Embracing Authenticity: Becca Stackhouse-Morson on Financial Waffleology, Personal Growth, and Navigating Life's Transitions

This enlightening conversation centers on the importance of building a strong relationship with oneself as a foundation for personal and financial authenticity. Becca Stackhouse-Morson shares valuable insights on self-love practices like journaling, financial management strategies, and the necessity of navigating life changes while remaining true to oneself. 

• Understanding the significance of building self-relationship 
• Utilizing journaling as a tool for self-reflection and emotional health 
• Exploring financial literacy through the engaging "Waffle Theory" 
• Learning from personal financial setbacks and their subsequent lessons 
• Embracing change as a catalyst for self-reinvention and growth 
• Navigating interpersonal dynamics and identifying toxic relationships 

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https://mindforcepodcast.buzzsprout.com

Chapters

• 0:20 Building Authentic Relationships With Mindforce
• 7:55 Connecting Through Journaling and Financial Waffleology
• 18:08 Navigating Life Changes and Self-Discovery
• 25:58 Boosting Confidence and Financial Stability
• 39:01 Understanding and Managing Personal Finances
• 45:53 Reinventing Self Through Life Challenges
• 51:27 Reinventing Relationships Through Personal Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:20

Thank you for watching. Hello everyone, I'm Nate Shearer, your host and you've tuned in to Mindforce, a podcast that discovers love, life and learning, because your mind matters. Today we have Becca Stackhouse-Morson and today we'll be talking about building a strong relationship with yourself, building a strong relationship with your finances and the mindset for an authentic self. So we'll move on to the warm-up, the who, what, why, who are you? Who are you, what do you do and why are you here?

Speaker 2: 0:58

So the who, what and why am I? I am a person that just likes to find the really, really fun aspects of the day or the time. I like to find the happy moments, even when things are hard. So I like to include people in what is going on when I travel. I like to bring things back and share. I like to make sure that everybody's got what they need. I would say those are the things of who I am. What do you do?

Speaker 2: 1:30

So I am an educator by trait, of different ways. I've done that Throughout my life. I've taught. I either taught swim lessons, taught lifeguarding. Now it's really the main focus on authenticity of who you are and even why it's important to have that. So I do that through all kinds of avenues. I do it through podcasting, blogging, emails, and then in-person and online workshops. Those are the different ways that I educate. Now I have found that I really love to do it in person. I like people interaction. To me, it's a whole lot more fun than doing things virtual. You just don't get the same thing. And then I am here because I'm working on sharing my platform. I'm working on sharing why I believe having an authentic relationship with yourself is important before you move into the relationship with everything else that's perfect.

Speaker 1: 2:29

It's a small world. I grew up as a lifeguard in the city and moved into, you know, head guard positions and taught swim lessons. I've taught everyone, from babies to adults, and I would definitely say adults are the worst. If you've made it that far and you know you're afraid of the water, you're afraid for a very specific reason. You have a pretty deep fear at that point. So breaking that is rough. Trying to get adults just to blow some bubbles.

Speaker 2: 2:56

I taught swim lessons somewhere and there would be people that either I taught at a scuba shop, so people would either sign up to start scuba lessons but hate to put their head under the water and you're like you realize what you signed up for, right? Or me and my sister had some people that signed up to be in the Navy and we were again, you realize what you signed up for before, right? Yeah, so I've taught from like babies babies all the way to older adults and it's fun and I love my life guarding, but I actually think I just let it expire this year after 16th interesting.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Yeah, I only held mine through high school and then it expired. After that. Done a lot of diving, though. I was a stationed in Guam for a little while, so I racked up quite a few dives out there, made my way up to Divemaster, making fun things. One thing I did not realize that people are afraid of is like the claustrophobia with the mask. Like that never bothered me and I never really thought much about it, but people feel trapped when they have the mask, for whatever that reason is.

Speaker 2: 4:07

So that's tough to get people through that. I guess I could see that my sister made it all the way to her dive master. I'm just along for the fun of diving. I'm good on teaching people, I'll just go enjoy him.

