MindForce: Mental Fitness & Life Stories!
Join Nate on MindForce, a podcast exploring the intersection of love, life, and learning. Through authentic conversations and personal stories, we dive into the complexities of mental fitness, self-care, and personal growth. With a focus on empathy, resilience, and inspiration, MindForce is a safe space for listeners to reflect, learn, and connect with others. Tune in for thought-provoking discussions, heartfelt stories, and practical insights to help you navigate life's challenges and cultivate a stronger, wiser you!
*The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the individual(s) involved and do not reflect the official policy or position of the United States Air Force, the Department of Defense, or any other agency of the United States Government. *
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MindForce: Mental Fitness & Life Stories!
Proactive Mental Fitness: PJ Aubrey on Overcoming Stigma, Embracing Resilience, and Cultivating Mindset Habits
What if mental fitness was as integral to your daily routine as brushing your teeth? Join us on Mindforce as we explore this intriguing concept with PJ Aubrey, the dynamic host of "Survivor's Guide to Hell." Together, we unravel PJ's compelling journey into mental health advocacy, influenced by the tumultuous events of 2020 and his experiences with trauma during his Mormon mission. Our conversation offers an introspective look at how mental health awareness has transformed over the years, shifting from stigma to a culture of open dialogue. PJ's insights remind us of the importance of proactive mental fitness, drawing parallels to the way we approach our physical health.
As we navigate the heavy topics of grief and perspective, a poignant conversation about the loss of my father surfaces, offering lessons on finding meaning amidst adversity. Reflecting on my experiences in Japan during the COVID-19 lockdown, we delve into the mental health challenges of social isolation and its enduring impact on human connections. This episode underscores the significance of recognizing signs that may indicate a need for mental health attention, even when life seems picture-perfect on the surface. Communication emerges as a critical skill, paving the way for more meaningful discussions and stronger mental well-being.
The power of habits takes center stage as we discuss journaling, mindset, and resilience. Discover how simple practices like journaling can transform emotional processing and task management, especially in professional settings. We touch on the magic of mindset in determining life paths, illustrating how people from similar backgrounds can forge distinctly different futures based on their internal dialogue. The episode also highlights the importance of balancing spontaneity with responsibility, encouraging a focus on joy and resilience despite life's unpredictability. Listen in and be inspired to share your own mental fitness journey, contributing to a community centered on resilience and mental clarity.
Hi there, I'm Nate Shearer, your guide on Mindforce, the podcast for love, life and learning, where we're all about love, life and learning, because what's on your mind really does matter. Today we have PJ Aubrey and today we're going to be talking about how to use mental fitness to address a chaotic world, discussing easy mental health techniques anyone can use, as well as the role your attitude plays in our health and healing. So, PJ, I want to give you the floor for the who, what, why, who are you, what do you do and why are you here?
Speaker 2:Hello, I'm PJ Aubrey. I'm glad to be here. I graduated with my bachelor's in psychology from Brigham Young University in 2018. And ever since, I've been just an insatiable mental health advocate. So I guess you could say I'm here because I think we've all seen a decline in mental health, whether it's inside us or around us, and one of my missions is to help alleviate that as much as I can. I'm the host of the mental health podcast Survivor's Guide to Health, which is supposed to help you manage your mental health. So your mental health doesn't manage you, and that's the flip version.
Speaker 1:Perfect. Do you have a specific story or anything that got you started in the mental health realm?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, my story goes back to the year everybody loves to hate 2020. It was very rocky. I get the feeling we'll talk about it in more detail during our interview, but that was the year that I started the podcast.
Speaker 1:Okay, sounds good. So that was kind of the turning point of COVID. Do you have anything from your growing up, or history or you know? Did you talk about mental health as you were growing up as a kid? What did that look like?
