone was listening and they're at 18, 19 years, what's something that you could change? You did a lot of different things. You advanced like amazingly and things like that. Is there anything that you would do different?
Speaker 2:Not that I would do different, because I don't live in regret, but one of the things that I would add I never took advantage of Air Force Cool, and there's a lot of things that Air Force Cool offers for you to be able to not just get a certification but to learn a skill, because part of what I like is not. I mean, now I finally have the time. I mean, when I was in the Air Force it was work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. I now finally have the time to have a little play right, and I would have loved to have used my Air Force cool, if possible, to learn maybe how to do a thing that I could now teach young kids how to woodwork, or I'm making this up, I have no idea.
Speaker 2:I would have taken advantage of all the things that the military offered and I didn't, because I was always like, well, you know, other people need that. The pot is really only so big. I know that it's available for me, but I won't exhaust that because I have other options and so. But now I wish I had done it, simply because it was my benefit, like anybody else's, I should have taken advantage of it, so that, even if it's not a cause, I could have gotten this coaching certification. I could have gotten, um, I don't know. There were tons of other options, but they're escaping me at the moment. But there's also a lot of things that you could do that translate to like downtime things. I know people who used cool to get a, a gardening um, uh, plant and soul type degree because you are certification which, again, you know, could be serving me well on my nothing time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why not?
Speaker 2:Why not?
Speaker 1:So you taking up yoga, you switch your diet and things like that. What are things that are mental fitness related Do you see for your future?
Speaker 2:So I love outdoors and I know that some people find meditating hokey because they're like, oh, it's so weird because you know it's hard to do, it's like anything else. When you first start it you're like I'm just supposed to sit here with myself and do what, right? And so I like stuff. I like kayaking and biking and've done my yoga and calm down. I do a lot of meditation while out in nature just doing whatever, and I know that makes me sound like a tree hugger, but I'm in, I don't care, right Like um, because I think that if you don't take care of you, who else is going to Um? And so frequently we tend to think that that when I'm done with the military, I is going to um. And so frequently we tend to think that that when I'm done with the military, I'm gonna eat whatever I want. I'm gonna never do a push-up again, I'm gonna, which is cool. But why would you throw the one and only person you have into such a state of disrepair? You know like, watch what you put in, move your body. Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. Breathe, relax, positively, self-enforce. I mean I do.
Speaker 2:I do a lot of like when I was at Travis and I was teaching stuff with resiliency. One of the things we would talk about all the time was, like those three positive things you try to find that happened in the day so that you don't focus on all the bad things that are bad things, and then it just becomes natural for you to start thinking about those three positive things that happened in the day, so that you have that focus Like because, think about it. You go out and start your car Every day. It starts. You think nothing of it, but the day you go out and start your car and it doesn't start all day long, all people get to hear is my car didn't start this morning. You get home for dinner that evening and you're telling your significant other like, oh, the car didn't start this morning. It's like the only thing that happened today. And you miss the fact that one of your teammates brought in breakfast burritos and that you had a really funny meme taped to your desk because somebody thought you would enjoy the share and you got an at in the email message because somebody said, hey, we really appreciated your customer service.
Speaker 2:Like you don't go home and tell your spouse about those things because, like, you forgot all about it because the car didn't start this morning, right. And so I tend to try to tell myself to think of three really good, even if tiny, tiny things today, like the mailman actually brought the mail today, because sometimes we have to go up to the mailbox or the post office and we're like, hey, they didn't, oh yeah, the mailman's running behind, Like. So I'm just saying like three little things, it doesn't have to be gigantic, but each of those things, when it happens, you celebrate those wins and it just brings up your mood, brings up your energy and makes the the. When the daunting things happen, you I even tell myself now, when something daunting happens, I'm like I have to tell myself tonight to find three things that'll make me forget about this.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Yeah, overpower the positive over the negative, absolutely. So I'd like to ask you, in the theme of military transition, what's the one thing you want people to know this week, this month or whatever timeframe it is coming up on their transition? What's the one thing they need to take away?
Speaker 2:So mentally prepare as much as anything, right, obviously, financially prepare. Make sure that you're ready to pay those bills if you don't have a job, or until your BDD comes through or until your first military paycheck rolls out, because it is not automatic. So make sure you're financially prepared, but make sure you're also mentally prepared. Tell yourself there's a chance that people aren't going to reach out. But why do they have to reach out to you? Reach out to them. Be like, hey, I'm not on vacation, I'm actually still local and I'd love to spend some time with you if you have it. Um, that way, you're not. They're not expecting that you're busy and you're not expecting they don't care anymore.
Speaker 2:Um, but then also, you know, give yourself a chance to celebrate even the little things that happen right, because sometimes it's overwhelming and it'll feel like, man, you never got a call back on that interview, or I've submitted 15 resumes and nobody cares. Or I've been to five transition workshops and I still can't get my resume right, and it'll start to feel like who cares? What is it all for? Give yourself a break. This is it all for yourself a break.
Speaker 2:This is hard and you know, take a big, deep breath. But if you financially prepared. You've told yourself I'm going to, you know, plan for the, the mental connection being needed, and what am I going to do to initiate that? And then you're going to celebrate whatever little wins you have, it's. It's helpful because, at least in my experience, I have found it to be hard, I have found it to be, you know, a bit lonely, I have found it to be scary, you know, like, my last civilian experience before the Air Force was not a good one, and so, you know, I, I didn't want to leave. Really, it was my thing and it was just a necessary evil. It was like the, the time the expiration date came sooner than I expected, but, um, what could I do to make it better? So I would just, you know, I would say plan, plan, prepare and celebrate. You know, like, celebrate the small stuff.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, thank you for coming out. I want to encourage all listeners to let me know how the show has come along. We are on Buzzsprout for the audio, we're on YouTube for the video and then we will have more stuff out there. There's the Facebook page and different things like that. So, whichever way, reach out, let me know how it is. But I love you all and see ya.