Speaker 1: 4:20

Yeah, I never moved it into much farther than that, because then you go into St structure and things like that and I didn't want all that, I wanted to have some fun. I only got dm because I was trying to get free air and free boat rides. But you know, by the time I got it, I moved and then I was sad not a bad way to do it yeah, I mean, if I'm gonna be out there anyway, I'll guide two people and get everything for free because I'm gonna go anyway that but.

Speaker 1: 4:45

I wanted to give you a chance to ask me a question before we start on the interview.

Speaker 2: 4:49

Since you don't want to know how the show started, let's go with what's the coolest place you dove and why did you get into diving?

Speaker 1: 4:56

Well, absolutely yeah. So not to get too dark too quickly. But I have this fear. One of my deepest fears is my mind breaking down, right. So my body when it breaks down, it feels natural Like you're supposed to move into the walker and into the wheelchair and that's fine for whatever reason. But in relation to the show Mental Fitness, I'm more freaked out by my mind breaking down. So my thought is, if I keep working at things, skills and hands-on things that I can prolong some of the dementias and some of the negative aspects or negative things we have with the mental health side of it.

Speaker 1: 5:33

So when I got stationed in Guam, I moved through my DM and then my next base was at Edwards, so I drove down to Riverside and got my skydiving certification. The next one, I got my PMP. So I pick a skill or something and try and work on something to keep my mind active. And my favorite place by far is Guam. I kind of set myself up pretty badly because the bar is set so high.

Speaker 1: 5:59

So I went from Guam over to Japan, kadena, okinawa, japan and like oh, the diving's pretty good over here. I was like cool, I was all excited, but it's just difficult to compare to Guam. So in Guam you have a blue hole which there's like five in the world. They don't really know why they're caused. Some people say bombs and other things. But it's like a giant, well looking thing that glows blue up out of the top. And then there's a ship from world war one and world war two in the same grave, which has only happened there in the entire world, so you can physically touch ships from two different world wars at the same time.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Only time that's ever happened, cruise ship came through and put its anchor into one of them, kind of wrecked it pretty bad there's just so much there because there's the harbor, so the weather is always good, the visibility is pretty good most of the time because it's shielded by the harbor. But yeah, there's some really cool dive sites, one of my favorites called cb junkyard, uh. So the navy has cbs uh, which is like civil engineering, and before we cared about the environment we pushed everything off the end of the island and so this site you could dive, you know, a hundred times and find something new. You see wheels and cables and there's a motorcycle down there, all sorts of stuff. So you can dive a junkyard full of stuff, of really cool stuff. Everything looks cooler underwater, for whatever reason.

Speaker 2: 7:18

It does, it really does. I'd have to say that. You're see, I've only really dove in the Gulf of Mexico, which is has some cool diving, but it is not clear diving by any means of it. So yes, I would say, if you started in clear water, move into non clear water. Very hard.

Speaker 1: 7:40

And bathwater too. It's like the lowest temperature on my watch ever recorded was 79 degrees. Like the water is like 80 all the time. Yeah, that's different too. It's like the lowest temperature on my watch ever recorded was 79 degrees. Like the water is like 80 all the time.

Speaker 2: 7:48

Yeah, that's different too.

Speaker 1: 7:50

Yeah, so it's pretty tough, but we'll move into some fun warm up question. So what's a small daily habit you adopted that makes you feel more connected to yourself?

Speaker 2: 8:00

Journaling.

Speaker 2: 8:01

I would say journaling is probably my small biggest habit that reconnects me to myself and to make that go a little broader of it is I used to like since I was little, like eight or nine I would do it like I tell my parents goodnight, but then I would go journal and do my Bible studies and read for probably two or three hours after.