Speaker 2:I don't think mental health was a very prevalent subject growing up, but I did have a pretty healthy family, so I don't think I was exposed to a lot of the traumas that are so common, at least in the United States. I used to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints you might recognize them as Mormons and I served a Mormon mission and I saw a lot of different households, particularly like lower socioeconomic households, like lower socioeconomic households, and that was my first real exposure to, I guess, to all different kinds of traumas and mental illnesses and how that can follow someone throughout their life.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. It's interesting how, over time, we've talked about it more and more and it seems like, you know, we didn't discuss it at all. Even if we did have conversations and processing and whatnot, it just wasn't a, you know, very specific thing. That's kind of the reason I started the podcast. I lost my grandma to mental health and I think a lot of that different generation, different time. You know, the stigma is still there to a certain extent, but it was even more back then. And so it's just interesting to me which interesting is probably not a powerful enough a word but that we just couldn't talk about it, we couldn't move through these things, and that's why I kind of honed in on the title of mental fitness. You're not waiting to just jump on the treadmill one time and never go again. So I hope that these conversations and things like that we're able to, you know, make this more normal and, you know, process things more openly. But before we start the interview, I wanted to give you a chance to ask a question to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah well, I guess it's the same question, in a sense, that you asked me. I'd love to know why you started this podcast and what you're hoping to achieve by increasing, you know, mental fortitude, mind force.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm active duty military and so we go through a lot of different trainings and you know we meet once a year and have a down day and talk about suicide prevention and different things like that, and it's just. I don't know what the answer is, and I think that might be one of the most difficult things. But the only thing I've really come to a conclusion for as a solution is is connection, and I think connection comes from conversation. So initial title for the show would have been sheerious conversations a play on my last name is Sheer.
Speaker 1:I didn't want it to be about me myself and I also didn't want it to be, you know, poking fun or, you know, making too light of the situation with mental health, so I kind of steer away from that. But I think that's the goal of the whole thing is just having conversations and making it more normal, you know, being able to talk about the things that you're working on and the ways that you're working on it. I think that should be a common thing. It's really bizarre to me. I'm in the medical world, so I'm a health care administrator, and so it's odd to me that in health we can prescribe things and talk about things, but it's related to the body and it seems like once it crosses over the mind, which is still a part of the body, it just changes all the things, which is really odd to me. Like we talked about workouts earlier, I would love if people talked about how they meditated or sat here, went to church or, you know, worked on these things and you know how they and I'm doing abs. You know we commonly openly talk about the human body aspect of it, but it's like I never see like someone. You know. I'm sure it happens from time to time. But talking about the ways they're working on their, their health, their, their mental health, uh, or mental fitness, I think mental health is is a tough word for me, and that's why I kind of went the mental fitness route, because I feel like mental health has a negative connotation. It's a building, it's a place, it's a person you talk to and, like I said, it always seems like it's at the worst possible time, which I don't think that's the way it was meant to be, and I don't know why we're there and hopefully the conversations, like you can have a reoccurring appointment with the therapist and therapist itself isn't, you know, a bad word either, so it's just interesting. But yeah, that's what I hope to gain.
Speaker 1:I hope you know someone on the show or something that said you know, get someone in the door to have, you know, reoccurring appointments or really just anything to improve their life. Like sometimes I hesitate because I reach out for guests and things like that and they're like oh, mental health, oh, I don't want to. That's, that's too deep or that's too. Really, anything Like we want to talk about journaling or coloring or I don't know, like anything that you believe will make someone's life better, like we will sit here and chat about it and hopefully push it out and someone will be like, oh cool, I stop and you know color within the lines and that makes me feel better because it helps me process.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I think they even did one on Tetris. Right, I saw one on Tetris. Like dropping the blocks on the screen and feeling that sense of organization I guess relieves stress, like you feel better because the blocks are going away and things are coming into line. So even something as silly as you know a Game boy game from the 80s will could help you feel better. If you want to talk about that, we'll do it. So that's kind of where it's at that's cool.
Speaker 2:Um, what you said made me think of this gym. It's like three minutes away from my house and every time you drive past it it's got these huge muscly trucks and jeeps in front of it. Um, I had a membership there and I was like I was the only minivan. You know, there was nothing. There was nothing sexy about the car that I brought to the gym, but it's. It's so easy to. I mean, it's more brag worthy to talk about how many reps you pulled and you know how much weight you can lift, whatever, but you know it's. You don't really hear people bragging about. You know, I finally broke through with my meditation today. Or, yeah, I got my new meditation coloring book today, or whatever the case may be. Maybe you and I can help make things a little more brag worthy when we talk about mental health.
