MindForce: Mental Fitness & Life Stories!
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MindForce: Mental Fitness & Life Stories!
Harnessing Resilience: Troy Fontana on Overcoming Adversity, Perspective Shifts, and Finding Joy
What if your greatest struggles could become your superpowers? Join us on MindForce as we explore this transformative idea with our inspiring guest, Troy Fontana. Troy shares his journey through life's toughest challenges—business collapse, divorce, and a harrowing near-death experience—and how they forged a path to self-discovery and resilience. As your host, I also dive into my own creative journey, finding unexpected joy in the podcasting process despite initial skepticism. Together, Troy and I reflect on balancing structured work with creative freedom, offering insights that can guide personal growth and development.
Our conversation takes a deep dive into the power of perspective shifts, revealing how trauma can be transformed into growth. Troy and I discuss stories of individuals who have overcome intense anxiety and feelings of failure, highlighting techniques like meditation that helped them reframe their narratives. Inspired by Simon Sinek's insights, we emphasize viewing challenges as learning opportunities rather than failures. The importance of inner validation and authentic living is also explored, as we encourage listeners to focus on meaningful relationships and activities that bring genuine joy and fulfillment.
Finally, we discuss finding true joy and gratitude through adversity, emphasizing the difference between fleeting happiness and lasting fulfillment. Personal anecdotes illustrate how embracing adversity can enhance appreciation for life's simple pleasures, from enjoying a disc golf putt to finding joy in family moments. We discuss daily practices like mindfulness and vulnerability, tools that are essential for cultivating inner peace and transforming trauma. Tune in to gain valuable insights on resilience, gratitude, and how to turn life's challenges into opportunities for growth.
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Welcome to MindForce. I'm your host, nate Shear, and this is the show where love, life and learning come together. Your mind is what matters most here Today we have Troy Fontana, a wonderful recommended guest from another awesome human, dr Eric Bermudez. Today we'll be talking about transforming pain and trauma into superpowers. Troy's method for turning life's hardest moments into sources of strengths, overcoming personal and professional adversity. How Troy navigated the collapse of his business, his divorce and his near-death experience. And finding purpose through trials. The deep insight and purpose Troy discovered through these difficult experiences. Troy, I'd like to give you the floor and give us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. It's an honor to be here with you, brother. I'm excited to share and, yeah, you know my journey comes from personal development and coaching and helping people through a variety of ways. I always kind of focus on the three main areas of health, wealth and relationships, and so anytime I get a chance to share what's really been my life's work and that's just kind of understanding our own uniqueness as humans and this incredible, weird, fantastic journey we are all on and you know, just helping people to navigate that, because there is no blueprint, there is no roadmap. I think we're all just trying to figure it out on the way and I've learned some unique little insights and secrets and so I hope to share those with people and I hope it helps and you know I'm also a student as well through this journey.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Yeah, we're all trying to get through this crazy thing called life one day at a time. It's interesting life and parenthood and these different things I know when people get pregnant and they ask you know questions and whatnot. What's your biggest piece of advice? Like I don't know, try your best.
Speaker 1:There are a lot of books written but everyone thinks they they have it figured out. So I think try your best and I guess you'll find out at 18, if it worked out or not. Um, in the spirit of conversation, I wanted to see if you had any questions for me before we kick off the interview.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's really cool that you're on the creative platform and you know, anytime you're putting yourself out there, you open yourself up to a variety of different energies and emotions and different things, and also, to go through a journey takes consistency and it kind of reveals the light that the one thing promised to us is the process alone, not necessarily the outcome. And so I'm curious anytime I see somebody who's on a journey of creativity like this what has it been like for you navigating the process and the journey, and how do you stay focused on still keeping your eye towards the destination?
Speaker 1:Okay, I'll answer the second part first. I kind of out of order, but one thing I did that was super beneficial and I'm super glad I did. And I'm kind of sad about it now is what I did was I built up a large library of episodes because I knew being in the military or going out and doing things with the family, I wanted to make sure I had that balance and so I think I had 12 different episodes recorded before I went live, went out to the directories and things like that, and it's really worked out. It is kind of unfortunate with the move out here to the United Kingdom. I'm completely depleted at this point Now. I kind of am on week to week, and so the week to week does, I think, take a little bit of the fun out of it because it feels more like you have to. So I'm hoping to get a little bit more of a stockpile again, not probably 12 again, but some type of buffer room where one or two in between. So I don't feel like I have to hit every week. So that's that second part. So that was really good, I'm glad I did that.
Speaker 1:And then the first part coming to the creative space. I think some of that's super interesting to me is learning about yourself, because personally I don't consider myself a very creative person. My wife, um, she does the cricket and make stuff for the teachers and she is like making stuff all the time cups and shirts and I mean, if you gave her an idea she'd probably be able to figure it out by the end of the day. But then on the other end, I feel like I go to work and make spreadsheets and you know more analytical and processing through that. So the one thing I was most nervous about was the creative aspect, and it's funny because that's what I think I enjoy the most.
Speaker 1:I like writing the scripts and thinking about who I'm about to meet and what can I ask, and going through all these different hypotheticals and things. And I think that's so awesome because I think it uses a different part of your brain. So I do use, you know, the organization and leadership and I'm medical admin by trade, so I'm trying to run the hospital and make sure things are going well and so I use all that like hard. You know analytical skills and things like that, and when you're at the end of the day and you're tired and things like that, it feels like I almost get to switch over and then have a little more fun and I'm editing videos and I'm putting music in and the captions in and make sure they're right and and so I think that creative aspect is really fun and just so ironic where that was what I was most worried about.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense Totally? I can relate to a lot of that, actually, and it's very revealing process, like I like how you you mentioned. It's almost like your own self-growth journey through that right. You uncover things about yourself that you didn't know really were there, or maybe you were excited about or enjoy and uh, that's yeah, I can totally relate very cool yeah, I've really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1:and one thing like that's. You know, I guess we're getting to the dark stuff pretty quick or the deep stuff pretty quick. But one of my biggest fears in life the number one is the breakdown of my mind. For some reason I'm okay with the breakdown of my body. I feel like you got to get to a walker and you got to get old at some point. Physically that just feels right for some reason, but mentally I just don't want to be gone.