Speaker 2: 8:24

Well, I did that all the way until about three years ago and when I got married I discovered that that wasn't a good time. Like that was the time that we were connecting, winding down from our night, and that's when we got to talk and connect. So I had to spend the next, like as I got married, I had to figure out when my journaling could happen in my day, because it's like when it wasn't happening it was affecting everything else. And so now I get up with my husband, get him ready for work, he leaves for work and then that's when I journal. So journaling is definitely one of my small, because it can be small or big. Like I have different kinds of journals and one literally takes me five minutes, so it doesn't take me much time on some of them, but it's definitely the way that I connect to myself and feel most connected when I'm written through a process and thought, and so I've had to figure out when that goes, and now it's in the morning that it happens for me that's a good one.

Speaker 1: 9:29

So I've heard journaling on the show a couple times and it's one of the ones I think that intrigues me the most is I. I just don't understand enough. So do you open-ended like a diary type thing? Or you said there's different types. If someone's listening, like oh, that sounds great, like to try that, like do you start with questions? Do you get a journal that has things in it? What's the best way to start? I mean, you've been doing I guess, since you were six, so yeah but if someone wanted to start if you wanted to start.

Speaker 2: 9:59

I think it depends on your purpose and why so. I have one that's written by Jenna Kutcher. That's like here are three big goals, and then here's a short synopsis, like just a few paragraphs, so it's one page. You write your day. You talk about three things, whether it's goals, things you're thankful for something you're working on. Then you can freehand, you can bullet, point however you want.

Speaker 2: 10:22

I have one that is a five-year prayer journal, and so it's like literally like five sentences, and so it's like so I'm only on the first year in it and so you only have a little bit of space to write in, and it's just right in that day. I have a couple of journals and so I use those two every day. I have one that there's questions in it, and so if I just feel like I need to write, I'll just open it to a random page and answer the question. And then the other one that I use every day is it's I just number it every day and it's just writing different things I'm grateful for or things that have happened, or occasionally. That'll turn into a longer free hand, set a time limit on it. It's more of what I feel like I need or what I have time for.

Speaker 1: 11:12

Yeah. So it leads me into another question. I'm curious. The world seems like it's just going faster and faster, feels like there's more to do. Do you ever find like you feel preoccupied or anxious on having to do it? I mean, I guess it's your way of processing, but have you ever felt like you're just there's too much going on and so you skip it and then you feel worse, or how does that work? Or do you ever miss it?

Speaker 2: 11:41

No, I do. It's not been perfect in finding it. I didn't used to miss it when I did it at night, because I couldn't go to sleep until I did it, and so, like it was my way of winding my brain down for the night, and then, as that switched, now I lay in the bed and I'm asleep in five minutes. So now it's if I don't start my day with it. I then struggle Like struggle of when do we fit it back in? And so I'm really trying to.

Speaker 2: 12:10

Ok, I don't really open my phone and get on my phone. I definitely don't open my computer and start working, because if I do either of those things, all of a sudden it's noon and it's like, well, that's not getting done today. And then I didn't start my process off for the day, because now it's, I processed the previous day and what I'm going to do today. So if I don't start it in the morning, it honestly doesn't happen, and so it's. But I've found and on the weekends I find it a little harder because my routine's not the same, it's just it's where I put it in my routine and I'm. Everything is busy, but it's the commitment to myself that's important. And so I found that journaling is my way to connect to myself, and so if I don't do that, then I can't figure out what might be wrong or what might be happening, or what's making me happy or what's frustrating me. So it's the commitment of understanding what I need, and for me, journaling helps me do that.

Speaker 1: 13:11

That's a good one. I mentioned on one of the other episodes, but I'll repeat it because I think it's super good. I saw someone a coworker did and he would print off his calendar at the end of the week and try to figure out all the stuff he got done and then, more importantly I think, the things he didn't get done and why he didn't get done. So he'd make a note next to it like ran out of time, didn't prioritize this, ran into roadblocks. I need to elevate this to someone that can handle this because you know, I didn't get the push that I needed or whatnot, and so I think that's something that's really good for him.