Speaker 1:I would love to see it, you know, sitting at work, at the work center and someone's like I. You know, I have a bullet journal and I do this and it helps me process and when I end the day I cross stuff off and I feel better. That'd be so cool to hear right next to the guy with the back and bus. Cool, yeah, sure, that's awesome. So, yeah, as we move into the interview, first question I had for you is your focus is the chaotic world we live in, which I think is awesome, because one of my favorite things to say is we're all just trying to get through this crazy thing called life. There's no handbook, there's no, you know no rules. You just kind of try your best. And so the first thing I wanted to ask in today's chaotic world, how do you define mental health and why do you think it's becoming such a critical focus now over the last couple years?
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 1:I think that's super important. Like I think another thing I don't know synonym or whatnot, but purpose. Right, I think purpose is just wildly important. Like when people leave a job after 20 years, especially like the military for you know my personal example people, you know, if they get involved and start, continue to do stuff, they do great, but some people will just completely crumble because that act of service and purpose is gone and they don't know what to do. So I've seen, you know, some pretty difficult things where you lose that sense of purpose and I think purpose and meaning are really close. It's interesting.
Speaker 1:It reminds me of an episode I did one with my mom which I still can't believe. I squeezed my mom onto the show but I lost my dad a few years ago and so we talked about grief in the episode and one of the questions she'd asked me is like how do you process? And they still think back to the question because I don't think she likes my answer very much, but it makes me think of like perspective, and so mine is always perspective. Like it is a difficult thing and I'm not saying you know it's good by any means, but I was trying to think of the other people that things are going through, and so I guess I always compare and I mean comparing a good way, cause I think compare kind of has a negative connotation to it. But I remember just such a weird thing to remember but there was an incident with the duck boat. I don't remember where that was, but some girl, I think she was in high school. She went to school and like her whole family was lost during the day on like a vacation tour trip, and so she lost mom, dad, sister, brother I forget the makeup of the exact family, but I think of these situations where, like just reminded me of the concentration camp there's like things that are so bad or like I don't want to compare. So, like I said, I think that's not the right way, but just perspective, like things could definitely be worse and so I didn't want to go through that situation. It makes me who I am and how I process things going forward. But that's that was my answer to her. I don't think she really liked that all much, but that's that's what makes sense to me, is trying to like, at that perspective, the different things that are going on.
Speaker 1:So, and the meaning I think is really important too, like you said my, my dad had almost been killed by different stuff, like he got kicked in the head by a horse, like that's enough to kill a human being. But like I always like wonder like there was meaning in that right, like he's still here to raise me to a certain level so I could, you know, run the military and accomplish goals and do things that I wanted to do and you know, now I'm happy and set with my family and things like that and so there had to have been some meaning. There was. I think he got like struck by lightning, like he's got some crazy stories, like he probably shouldn't be here, right. So like meaning, right, is that? Is that the right way to process meaning?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I try to reflect back on the, on the good memories. So I think a lot of people think of like the what if, and you want to gravitate towards the what if, like the things they're missing out on now, but it's so much more meaningful and positive. You just think of like the what if, and you want to gravitate towards the what if, like the things they're missing out on now, but it's so much more meaningful and positive. You just think of all the, the good moments that you did have. But yeah, uh, to gravitate off the deep and negative, I'm curious you we started to talk about covid. Uh, I don't know if you want to go into that now, but you know, with 2020 and things like that, why do you think that mental fitness is kind of becoming more prevalent and more in the foreground? Is it just because it was, you know, something that impacted the whole world, or what are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:Thank you, hm, hmm yeah, that's absolutely true.
Speaker 1:And one thing I think that's interesting is, like you had mentioned, the social aspect and the isolation that went with that. Because one thing I still wonder. I mean it's been multiple years since it's happened, but I remember we were in japan at the time, so japan and korea were like fighting on who they were, who was going to lock down harder. So they put padlocks through the swing sets that was one of my favorites. They put, you know, wooden cutouts at the bottom of slides so you couldn't use them. They roped off the beaches. So, even like the outdoor activity, like oh, we can get outside and get some fresh air no, can't do that either.
Speaker 1:And so one of the things I remember the most was that contact log.