Speaker 1:And so when I went to Guam, I started a thing and I've tried to uphold it and it's been going well so far. I need to figure out what I'm going to do for out here, but I pick a skill and I work on something. So I got my dive master in Scuba out in Guam and then when I got to Edwards my next base I got my class A skydiving license and so it's something I'm physically'm physically working and thinking and and keeping those skills, and so my thought is, if I keep the mind going, I have less of a chance later on to have that deteriorate. I just it's terrifying, right interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think, um, I mean, it's both right. I think the mind and the body have so much connection and, you know, when you have a healthy body, it helps have a healthy mind, and vice versa. And I'm very similar. I'm always trying to stretch my comfort zones because that helps us to expand on both our mind and our bodies. There's so many distractions that are so easy to access. There's so much toxicity in our food and in our environments, and these things are like so easy for you to grab onto, and I don't want that stuff, man. I don't want to, I don't want to be filled with those poisons and toxins. And so it's both mentally and physically. And so I'm always kind of keeping watch, right, cause I want the same thing. I want this body, this mind, to last as long as possible.
Speaker 2:And one thing that is cool about what you're doing, the work that I do, is this creative process leaves behind these little imprints that for me, you know I have three kids, and so you know, right now dad's cool, but not super cool, you know. And then later on I'm able to watch it and be like, yeah, now dad's cool, but not super cool, you know. And then later on I'm able to watch it and be like yeah, dad was like doing some cool stuff, man, like right on, you know. So these are all like little legacy pieces that we're also leaving behind. I think that's something that's really unique about this particular time of life.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, and one thing that's really cool is I recorded some. When I was at my professional military education I captured some stories from people and it wasn't until later I listened to another podcast by Joshua Hero Front and he was capturing stories from different people and he captured a story of a Pitsenberger the one that had like a heroic save and then his dad, and so through the generations, of whatnot, but he was able to capture the story. Uh, you know a couple of generations, you know after the, the, the person actually passed and whatnot, but he captured that story. And so now, going forward, anyone can listen to that recording, even though the person is as past and I. That was just so powerful and it wasn't, you know, didn't dawn on me initially initially, but like, these are out there and if it helps one person along the way, that's, you know, it's all worth it yeah, yeah, very, very cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, little time pieces, we're leaving yeah, it's awesome.
Speaker 1:So let's transition into the interview. The first question I have for you is can you share that moment when you realize your deepest pain could become a superpower?
Speaker 2:yes, uh, I essentially was at a place in life where I had what's called agoraphobia. I had experienced so much trauma. Agoraphobia is where you have like anxiety. So you have so much anxiety you're afraid to leave any space that you consider safe. And for me it was my house. I was like stuck inside and I just didn't know what was going on. I'm like I'm not this person. I used to be Just overwhelmed with fears.
Speaker 2:I would quickly just go down these rabbit holes of just the worst case scenario and for whatever reason, I ended up making this little like makeshift meditation center in my office and by no one's like recommendation at least that I can remember it was just like was drawn to this, like I got to like just figure something out, you know, and I started at the time I really didn't even know what meditation was and I but I kind of sit with these different, like little energies and you know, and energy even energy at the time was weird and obscure topic and I would just sit with these with my mind and my own space, and I would kind of become more present to the moment, these with my mind and my own space, and I would kind of become more present in the moment and I would realize these little narratives that I would carry in my mind that were kind of now I understand more to be these core wounds, these core traumatic events. You know, like one of the things I share about in my book is how I had a business that I lost, a very successful business at one point that then I lost, had to file bankruptcy and all these different things. And one of the first stories and narratives I started to realize was I carried a lot of shame and guilt around that. Guilt says I did something wrong. Shame says something's wrong with me and I felt a lot of shame around that, like how could you let that? How could you let it? How could you let it collapse? And then I felt like the heaviness, the burden I carried with that energy of shame and I was like like I could like feel it like damn, like yuck, like gross. It's very just gummy, heavy energy and uh, and then I started to like reframe it and I didn't even know what a reframe meant. I would kind of look at him like you know.
Speaker 2:Actually this happened in 2008, 2009, during the recession. I was very young, I had no idea what a recession even was. I didn't. I remember actually driving in my car once and be like what's an economy? How can an economy like go bad, like I don't get it, you know? Um, and then I started to look at it the other side of the coin be like man, you did something that was really unique. You really stretched and challenged yourself. You really led a lot of people. You really expanded and grew who you were. You really like stepped into a lot of areas that were uncomfortable for you at the time. That's really awesome. And I was like damn, like, yeah, that's a whole nother way to look at this. And I was like damn like, yeah, that's a whole nother way to look at this.
Speaker 2:And I like started like training my brain in that moment to see that side of the story. And, like man, you did something really cool. And then I realized in that moment for something to be a failure, you have to agree to it in your mind. And it was in that moment that I switched like that wasn't a failure. That was like a really dope, epic experience, a beautiful journey that you went on way to go troy. And in that moment, quite literally, I felt like this release of that heavy, dense, dark energy was like I could like feel it my body actually remember my body, it would do this for quite a while like it would like release this tension. I get like these pops. Damn, whoa man. I was very stiff and tight during this time. I could feel these releases and I was like, wait a second. Like there's something there that's a superpower.