Speaker 1: 13:41

Uh well, people to close out the week and same way you're closing out the day and preparing for the day you're closing out that week and getting ready for the next one, like okay, I should get these things done. Maybe I need to prioritize, maybe I need to set more time or maybe I need to give that to someone, but I thought that was really good to sit there and process because we want to go faster and get more stuff done. But if you spend the time and pause for a minute, it's probably going to pay the dividends later on, so I'm sure his weeks after that were a lot more successful. The next question I have for you if your financial journey was a board game, what would it be called and what's the ultimate goal? How do you win the game?

Speaker 2: 14:21

I was asking my mom this. Before I talked, I was reading questions and my mom's like, well I know what it would be. She said waffle-ology. So I will expand on it. One is I love Monopoly and, if you didn't know, on November 19th it's National Monopoly Day and my husband and I are in our fourth year of playing each other annually to see who will win. Right now we are two and two. We have a monopoly board that we sign with it.

Speaker 2: 14:49

But why it would be awful waffle ology is because I have a waffle theory that goes along with finances, because I had to figure out how to.

Speaker 2: 14:59

I am very extensive in the way that I understand my budget and I understand and function in an Excel spreadsheet, so that's where I function with my finances.

Speaker 2: 15:08

But I had to figure out how to explain it to my sister and trying to help her some, and then I learned that this was the way that I explained it to my husband and then it's the way that I've explained it as I've done education and finances with youth and middle schoolers and younger kids. And it's if you take a waffle. So if you think about a waffle, there are all different shapes of waffles, right, but if you think of a Belgian waffle, because they're the ones with the deep, deep squares. If your waffle is structured correctly, then your syrup is going to stay in each little cup, but if the batter is not structured correctly, then it's all going to run over itself. And so, like a budget, if your budget does not have a spending plan that is structured correctly, you're going to have money just going all over the place and you're not going to know what to do with it. So I think your ultimate way of making it the goal would be to make sure all of your syrup stays in its own little cups.

Speaker 1: 16:12

Okay, waffleology. There it is. The goal is to keep the syrups in the deep divots for the win. Okay, last warm-up question what's a mindset, mantra or phrase that instantly helps you reset when you're feeling stuck?

Speaker 2: 16:29

Could have been in worse situations.

Speaker 1: 16:32

I'm still alive.

Speaker 2: 16:33

Then I'm okay and I'm still alive that one really comes from. So I do jujitsu and you get in really bad situations but you're not dead and you're not broken. So you can still work your way out of something and I think that's it is. You can work your way out of whatever a situation is and get to a reset and reevaluate why you got there.

Speaker 1: 16:56

Yeah, absolutely, that's a good one. Okay, we'll move into building a strong relationship with yourself. So I'd like to start. I love stories, big storyteller. Can you share a moment in your life when you realized you needed to focus on building a better relationship with yourself?

Speaker 2: 17:12

I think there's been a few moments that that's really happened and has been recently, more recently, and some of that is so. Some of that is I went through like six transitions at the same time Went from we got married Within three months, we moved, quit our jobs, sold a house, started my business and like move states. We didn't just move, we moved states. Both of us changed jobs, started a job, in that both my grandmothers I lost, and then we miscarried. So like there was a ton of transition and things that happened at the same time and I had some friendship shifts and loss in friendships. And so recently I mean I've done it a few times. I did it the last time I broke up with somebody in 2014. And just like, wait, you really don't like who I am, we're just going to move on. Don't like who I am, we're just going to move on.

Speaker 2: 18:08

But with this one, realizing that I really needed to build some patterns for myself was I was just the way that it was put to me recently is I was shoveling snow in a blizzard and just putting it behind me. So like the snow was just being shoveled and I turned around and there was the pile of snow behind me. So I realized that I really needed to look at where my routines were. I really needed to look at what was if I was a tree, what was I allowing to not prune away so that I could grow in a different way? Need to really look at what is giving to me in this stage in life. What is giving to me is still, I would say, relatively newly married. I mean, we've been married almost three years, but I would say we're still relatively in learning each other, learning what it is to be in each other's life every single day and what it looks like to live life together.