Speaker 1:So in the military I don't know if other companies or other people had to do that, but we didn't have this contact log of all the people that you were within six feet of, and so if you had gatherings or whatnot, you couldn't have more than four, but if you did, you had to have this contact log. And so my wife and I really liked to have board game nights. That's something that we love to, you know, play different things and have fun and was one thing that really started to drive this weird social divide and I still feel it, even though it's been multiple years. It feels like people didn't recover or maybe they're still like in the process of like working through that, but like people couldn't come together for so long because at least in the military we got paperwork and got in trouble and like people got kicked out and it was crazier in the during those times, specifically for covet infractions and so no one wanted to be seen with anyone. So that was pretty crazy. Did you see some of that same like interactions on the civilian world?
Speaker 2:Hmm, hmm, hmm you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes sense. What would you say are some signs that we need to pay closer attention to our mental fitness, even if on the surface we feel fine you Huh.
Speaker 1:Do you have some personal examples of that grouchiness Just lashing out or what does that look like you? You, yeah, communication is always one of those things. We could probably work on it our entire lives. I'm not sure we'd ever become experts at that particular thing. It's like how do you properly convey how you feel and what you need to get across without you know being abrasive?
Speaker 1:And it's interesting because we talk about you know how you talk and I think that's one of those even probably more difficult things is body language and tone and things like that. It's like we know what we said and that's like 10 I think it's like 86 or something is non-verbal. So it's the majority of what you do, like just how you're holding your shoulders is gonna, you know, say something different to your partner or your family. And it's even more difficult, I think, with kids. They they pick up on all sorts of little things. They they probably know how you're feeling more than you do. You. Yeah, that makes sense. For those that are feeling overwhelmed, I know, like I said, I work in health care. I think the military in general can be pretty overwhelming. What are some simple, easy to use mental health techniques that you can try right away?
Speaker 2:Hmm, hmm, you you.
Speaker 1:So in the current world, I feel like everything is faster and we're all about convenience, fast food, I mean, you can google an answer to any question you've ever thought of in your entire life in a second without having to go to an encyclopedia like we used to. Everything is about faster. So I'm curious your thoughts on the, the breathing exercises in this world, where it feels like there's just never enough time. What is a way to insert that in a normal? So I'm assuming you'd want to get some consistency. You don't want to just do it once. So what's a way to get that in into someone's life? Has people told you where they insert that? You, okay, no, you're good. So if somebody was like, that sounds great. How do I start? What do you recommend for starting out with breathing? I mean, you said it's free, you don't need anything. But if someone wanted to get more into it, I think there's like the Calm app. Or is there video on YouTubes and things like that? Youtubes Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, and your second one. I wish I could remember where the research was, because I know I've mentioned the show before, so I probably should go research it so I can actually back it up. But I saw somewhere where they talked about someone having an argument and they scanned their brain and they saw what parts of the brain lit up. And so they did it between an actual argument, between a person, and a thought of an argument, and so I thought that was super interesting, because the same exact parts of the brain lit up. So if you're thinking about a thing that is about to happen, or the thing is actually happen, it impacts you exactly the same. And so that reminds me of your second one. Like if you are saying the things in your head, if you are living it, then it is actually happening. So if you are going to have a great day and things like that, it's not, I think, the backup, like you said, like it feels kind of hokey and things like that, but if it's playing in your brain, it is actually happening.
Speaker 1:I did uh, well, that's interesting. Uh, okay, well, it didn't like something. Hang on a sec. Oh, the joys of the UK. The power is twice as powerful here. Several. Once in a while you just seem to lose something. Hope I didn't lose my sign, but I have a feeling I probably did you. Well, never mind, I guess I'll be a little bit darker. This will be a weird video. Okay, oh, but I lost my screen hang up. Screen hang up. Ah, never adult. Chaotic world, right, chaotic world, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Let's pull it together.
Speaker 2:Thank you, absolutely Okay, pj. I'm almost there, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, sorry about that. So, yeah, we're at 240 out here and you know, 120 in America. So, trying to learn, I'm trying, I read it. I thought it said it was fine, but I don't know. I'm trying, I read it. I thought it said it was fine, but I don't know. I think something just blew up. I tripped the breaker. Oh boy, what a fun time. Okay, Give my breath here for a second. It's funny In Japan we lived in a four-story house, because they're like straight, vertical in japan, and so we're again.