Speaker 2:And so what I believe we often do as humans is we get stuck in these negative narratives, these traumatic narratives, and as we release them and change them, then they become our strengths. And so I realized that, dude, there's nothing to worry, like there is no such thing as failure. You either win or you learn to win. Like that's it. I have a section in my book about that too. Like you win or you learn to win. You're just extracting the value from it and you move on.
Speaker 2:And so I had been held back by that experience for so long, like many, many years, part of what led to that agoraphobia. I was afraid to take any more risk. I was afraid to go spend $10 on something you know, because I was like, oh, I can't mess up again. And as I released, that energy changed those narratives. I started putting myself back out there again. I've always been drawn to entrepreneurship. I got back in the game, started doing more of this and that, and that spiraled into positivity and I was like, wow, I'd been captive, been held captive by that narrative for so long, like I'm not going to let that happen anymore. And I went on this journey for years of like unpacking these different narratives.
Speaker 1:That's so interesting. I remember Simon Soneik talked about perspective, no-transcript, like, oh, my palms are a little sweaty and my heart is racing, and he's like but how do you feel? And their response was excited, nice, because they had trained their whole lives. They're there, they're ready to prove themselves, they're ready to do it, are ready to do it. And so the symptoms are exactly the same. But how you look at it in the perspective of what you're about to go into is completely different. So the person going to the board meeting could be like hey, I'm excited, I'm not nervous, I'm excited that word completely. And you know you could say, oh, just get hung up on words with that self-talk and you know all those things you're doing to yourself internally. I mean, it's not just words, those are powerful at that point, yeah.
Speaker 2:We, we give meaning to everything. We do that Right, and that's can be either positive or the negative. And, um, as I yeah, as I changed the meaning behind a lot of things, it changed my life, quite literally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that perspective that's interesting. Um, so can we back up real quick and give a little bit of foundation? We talked a little bit about significant losses and things like that. Could you give us a rundown not to go down, you know, negative memory lane but near death and some of these things. Can you kind of walk through some of this? We have that foundation as we walk through the rest of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I, you know, like after high school, just kind of lost in the world. I was very athletic, into sports, all those different things, and there was no home base for those activities anymore and I kind of just wandered aimlessly for a while and I stumbled across working at a gym, which led to getting into personal training, which then led to me wanting to open my own gym. I ended up doing that. All of that's its own powerful, beautiful journey. It was not an easy thing to do going through those steps and when I went into the fitness industry I actually became very successful very fast, like unexpected Next thing, you know, I'm speaking at industry events, I'm running up for personal trainer of the year, I'm publishing these nationally published articles. Everything just seems to be on the up and up. And that's when I opened my own gym. I ended up expanding the gym to three different locations.
Speaker 2:I was reading Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, poor Dad book and I was like man, I got to buy these locations. So I buy the actual physical buildings. I buy a condo on the golf course, I'm driving a BMW, I'm in my 20s, recession hits and I lose everything Car repossessed, business gone, home gone, buildings gone and you know, when men become broke, they often become broken, and I was certainly that and I was. I mean, I was just like wrecked. And then I went through a little series of trying to like come back and reinvent myself and because of that trauma I was carrying, I hadn't healed it, I hadn't looked at it, I just tried to move on. I would repeat similar cycles and so I'd get in a partnership like business partnership, maybe with the wrong person, and I'd get in a partnership like business partnership, maybe with the wrong person, and I'd get taken advantage of or betrayed here all these different things. And but I slowly build myself up.
Speaker 2:During this time I had met the woman of my dreams. We get married, start to have kids, and so I'm carrying this like weight of trying to figure out life, while masked and buried in deep trauma, ptsd, all those things. When you're carrying a lot of trauma, you have a lot of triggers, like everything was a trigger to me around me, people you know, doing anything new, anything unique, anything different. I was afraid of it, but I was trying my best and have these responsibilities of taking care of a family and it was overwhelming and at some point I reached this kind of like rock bottom moment where I was like, dude, I can't figure this out and maybe my kids would be better off without me. And that fortunately, rock bottom moment sometimes what we need because we get a little bounce. And I got a little bit of bounce and I grabbed that bounce and my world started to change.
Speaker 2:And that's where I really leaned into like gratitude and some of what I just talked about earlier, going into myself and and and reframing these stories and go wait a second, does it have to be like this? And gradually making my life better, becoming more present to the moment, and all these things help. And when I got a taste of that, I went like full bore into it, like I literally spent years kind of reframing and meditating, become present, learning so much, so many things from a first-hand experience. Right, rather than just reading it from a book. I was actually living it and feeling it. That's when I like, okay, this energy, maybe there is something behind it, this whole healing concept, maybe there is something behind it. And my life got much better. And that's when I was like I gotta go share this with other people and so I kind of transitioned from the fitness industry into more personal development coaching and that started to take off.
Speaker 2:Having gone through all those challenges, there was a moment where my wife and I at the time kind of just looked at each other and were like man, this is just different and maybe there's an expiration date to this experience. And then that led to separation and divorce. There wasn't like doors slamming and fighting, it was just this hey, we're on a different path now and we're still very close. We talk almost every day, but right after that experience because that was still challenging nonetheless I had this near death experience where a friend who I was very close to was having a let's call it I don't fully know a deep mental episode. I didn't know that he, you know, um, presumably was supposed to be medicated and had all this different stuff. I didn't know him for that long. We had trained martial arts together. He was a very skilled and trained martial artist, went missing, ended up finding him in the woods and not clothed.