Speaker 2: 19:10

It was really realizing that I needed to focus on how that grows for us and then how to grow a business, because both of these things are in their very infant stages, and so I had to really learn into okay, what do I need? And then how does that translate to everybody around me? How do I not cut people off? But maybe there's not the time for that right now and so you have to be shifted, or I just don't have as much to give. So it would be recently, pretty recently, and I've done it by making sure my mornings are starting the way I need my mornings to start looking at my calendar and going and creating some free space. Not planning every single moment, which helps because it gives you the flexibility for last minute things, but the flexibility to have do absolutely nothing days or just do limited things, and then on one day this week or we're in a new wedding Friday. Last week I walked up to the flower shop and went and bought myself flowers because I wanted a bouquet of flowers. So, finding the things that I, just things that I know that give me life back, and making sure that I'm allowing the space and the time for those, from exercise to sleep to time with certain people or just sharing. I like to share, I like to make food for people, and so finding the time to do that.

Speaker 1: 20:42

Okay, that's a lot of changes. A lot of things happen at the same time when it rains, it pours, and then we moved again. Oh, and you moved again, moved again.

Speaker 2: 20:51

okay, just wanted one more moved again, changed states again and started a new job.

Speaker 1: 20:57

Yeah, so where are you at now?

Speaker 2: 21:00

so we moved. In 2022 we moved from georgia to alabama, and then this year we moved from alabama to georgia okay, so we're in a different part of georgia than we were when we first, when we moved year, we moved from Alabama to Georgia, so we're in a different part of Georgia than we were when we first, when we moved where we moved from.

Speaker 1: 21:16

Interesting, okay. The next question is what's a practice or habit that's been most transformative Geez, I can't even read my own. I'm going to have to edit this now. Transformative in helping you nurture self-love and self-acceptance?

Speaker 2: 21:33

Finding something that made me leave work, so in 2019 is when I picked up jujitsu, and it was because I went with my older brother somewhere and I watched him not that I hadn't been doing jiu-jitsu for a decade, so I had watched him a lot before this, but this particular trip I watched him do it and I watched there be some girls my size in the room and I went hmm, interesting, and three weeks later I called him and I said I think I want to start this, I think I want to start this, I think I want to try this. And he goes are you sure? I was like, yeah, and I needed something that made me leave my office, because I was working in a career and I loved my job and that was part of it. I love my job, so I was happy to put in 70 or 80 hours, but you're only getting paid for 40. I didn't have anything to go home to and so to be able to make myself go exercise. It became a self-accountability for myself. It became I learned something new.

Speaker 2: 22:43

I was physical and jujitsu is one of the cool things of when you step onto a mat, you can't think about anything else, like, if you think about anything else, you're going to get your ankle broken or you're going to get yourself choked out. You got consequences to not focusing, and so a jiu-jitsu mat has become one of my practices of, even though I'm not necessarily on it as often as I was when I started. When I started, I was there twice a day for like five and six hours a day, so I hadn't quite gotten back into that pattern, but I still do it. So I'm still making sure an hour or two at least every couple of days I hit a Jiu-Jitsu mat and it's one of the things that it's it's accomplishing and it's my form of self-love, because it's keeping me active and it keeps me challenging. It also gives you a community of people from all kinds of paths that you wouldn't know any other way.

Speaker 1: 23:44

That's interesting. Why do you think people call it mental chess?

Speaker 2: 23:49

Because you have to focus. You have, jiu-jitsu is a game. I mean jiu-jitsu definitely has its forms of self-defense, but if you're playing within specific room sets and rule sets and you're in certain rooms, you're having to. If I give you this, then I get that and that. So if I give you this, then I get that and that. So if I give you one movement, I might be able to get to the back that I'm trying to get to. You can't just sit there. If you just sit there and you don't engage, neither one of you are going to get anywhere.