Speaker 1:So we moved to florida and we had a two-story like, okay, cool. Then we got out here to the uk and we're back in a three-story. So I had to go all the way down to the first flory story to trip the breaker. Isn't that crazy. Yeah, if you forgot something on the 4th, you just it's gone. I don't care anymore, it's too far gone. Okay, where were we? Were you saying something? Yeah, that makes sense, okay. So I'm curious. I've heard a lot more recently on journaling and other things like that. Do you encourage that also in daily habits?
Speaker 1:you Thank you, which I think is another powerful reminder, just to reiterate over and over but the balance of mind and body, right. So your pen or pencil is holding the thing you're processing. Do you have tips or tricks? This is what I would love to do, but I just don't know what I would actually do. Free flow Do you go with like prompts, like what does that first day of journaling look like?
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. Do you have journaling that sounds more like on the personal level? Do you have any journaling tips for you know, you said you're starting up the businesses. I've looked into bullet journaling. Do you have ways of checking stuff off and organizing things that still need to get done? Yeah, more like professional work related than you know, more about your day, because that feels more kind of like a diary. Is there more on the journaling? Maybe journaling is not the right word, but, yeah, about your professional life. Yeah, yeah, nice, nice.
Speaker 1:So you've emphasized the role of attitude a few different times. Can you walk us through how attitude can help in healing and your overall health? You, you seems so accurate.
Speaker 1:There's just so many stories I can think of where you have people from the same family and sometimes there is abuse, or, you know, divorce or whatever it may be, but you have one that seems to to get get on track and and I would, I'd have to say it must be that internal dialogue, that positive thinking, and sometimes I wonder if it's not even positive, which, not to counter you at all, but sometimes people have, you know, the ax to grind, or they want to, you know, almost revengeful, which probably isn't the right way to do it, but there are, you know, motivations where people are like hey, I got to accomplish some things, and so that is really interesting, how powerful that mindset from the inside can be, because, like you said, you can't control the external things, and so even the two people from the same exact house that maybe had a difficult time are going to come out completely different. It feels like it does a lot of times. Seems like one goes one direction and one goes another.
Speaker 1:Hmm, you there's another one too, and I can't think of what the term is. Maybe you know it, but there's the one where, like, you're slightly uncomfortable for a really long time, so you're in a bad relationship, or you slightly don't like your job, but you'll stay for the longest time because it's not enough of a shock and awe, like if something's really bad, like if you had abuse in your relationship, you would leave because it's shocking. But there's the one oh, that's going to bug me now where it's just slightly inconvenient. You know you're not at the place you probably should be, but you'll just kind of let it ride out. And that makes me think of the quote that you use. Where it's like it's inconvenient and you know it's not the love of your life, it's not the job that you know is your purpose or meaning, meaning, but you'll just kind of ride that out for like 20 years. But that is interesting how, as humans, we need, like, the shock almost right, and it must go back to caveman, we're being attacked by a saber-toothed tiger or something because if it's just like inconvenient, you'll look back. I mean, it's obviously, like you said, easier said than done, but you'll look back in the five or ten years and be like, oh, this was the thing I was meant to do. But you have to take the leap of faith and I think everything's in in in life is about balance. Right, like don't just leave your job and have nothing and you know you're living in your car because you didn't plan it out. But like life is is too short. Like I mentioned, I lost my dad. He was 50 and just some of that has just really stuck with me.
Speaker 1:I've always been an upbeat, happy person and you know, pretty happy, go lucky, uh, but that's really been like a core thing for me. Where, like life is too short and not in the way like YOLO, just throw money out the window and go crazy. Like again back to balance, but do the things that you want to do. Like if you're unhappy or whatnot, like try to change things because you don't know I mean you could walk into the street and get hit by a bus, we just don't know. Like 50 didn't seem. Like you know someone was going to be lost. At that point You're like, oh, you know 80, 90, you know half my life left. So definitely like feel like the kids want ice cream.