Speaker 2:When I find him and he kind of calls me in like he's hurt and wounded, and when I go to help him he pulls me in like he's hurt and wounded. And when I go to help him, help him, he pulls me in and attacks me, literally tries to kill me and bites off half my ear I had to watch my ear fall, hit my leg, I took a ton of punches to my head and um tried to choke me from behind, which would have been the end of my life. And you know I'll save you the details but it was like multiple. At one moment I couldn't see, my eyesight went out and there's multiple points where I was like did I have to get through this or I'm done, I'm dead. And uh, thank goodness I was able to get out and escape. I ended up taking off and running and when he went to grab me, my shirt ripped off and it caused me to like pause and I got away from that.
Speaker 2:Both of those the divorce and that were in a close time period and uh, you know I had already been through that moment with the business and had stared down the victim mentality and what it feels like when you like everything is oh, this happened to me and I'm the victim and everything's so tough and I just knew that wasn't going to work. And so I was really able to grab these fairly recent experiences, like this is not that long ago, like a year. You know these both kind of happened in and reframe them quite quick, quickly and go. You know it's what I make it and it's going to be powerful. It's going to be powerful, it's going to be good when I'm with my kids, fully engaged. We're there, we're having a good time.
Speaker 2:I've come full circle with even this experience and have you know I want this other person to heal, grow and I've been able to accept a level of forgiveness and understanding and just realize that any bitterness I carry is not going to serve me. And so why carry it? And not that I don't have my moments of just being a human where I'm like, well, revenge, or I want this, but then I'm like that ain't going to do it, man, that ain't going to do it. Let me let that energy go. Let me let it out. Let me let it out. Forgive, move on. That's between them and god, him and god, whatever you know. Let me move on, let me let it go and that letting go energy can be really powerful and uh yeah, it just takes from you, doesn't it?
Speaker 1:yeah, man, it ain't easy from you you holding on to it.
Speaker 2:That's right. That's right, it's, it's, it is. Yeah, one of my favorite quotes is like uh, you know, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die, and I really believe they moved on. They're doing that, they're doing whatever. Like let it go, man, and you don't even have to necessarily forgive, just let it go. Sometimes that's better. Just let it go, move on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes sense. After you experienced all these significant losses, what kept you motivated through all that?
Speaker 2:Man? That's a good question. A lot of hits? Yeah, it was a lot of hits. It was a lot of hits. It was.
Speaker 2:I had gone through enough to know that these moments, if you, if you stay in the pocket, right, if you like, work through it, if you stay, find the you know the silver lining per se, right, if you just keep with that and it may take a while, who knows there'll be beautiful things that come from it. And I just knew that, like I had to keep going forward, I had to find the best in this and that would open up other opportunities, other doors, other windows. It's what led me to to write my book right, which became a bestseller. It was like you know and like, even with that, I had talked about writing the book. I had already written one, but I was going to write another one and I was like I'll get to it. But when this happened, I'm like let's do it Right. And so I took the action.
Speaker 2:With my kids, we spent this whole summer going to national parks, like all these amazing you know, the Grand Canyon, up into Oregon and California, all these cool places that we wouldn't have gone. I would have just waited, like, oh you know, one day, one day we'll get there, and so that is part of the silver lining is that clarity of life and what matters and where I want to go. And you know, being at the point of the spear per se, you know, rather than being a passenger seat, I was like, no, we're going, we're doing it now, we're cutting through this, we're going to get there, and I didn't have that gift before, necessarily. And so when we stick in the pocket with these things, there is beauty. They do become our superpowers, and I think I got a lot more of beauty left in life.
Speaker 1:And I'm looking forward to that. That's good stuff. You use that negative energy and all that stuff to really fuel and give that motivation. It's interesting hindsight. It's really kind of it's good and it's kind of painful at the same time.
Speaker 1:Like I reflect back, I lost my dad a few years ago and you had kind of brought up like the traveling and whatnot One thing when he was diagnosed with cancer.
Speaker 1:I wish we would have just got on an airplane, went to Rome, saw the Coliseum, like threw a dart at the map and you know, set out to just go check some stuff out. But he was adamant, you know, know I'll beat it and then we'll go, and so that kind of goes back to your you know point like later on, or you know, maybe in a little bit, um, not that you have to like go yolo and like you know not be wise with your money and things like that. But I do think life is is pretty short and you should capitalize on the moments you can. You don't know if you're gonna have them them again or not, and so really wish we would have just taken the trip and gone anywhere. Really, you know somewhere you know pretty bizarre or somewhere you know that. You know most people don't go to, but unfortunately we didn't get to capitalize on that one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I started to hear that. Yeah, it's the way it goes and it's part of the the lesson, right, because it sounds like maybe you have kids as well, right? Yes, yeah, okay, then that's part of what we can grab from these experiences. Okay, then I'm gonna do this with my kids, or I'm not gonna forget, I'm gonna take action here and it turns something that maybe doesn't mean it's not painful, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but it gives some light to it. You know, like even this, the near-death experience, it's like thank you for that gift. I wouldn't have had that gift of certainty and action, the degree that I have it, had that not happened. So, thank you, and I'm only going to choose to stare at that, I'm only going to look at that. I have this now. I have this now. Let's go, let's rip it. We're here, like then that becomes a superpower and that's one of my superpowers, like I can do the noise quickly, right, I'm very clear on how I choose to spend my time.
Speaker 1:It's a gift well, that makes sense. I wanted to ask I think you just touched on it, but I don't know if you want to expand at all uh, how did that near-death experience really change that outlook on life and in your purpose?