Speaker 1: 24:24

I guess, like chess right, you sacrifice something to get to another position. Huh Huh, that's interesting. If somebody was interested in jujitsu, what would you say? Advice wise. You had someone that was there and took you and got you in. Someone looking from the outside. Do you have any tips on making that transition? Maybe it's, you know, seems kind of daunting going and fighting. Quote unquote.

Speaker 2: 24:49

The gym that fits you seems kind of daunting going and fighting, quote, unquote the gym that fits you. So if you're, it depends on the area you are in, because not all areas have equal access to the jiu-jitsu. They just don't. It just doesn't exist the same way. But find a gym, be okay going in a few times to figure out if the gym fits you or not. And if it doesn't fit you be okay walking out and if you can find somebody to go with you, and if you're, if you're a female, trying to find it, see if you can find a gym that's got an upper female, an upper belt, that's a female, because a lot of times that'll help in that transition because as a female you're gonna be a minority in the room. I mean, I was in a room this morning that might have had 30 people in it. Three of us were girls.

Speaker 1: 25:35

A little outnumbered.

Speaker 2: 25:36

You're in a sport that is definitely higher in male and most rooms. It doesn't matter the guys they're going to train with you. You might have some that won't but if from the top they're really rude to you as a female, go find another room because there's a safe room to be in.

Speaker 1: 25:56

Awesome, that's good advice. Last question in this section how do you handle moments of self-doubt or inner criticism, and what advice would you offer to someone struggling with the same?

Speaker 2: 26:08

Write on my mirror. I write on. I have different sayings all over the place, and so it's. I take things that in that in my morning reading or when I see a quote or thing or something like that, I'll write on my mirror, like the bathroom mirror, and I just write it out. Because how many times in a day are you going to see your bathroom mirror? You at least see it when you're brushing your teeth and getting ready in the morning. You at least see it at night. If you work at home, you're going to see it a few more times throughout the day. So I put quotes and things in different places that are helpful for me. I put them in different areas because we are our own worst critics of the time, 90% of what we say to ourself is negative.

Speaker 2: 26:55

We only talk to ourself very little, and positive. We talk to ourself in ways we wouldn't talk to a friend. So my advice is to figure out where having something written helps you, and even have a friend that helps you like, hey, it's helpful to me when you send me some encouragement and find them and let them do it when they think about you, and that's one other way. As a person on the flip side of it, anytime I think something would help somebody that's a friend or somebody. I know what you're kind of going through. I just send it whether you get in a reply or not.

Speaker 2: 27:30

You send it because at that moment you have allowed them to know that you thought of them, that you're thinking of them, and so I think that's helpful is anytime we have somebody that can find some, can send us some encouragement, even if they don't know that's what they're doing. And self-doubt it's finding the confidence of what you're doing and really believing in it, and you have to believe in it for anybody else to believe in it. And then one other way I've done it is I created a 30-day self-affirmation challenge and so giving yourself some daily affirmations, and that can be one way that helps, because after 21 days you've begun to create a habit within yourself of giving yourself some positive self-affirmation.

Speaker 1: 28:18

Yeah, that's all good stuff. It's interesting. I saw this study. They were talking about how, when you enact things in your brain, if you're thinking through a fight that's about to happen, or different things, or replaying a situation you had where you should have said something differently or whatnot the exact same parts of your brain light up when it actually occurred and when you think about it. So sometimes it's funny. We say like, oh, you should, you know, talk to yourself and be kind to yourself and things like that. And some people are like oh, it's kind of like hippie stuff. It's like it actually enacts the exact same part of your brain. So it's almost like it's actually occurring. I mean it is actually occurring because the exact same parts light up when they do the scan. So that's interesting.

Speaker 1: 29:00

One of my favorite quotes she says we're having conversations all the time and sometimes they involve other people. You are always talking to yourself constantly. They involve other people. You are always talking to yourself constantly, and so if you're going to be, you know, negative and pulling yourself down, I mean it's going to make it very difficult to get things accomplished. So it's all good stuff.