Speaker 1:It's late on a weekday, like who cares. I'm to a certain extent, you know, like and that's what a certain extent right, it can't load up all the time, but that's one thing I think I struggle with a little bit at work. People are like, oh, you know, you just always seem upbeat and happy, like, does anything bother you? Like, absolutely, things bother me, but like, at this point in time it's just not anything that's going to take my joy for a whole day. There's just so many minutes and hours in a day where, like, maybe you know, I have a bad night, I sleep it off and then, you know, reset the next day, but I just can't allow anything to like steal that amount of time.
Speaker 1:So one thing I wanted to kind of circle back. We had kind of touched on it briefly, but I'd like to hear a little bit more in depth. I think in the military, you know, burnt out, we, you know, maybe drink a little bit more than we should. We have these things where you know it's socially acceptable. No one really notices, but some people are stuck in this negative mindset for a slew of different reasons. But what is the best way? Because I feel like, back to it's only slightly inconvenient, like you'll just kind of continue. What's the best way to break um these negative mindsets and break the cycle, or do you have to identify it first? Maybe that's the first problem.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm you yeah, that makes sense. I'm curious with those things. Sometimes I am nervous about some of those goals and things like that. I mean I love goals, I love people, love seeing people accomplish their goals. Are you at all afraid if you set something too high? I mean, obviously you want to shoot for the stars, but are you worried if you don't accomplish it, that you'll have you know comparison and have trouble? You know processing that portion, or do you make it achievable enough?
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Atomic Habits, right by James Clear. He talks about that 1%. 1% is you know the right direction. He says, like you're going to go one direction or another, you're going to get worse or you're going to get better. Like those are the only two options.
Speaker 1:No-transcript maintain. But his argument is like no, you're just going to get better or worse, like those are the only two. Cause I think back to the slowly, like you know, slightly inconvenient, you'll just oh, I'll just maintain. But I think, if you look at it that way, like am I got to go for the walk and, you know, go around the block for a run? Or made a sit on the couch, because sitting on the couch is probably going to get worse, even though I'm sure we'd like to believe it's maintaining? Um, so I'd love to ask some examples. We went over some real world tips, which is probably my favorite part. I think a lot of times in the trainings and different things we do, we talk about hypotheticals and things like that. So I love that we touched on real world tips and tricks. That's awesome. But I'd like to hear some examples of a time when a small mental health, habit or mindset shift made a big difference for you or someone you've worked with hmm, so funny story.
Speaker 1:Sorry to interrupt, but we moved in the middle of it. And, uh, the military. The thing they do is they write down your inventory of all the things you have. One of the sheets they have is the high value list. It's supposed to be for your TVs and things like that. So the guy I mean partly a joke, but he wrote the toilet paper on the high value list because no one could get it could get it Weird time.
Speaker 1:you, you, you, you, you, thank you. That's a wild. I mean, that's almost exactly what we were talking about with like that shock. Sometimes it seems like you need the big shock, like your life was fine, it wasn't like awful, but the shock of you know these different things and I feel like a lot of times they're usually health related um, that really wake us up. But that's awesome to hear like that just shift in mindset, like the situation is still the same. Just the mindset shift was really what got you on track and things are going great. You know you're trying to accomplish some goals and do some different things. That is really awesome. So, finally, I wanted to ask you, after we talked you know, nearly an hour, a lot of good stuff today what's one key takeaway or piece of advice you hope listeners will remember as they work on their own mental health in a chaotic world?
Speaker 2:Oof you, you that's perfect.
Speaker 1:I always try to think of wd-40. Everyone has it, it's a household name, but it took 39 crappy recipes until they got to wd40, with whatever wd stands for. But those people like have crazy amounts of money and everyone has it, but they didn't get. It's not wd1, it's wd40. So well, pj, thank you for coming out right. Isn't that crazy? 39, just bad. I'm assuming they're all bad, maybe. Maybe they were somewhat okay, but I'd like to think they were really bad. But, pj, thank you for coming on the show. I encourage listeners to share their thoughts. Social media I got the Facebook page. The audio will come out on all the wonderful platforms that you listen to. Podcasts Try to get some videos up on Instagram and TikTok. I'm old so I'm still trying to figure out social media, but I'll get some clips out. But I love you all, see ya.