Speaker 2:yeah it, um, it did a couple I mean a few things that I'm aware of already, but I'm sure it's going to continue to create more in the future. Uh, I have a friend who also went through a near death experience and he's like, dude, it'll change you, it'll keep unpacking these little lessons throughout life. And some things I noticed right away were that certainty, like okay, like the expiration date has already expired, go the shot. Clock has already clicked, go, take the shot. Like do the thing. And so it's brought that level of clarity and certainty with how I choose to spend my time. And it's also created this this is a little unique and a little deep, but, like I don't need validation outside of myself, it still feels good when someone's like hey, way to go, good job, appreciate you Right, it feels good. That's to be human. But I certainly am not looking for that. Like I'm very like this is what matters, we're doing this. Like I'm very like this is what matters, we're doing this. I don't need your approval, your opinion, your thoughts, your applause, I'm just doing it. This is how I want to live my life, this is how I want to choose to spend my time. And there's a superpower in that, because when you're thinking about the other things, the validation outside of yourself, you actually adjust your trajectory in life to find the applause, to meet their approval, to match their opinion, and to me, that's just wasted time and energy. Now I'm like nah, like this is what I'm doing, this is how I'm rolling, that's it. Like.
Speaker 2:I gave a speech recently and I mean this with humility but like afterwards they're like man, that was incredible, great job. And in my mind I was like yeah, no. And then at the same time, I was like because that's all I got, like I don't this is it. Like, whether you liked it or didn't, like it wouldn't, doesn't change anything. And I mean like I can only give you what I have, that's it.
Speaker 2:And what's cool about that is you get a very authentic speaker in the moment, because I'm not doing it for their approval, for their applause, for their validation. Like, yeah, like I'm just sharing from my heart. So that's it and I trust that. I trust what I'm going to share and that's all I got. So, whether you liked it or didn't, cool. I also want to take I'll take some feedback and I'm going to try to get better and do this and I. I'm self-reflective, but the reality is, this is what I got, and that's us with life. This is who I. This is what I got. Of course I want to get better. I'm improving things, but we spend way too much time looking at that and that causes us to then we don't take action. But if we would just take the action, tweak the dial along the way, we'd get much further.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's another example. You mentioned two or three different things. It's really your ability to cut through things. So did you feel that you were you know, people pleasing and things before, and now you have this level of freedom where it just doesn't matter? Or were you always kind of like the I?
Speaker 2:think I I struggle with people pleasing and perfectionism. Um, I mean, like, look on my phone right now, you know, I've got probably 20 something unanswered voicemails, 30 something unanswered texts. My social media is loaded with unanswered things and it's not. It's weird because it's almost in my brain. I'm like dude, I just don't have time to waste on these things, you know, and it's even hard for me to organize now. But it's like man, the people that really matter are going to get my attention, my focus, the things in life that really matter my attention and focus. And at the same time, I'm really realizing, like, how much time I wasted, maybe entertaining someone. And it's not that I have no ill will or negative feelings towards maybe someone I haven't, you know. Hey, let's go meet up for coffee. It's like when I say yes to coffee with you, I'm saying no to time with my kids, right, and it's just like I have that level of clarity right now and certainty and it's cool, it's okay. That might loosen up over time, I don't know, maybe I'll have a little more time for that or this or that, right, but it's like yo, I just really am clear on what is going to make the difference today. Like.
Speaker 2:For me it really boils down to I'll tell you my three things. My three things are adding value to the world. So what you and I are doing right now, hopefully, is doing that. It's adding value to the world, right, celebrating life. So then I still go hey, my friends, let's go out, let's hang out, let's do this, let's go shoot hoops, whatever. Yeah, let's celebrate living, let's celebrate life. I'm spending time with my kids. If it don't really fall into those three categories, you won't see me doing it. Hmm.
Speaker 2:Interesting and that just kind of came through this experience of you know that before I wouldn't have had maybe the clarity to see that that makes sense.
Speaker 1:I wanted to ask you a question. It's going backwards, but I'm just really curious. When you first opened, you mentioned that you lost a successful business and you specifically said successful. So I'm curious do you feel that fall and the shame and everything that went along with that was because of how quickly it came up, like if it would have been a mediocre, and you lose it? It's like, ah, it's mediocre, whatever. But you were like on the up and up, like how, how did you process all that, like the quick up and then the quick down?
Speaker 2:yeah, that was. I mean because I was still really young, so I didn't have a lot of like mental frameworks. That's why I, like you, know what stuff we're talking about. Having these unders. I didn't understand trauma and mental models and all these different things that maybe I would now.
Speaker 2:So when it happened, it was just like wait what? And for a young man who's in his ego which I was at the time I was those things. So I was my BMW, I was the successful trainer who's talking at these different industry events, I was you know, whatever all these different things. And so when I lost those things, I lost myself, but that's also when I quote, found myself in a way too right because other things started to matter more. I lost, you know, certain friends all of a sudden are gone and vanished right, like, oh, you're not cool anymore because you're not fancy, and all right. Well, I now I have a really good radar for who's a real authentic person, right, I appreciate these different things. Not that someone who has a lot of success can't be that. They absolutely can. I have a lot of people like that in my life. They absolutely can. But this helps you sit through the noise. And um, it probably was, because I just, I just didn't.
Speaker 2:It also seemed when that success was taking place, strangely it happened almost like, um, it was a byproduct of just what was going on, like it just kind of came with what I was doing, like I want to open a business, let me figure out how I was able to figure it out, and then, oh, it's successful and oh, I'm oh okay, yeah, I'll go speak at this thing, oh, I can apply here, and oh, they accepted me and you know it just like happened. You know there was no, wasn't a lot of thought to it necessarily. And then when it disappeared, it kind of created that same whoa, whoa. Now, who am I now without all these things? And then now reinventing these things and being on this path of helping people just in a different way, it's like I appreciate the entire process of the journey, and that really is what I focus on is the process now, because in that journey it was all about the outcomes.
Speaker 2:I was never satisfied. When I got the new BMW, I was happy for two weeks. When I got the condo and the golf course, a few weeks. Everything was like to the next. And now I'm just like every day, I'm like great grateful man, like dope, like I get to go, you know, after a session or whatever, go for a walk in the park and it's raining today.