Speaker 2: 29:18

Well, and it's going to make it really hard to hear the positive that other people are saying, because you're just expecting that negative commentation, because that's what you're saying to yourself, so obviously that's what everybody else is saying to you, right? But that might not be what's true, as they may be positive, but you only might hear the one or two negative that come out of it.

Speaker 1: 29:37

I love the idea of sending this stuff to people too. I saw the term pebbling. I think I don't know if that's an official term or whatnot, but I guess when penguins like give stuff to each other, it doesn't matter what the pebble is or size or whatnot, but giving to the other penguin like shows the other penguin that they're engaged and thinking of them, and things like that. So our modern day digital version of pebbling is you know, memes and videos and things like that. So I think that's awesome. Just fire them off, like. Maybe they think it's funny, maybe they don't, but either way I think there is that connection. Like they thought of me. This video is really weird. I don't know why they sent it to me, but at least they're thinking of me, so I think that's important.

Speaker 2: 30:16

In my family chat I laugh more at the gifts that I send than I think any of my family does. That's what I tell them. I'm like when you see this, you can at least know I was laughing hysterically as I sent it.

Speaker 1: 30:29

Well, that's awesome Good stuff. The next section we're going to move into is the strong relationships with your finances, so we'll get to hear a little bit more about the waffle. So that's fun. Again, I love stories, so could you share a personal story about when you took?

Speaker 2: 30:43

I'll tie it into how it kind of affected me when I was older, so when I was little, we went to a candy store and it was my parents, my siblings, some of my cousins and aunt and uncle that were in town and my parents had given us all like a certain amount of money that we were allowed to spend when we were in the candy. Like they handed us the cash and at this candy store store it wasn't. It was like maybe 10 cents for something or like it wasn't a very expensive, but it was like okay, here you have three dollars to spend. Like we each got the same amount of money. Well, I brought some money from my own piggy bank to have, so I like doubled the amount of money that my parents gave me. And so my parents made me get a last because they were like you're not just like you have more than anybody else to spend, so you can just go last. But I ended up, I think I spent less than what they gave me. But the deal was they gave us the money so we could keep it. So I ended up just keeping a little bit of the money because I was like this is all I want, so I'll just pocket the extra money, so that it's always just kind of been a how can I grow my money? Not necessarily like what can be ways to do it, and then I've always kind of had control of my money when I left.

Speaker 2: 32:09

So my dad's deal with us in our first car was that he would help pay a portion of it or he'd help us with our down payment. He would match our down payment. So he matched my down payment and then he helped with a certain portion of the payment. Well, when I left for college, I wrote my dad a check for the rest of my portion of it. I was like here I'm done paying it, here's my portion.

Speaker 2: 32:35

And it had like another projected two years and I was like, nope, here you go, dad, here's what's left for me to pay. So I like to have a plan of how I'm going to do it. I also don't borrow money from categories, so if one category has its money, I don't touch it. Money from categories so if one category has its money, I don't touch it. So how that was in 2019, which is part of where my jujitsu journey started, and it's kind of how that ties together. But I discovered on a Wednesday afternoon, three hours before I was getting on a plane to go with my brother out of town, that I had been overpaid for two and a half years and I had been overpaid a third of my salary for two and a half years and they wanted it all back and so within 48 hours at that time I was being paid twice a month and then once a month.

Speaker 2: 33:30

Just that was the way it worked. Within 24 hours, a third of my salary and what I had budgeted off of was gone, and I had just bought a house in April, put a little bit of money, a little bit more than I like to have put on a credit card, because it was like okay, I have plans for this money coming in, is going to pay this specifically Went 24 hours. That was gone, and so it went from. Okay, it's great to have it planned for, projected what's going to come, but now how that influences me is this is where the waffle happens of the wall. It's very strongly structured and I have not everything planned down to a range. Everything zeroes out in our budget, which drives my husband crazy. Sometimes he's like we have no money and it's at a zero. I'm like, yeah, because it's all doing its job, because it all has a purpose, but it's. Everything has a category. We have the funds that are the groceries and the eating out, so they're there to be spent. We have the emergency fund category. We have the gas money, we have the subscriptions, we have the gym membership, so every single thing has what its category is and it does not get borrowed.