Speaker 1:Awesome, epic, perfect Right, like all of it, all good and I appreciate and I'm grateful for all of it yeah, I think there's different things between I know we interchange a lot of words, but back to our point earlier words are important and words matter, and so I think there's different between like the word happy and enjoy or something like that.
Speaker 1:Like happiness, emotion comes and goes, you could be happy, you could be sad later, but joy, joy or you know maybe another synonym for that but then you just, it's just in you, you're happy, you're joyful, you know nothing's going to take you down, or things like that. So I think sometimes it's funny Like, oh, happy or joy, or you know same difference, sometimes, like you can be happy and that will come and go, but when you find the right things and your purpose and things like that, I think that switches from happiness, that emotion that can come and go, and transitions into to joy, um, so yeah, that's interesting well and that that to go, you know, like we talked about a little bit earlier, was like that's why the struggle and the challenge should be embraced is because it's going to bring that out of you.
Speaker 2:It's like you don't know how great a steak tastes until you starve. You don't know how good it feels to have success until you've been in poverty, and so when you go through those moments right, it's like you know we've all been, we've had the flu, and you're like damn, I was taking like my health for granted, right. And then, from out of it, you're like man, I feel good. And so it's the same thing with the struggles in life, like all right, this is here now, but when I get through it, I'll have a whole nother texture for life, a whole nother reality that I will exist in, and it will change. You Like when you like when I feel to your point, when I feel gratitude, like I really feel gratitude, and before, when I had all that stuff, you know I did not, I was not grateful. I could, I could tell you I'm grateful, but I didn't have like a. I couldn't taste it. You know what I mean. There was no texture to it. Now I taste it.
Speaker 1:I feel it. It's interesting, like some of the smaller moments in life that hit you, because I actually wrote about this on Facebook. I mean, it's been a couple months now, but I got into disc golf and so it might be trivial or a smaller thing, but it's interesting because I was on the disc golf course and I was putting and I missed it and for a split second I was like I wish that would have been easier, but for some reason I stopped and it dawned on me when you make that, that longer putt, when you make the birdie, when you make the eagle, whatever it may be, it's awesome and you feel amazing because it is difficult, yeah. And so I kind of like was bummed out at my myself and my own thinking for you know, a split second, because I was like you don't want it to be easy, because then when you do make it, it's like, oh, it's easy, it doesn't matter, I need that to be difficult.
Speaker 1:So when that connects and I do the right thing, I was like, oh, I mean kind of silly that it's just a, you know, small hobby, but it was just one of those things. Like you read things and books, but the way I love to learn the best is like examples, where it happens right in front of you, because I experience all those emotions like, oh, I wish it would have been easier, I would have made it, but no, I want it to be hard. So when it hits the chains and I'm like, yes, I did it, that was hard, so interesting, good job, very cool, yeah. The next question I had for you do you have any specific practices or things that help transform this trauma into growth? Do you have like daily things you do, or weekly, or things that people could do in their own lives?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good question. Daily I like to just get present, and so I always try to start my morning with just a little bit of like coming to center. Right, you know, you wake up and we're like we're already distracting ourself, we're reaching for the different things, and so it's like get that calm, present, centered experience, like where you literally feel into your body. Remember, the body is always in the present moment. The mind is trying to predict the future based out of the past. There's no presence in that. So the body brings us to the present moment, and the breath in particular is a great way to do it. So connecting to your breath, breath is always present and a great way to do it. So connecting to your breath, breath is always present, and that helps you in day-to-day life. You know, say, uh, yeah, say maybe I'm going into a situation where maybe some nerves are coming up. I'll feel my shoulders roll up, my voice will tighten up, my breath will get a little shallow. I'm like, ah, calm it down, we're good, what are we feeling? And then, yeah, that's just energy. And to your point about the olympians earlier, it's like I can redirect that energy. Okay, that's just energy. And to your point about the Olympians earlier. It's like I can redirect that energy. Ok, that's just energy. Why am I afraid of it? Let's change the direction of it and be excited about the opportunity of what could be there. We go Now. Now we're flown, let's do it Right. So a daily thing like that, that.
Speaker 2:One of my practices that really helped through that experience of my own healing and something I share with people now is breath work and it's kind of you know it sounds weird, oh, you help people breathe.
Speaker 2:No, it's like there's actual it's called holotropic breath breath work.
Speaker 2:You could look it up and it's been around, I believe, actually for probably centuries. But it's a practice of deep breathing and you get into this like state, this non-ordinary state, where actually a lot of it's your body's own medicine cabinet, essentially, and a lot of like energy and trauma and you get a lot of clarity around certain things. But I've done this in like I'll rent out these big rooms and have people come in by the dozens and we'll turn music on. I'll lead them through this deep breathing and then kind of guide them through this process of letting go trauma and I kind of work through these different energies of fear, guilt, shame, understanding the energy of our heart and it's a really powerful practice. But breath work can be really healing and again, it's your body's own medicine cabinet. It's just a way to tap into it. It's probably a bigger topic that we can tap into at some point, but it's powerful, yeah that sounds amazing, I would love to I'd love to get more into meditation and things like that.
Speaker 1:It just feels like the world is going faster and faster than ever before. We can google any answer in a second, you know, drive through food in minutes and it just we always want faster, but sometimes, actually a lot of times, I feel like we probably need to get closer to slowing down, not speeding up, but unfortunately that's the way the world is going. But I think that's some good practice. It's, like you said, trying to, you know, stay calm and center yourself in the morning, because I think most people first thing know you reach for your phone and you're already already distracted right off the bat Locations and, yeah, it's always something. Uh. Next question I had uh, can you describe the biggest challenge you face? Uh, in that rebuilding your life after your business collapsed? What was that way back up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know, a lot of it was. I think, as men, we often we isolate and I wish I would have shared what I was going through sooner and been more vocal about it. You know, I think men, we struggle to be vulnerable, but remember, vulnerability with inactivity is weakness. Vulnerability with activity is actually strength. And so be willing to take action and be vulnerable. Hey, I'm going through a hard time, I'm struggling with this, but I'm listening, I'm ready. What's up, fill me in, I'll do it.
Speaker 2:And I wish I would have done more of that because I was ready to take action, but I just wasn't very vulnerable at the time. I kind of held it inside and it, you know, made me sick, to be honest, in a lot of ways and, um, I just wish I would have known that it's okay. It was like those stories that I got into finally, with meditation and coming inward. I wish I would have done that sooner. I mean, like dude, you were doing your best, you did awesome stuff. You helped a lot of people become what you've grown and get back out there. It's cool that you didn't fail. Nothing was. There is no losing. There is no failure. You're not a loser like you're adopting these beliefs. That don't have to be your beliefs. You can change that and in fact it's quite the opposite. So if I would have understood those things sooner, that would have helped a lot.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, I think I, looking back, I I created a lot of busyness for myself. I think we tend to do that. We tend to distract, we're struggling with things. Um, I went back to school at the time. Um, you know which? I guess in a way it was good. You know, I've followed through with all of that. But it would probably have been more powerful had I just sat with that energy Like, all right, let's work through this, let's heal from this. I could have made some more decisive decisions sooner. That would have helped my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wish more people would realize that. It takes adversity and things. They get through things. The example I like to use is wd-40, because it's in every household in the world. You know the label. You could probably go into like any country in the world and find wd-40, but it was the 40th recipe of that, so there was 39 of those that failed.
Speaker 1:there were 39 of those that sucked and didn't do the thing they were supposed to do. It didn't grease the, the hinge or whatever you know it was supposed to do. And then they got to 40 and then became a household name and everywhere in the world. But if they would have stopped at 38 or 39, we'd never know there was wd-40, and so it's just interesting me some of these things. You know reality TV and, I think, social media.
Speaker 1:We have just these challenges that are very difficult. You see Shark Tank or something like that. Someone pitches their idea, it gets picked up, it works. They probably had like 10 other businesses that didn't work before that. You know they had multiple ideas. They had to go through some challenges. Before that they had multiple ideas, they had to go through some challenges.
Speaker 1:But I think the way that we're set up with social media and these different shows, you see the output and I love the image. When I see it on social media it's like the iceberg and it shows all the work and late nights and dedication, everything in the bottom of that iceberg. But then only people see the success, the very tip, like oh must be nice. And those comments they make like well, no, it was a lot of work and even now sometimes I get frustrated when I go to move or I get picked up for, you know, a decent assignment or something that I wanted.
Speaker 1:And people I don't think they mean anything negative by it at all, but sometimes on Facebook or different things, they'll say lucky. I'm like no, I've worked really hard to get into the right rooms, to know the right people, to check the right boxes, to go to the right schools, the right classes, and I put myself in the position where luck, you know, potentially comes into the very end because I put myself in the correct position but I had to put myself in the room by the late nights and the early mornings and the things that I did to help people and other things along the way that I can capitalize on that later. So lucky always. Oh, when I see it on the you know Facebook or on the computer always just rubs me a little bit Like I don't think there's ill intent at all, but no, it's not lucky, it's, it's getting yourself in the right spot and then maybe luck does swing in at the end.
Speaker 2:but beautiful, well said, brother. And that's exactly right it's. You know, it's like the hockey stick, right it's, it's. You don't see anything until you get to the end of the hockey stick, until you get the exponential growth pattern no-transcript. But it took me literally thousands of times of getting tapped out over and over and over and then you finally reach a point where you're like, okay, I didn't get tapped out that much. And more and more, and finally you tap out a few people and it's like you. Then, finally, one day, you're like, wait, I'm like actually starting to do pretty good at this, you know, and it's not until the very end, until you're nine and 10, you know whenever that it takes off. And you know whenever that it takes off, and you know, I, I apply that same, I create a uh, uh, I create a lot of content.
Speaker 2:Now, I've been putting a lot of attention and effort towards YouTube, youtube and it's man, I'll spend hours working on this and putting that out there and, man, nothing really took off. I'm like this is really powerful. This was good, I spent so much time. But I'm like, dude, the outcome's not promised homie, the process is so. I'm like, ah, the process, I stay focused on that.
Speaker 2:It's jujitsu. You know white belt, but one day you're blue belt, one day. You know it's like you just keep going, you keep going, you keep going. It's got to be for. You know, it's for me, it's for my kids when they watch it someday, and then pretty soon it's the collection of people that start to really enjoy it, and there is a collection of people now that are following along and enjoying it. But it all has its own journey and it's about my own growth through it. Right, when those days come up where I'm like damn, did anyone hear that? Well, that's a lesson. Let me what's up Like it's cool, right? Not about that. It's not about the fancy things. It's about the process, who you're becoming.
Speaker 1:And it's interesting too. I saw something on Justin Nunnally. He's another active duty content creator. He lives in Florida, uh, in Fort Walton beach, where I used to to live, and it was interesting because he had gotten like a card that he wanted and he posted it on TikTok and everyone was like, oh, must be nice, like you're, you know, taking our money for our views and all this stuff. And he came back and it was really interesting.
Speaker 1:He was like I made content for two years. I would come home from active duty my full-time job and make content every night for two years before anything took off. So you know me now because of the exponential spike where it shot off and you know now there's hundreds of thousands of viewers or whatever his numbers are at. But he's like I did two years of content with two viewers and five viewers and right. So yeah, now I get the car that I want and I've always wanted, uh, but yeah, that was really interesting. I never really thought of it that way, because at first I kind of thought the same thing you get the cool stuff, but it's like he was grinding for the longest time and then it happened to take off. But, like you had said earlier, consistency, which is making stuff every day trying to be funny, and then everyone's like, oh, this is hilarious and you know, and then it took off, but it takes a while.
Speaker 2:That's interesting no-transcript, whatever reason. It's like the world is kind of outside of you. It's like these, these bigger things are moving toward when, towards when this happens, then I'll have more happiness. When I get this, I'll have more happiness. And it's like going through those different experiences brought me to like a simplified, distilled version of what I'm actually grateful for. And so it's like, literally, the little things I could get up and like, oh man, I like I don't have to be anywhere right away, well, that's really cool, you know. Oh, I get to go out for the walk. Or oh, I had great people to talk to throughout the day. Or oh, you know, my, my friends really love me and appreciate me and I have family. It's like I could just keep going, you know. But it's like before it was like this all got overlooked and I was looking way outside of myself.
Speaker 2:And I believe that oftentimes one of our flaws as humans is we believe happiness exists outside of ourself, and so we're always reaching. It's out there, it's out there, it's out there. And you'll never win that game until you come inward and you're like no, no, it's right here, I'm content with who I am, where I'm at, and then the beautiful thing about that is you create from that space. And so earlier, when I had that quote successful business, I was creating it from a space of like inadequacy. And then now, as I create, it's like my cups are already full. It's even like in the bible right, it's a biblical verse about then your cup overfill it. When your cup overfill it, then it spills onto everyone around you. So what you get with troy now is my cup's spilling out. And so it's like real, genuine appreciation, genuine connection, genuine laughter.
Speaker 2:I like when I'm laughing with you, yo, I'm in the moment with you, like we're laughing, you know, we feel it. Uh, when I'm creating something with you, same thing, we're creating it. Man, this is the best Like we get to do this versus like I'm entitled to create. I should be doing this. That's emptiness, you know. So it's all kind of like distilled down and simplified. I'm grateful for these things. So I can kind of just stay in these simple energies of gratitude, connection, appreciation, little things. I'm the weirdo who literally I'll walk down the street and I'll walk by like a rose bush and I'm like, oh wow, that's gorgeous. And I'll sit there and I'll smell the roses. I literally learned to smell the roses. It's a very real thing that I do. Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:I feel like that happens as you get older. I don't know if that's like something that just comes with it. It's funny because I'll see like a really nice sunset or something, and I would just sit there. I'm like do you see all the colors? I got the two little ones, you know six and 10. They're like, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1:I'm like no look, the colors are like fading and it just looks amazing Like this one looks different than any other one I've ever seen and it just feels like the longer you know I'm alive, it just seems like more things are super cool. I mean, even today, the jets, the F-35s, are just obnoxiously loud. We're taking off and we were driving right beside them and I had both the kids in the back seat and I was like don't you love that, like the sound and the power you can feel? And they're like can you, you know, can you make it quieter?
Speaker 2:Like no, it's awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had the window down. I think he rolled his up. He's like too loud, but I'm like I don't know. The smaller things are just so amazing sometimes and it's interesting how, like changing your perspective, which we talked about earlier.
Speaker 1:But I saw something the other day, I think it was from a parent, and they were saying like initially they were like I have to clean up the dishes, I have to make you food, I have to do whatever. But then if you think of like if you lost your kids, which would be horrendous, it would be flipped, like I wish I could get to make food, I wish I got the chance to clean up your plate or pick up your toys, or I wish I got that chance. So it's interesting. We talked also about you know words, having power, but oh, I have to to I get to make food so you can go out and have a good day and your day at school is is good because I provided you like the nourishment and things like that. So it is difficult, I mean day in and out, but I think reframing and changing that perspective is super important.
Speaker 2:Massive, yeah, life-changing.
Speaker 1:Well, troy, I wanted to give you a final takeaway. All these goodness you know we shared today, or something from your book, or what's the thing you want listeners to take away from today's podcast?
Speaker 2:Thank you, brother. Yeah, it's been great, man, I'd say. You know, ideally I don't want you to have to go through. Maybe you have right. We all have our own battles and challenges, and many far worse than what I've been through, but it's not anything I would wish upon anyone. And so don't wait necessarily for those moments to find your best self, to really embrace life with gratitude, and I think some simple things you can do are to make conscious note of the things in your life that you're grateful for, to really retrain your brain, to be grounded in the present moment and find gratitude for already that what's already existing in your life. It's already there.
Speaker 2:You know, one of the stories I share in my book is I was one of my struggles mental struggles. I I kind of carried was my kids all shared the same room in a small house. Now, I kind of wore that for a long time, like I'm not doing a good job as a dad and provider and they all have to sleep in the same room. And then one day, like it snapped, it just completely switched. I heard them all laughing, playing in their room and I literally started to cry and like, wait, what? Like they like this, they're gonna look back and go like, do we all share the same room? Remember that, and it was like that's my own stupid story and narrative. I have going on.
Speaker 2:And so to your point you just mentioned like a perspective shift, and that really put me into gratitude. Like dude, I get to be here with these kids, I get to have this experience. And so, coming back to the present moment, ground yourself in gratitude, because then you exist from that space. It'll bring you into your heart, it'll quiet your mind and that's a beautiful space to live and create from. And so that would be my wish for you. You don't need anything outside of yourself for that to happen. You can start that process today.
Speaker 1:Perfect. Thank you, troy. I encourage listeners to share their thoughts on social media. I got email. Social media, facebook buzzsprout uh, youtube, uh. We just moved out to tiktok so doing short videos, so you see one minute, one to two minute clips of troy. Uh, here pretty soon uh, but I love you all see ya.