Speaker 2: 34:53

Now I will borrow money for myself in my savings account, put a 20 interest on it, and the reason I do that is because it makes you go. It means you're not just gonna go. Okay, I'm just gonna borrow a hundred dollars, I'm just gonna borrow a hundred dollars, I'm just and then all of a sudden, all of of it's gone. It makes you go. Okay, I have to put 20% more back on that. Do I really want to borrow it? And so it makes you really think through the process of borrowing funds and making the funds be borrowed from yourself.

Speaker 2: 35:26

I hate borrowing money just because it's like then there's this lean held over your head of you owe money somewhere. I also do. I love using a credit card. I don't use debit cards, but that's because I just don't like debit cards. There's so much that can put you at vulnerable when you use your debit card of your money just becomes a whole lot more. If your debit card gets stolen, it's going to take a whole lot more and your money is on hold until you get it back, and so I prefer to use credit cards. But we do not use the credit card unless there's the money in the checking account to pay it.

Speaker 2: 36:07

So, we live on a very tight budget. We live paycheck to paycheck, but it's a paycheck ahead.

Speaker 2: 36:15

So, I like to be a paycheck ahead. I'd love to be further ahead. That's just not the reality of where life is. But it's that changing moment of when it was just all gone in 24 hours of like okay, I don't like that feeling. I don't like that feeling of I have more credit card debt than I wanted to have. No, granted, it wasn't that much, it was only like $2,000. But it was like. I don't like that feeling. I want it to be different. I want to be in control of how my funds are spent, why they're spent and where they're going.

Speaker 2: 36:50

And so, as I got married so that was the I live on an Excel spreadsheet. That's how my father functions with one, and I am the one that took after him on that. I like to see it all spread out that way. I like to have it in its formula. I like to have it.

Speaker 2: 37:07

And so the waffle came in because it needed to be simplified for people, because not everybody looks at an Excel spreadsheet and thinks that this is fun. Some people look at it and think this is overwhelming. And so in finances, it's figuring out what works for you. But it's that method of. My husband had a method of. He had two checking accounts One where he put all of his bills, so he put his money in for his bills, and then one where he spent out of weren't great for him. He didn't miss his bills, he had the money he needed, and so it's it's understanding that it that's how it helps is you have to have an understanding of your finances for it to be able to work for you in life. You're letting your money run you around and that's a really hard place to live in.

Speaker 1: 37:57

Yeah, that makes sense. It sounds very similar to the envelope method. You got every dollar. You need a budget. Give everything a job. Were there certain apps or anything that you took inspiration from? Or where did you learn some of like? Give the give the dollar a job? I?

Speaker 2: 38:14

don't like apps personally very much. I just I don't like connecting my things, which might be where the so my identity got stolen on my tax return when I was like 17 years old, and so I really hate connecting things. I'm just the less it's connected, the less likely it is it can get stolen. So that's why I think I like my Excel spreadsheets more, because it's not connected to anything, it's just me writing it out, me looking down and sitting with it. I sit down with it every other week, so I sit down with it based on our paychecks, sit down with it biweekly. Me and my husband sit down with it monthly. So like I basically give him the overview and then we talk about any needs that we have coming up.

Speaker 2: 39:01

So where I would have learned it from, from my dad and the way and my mom. My husband says I have a great mix of my parents and me and he he finds it hysterical when he sees them battling themselves Because my mom is very much the I'm not adding anything together, we're just going to do it. And my dad's like no, let's have a full plan and know how we're going to spend it. And so mine very much came from my environment growing up, of my parents and my parents being very open about how we were going to do things, how money was going to be spent, and then allowing us some autonomy of how we were going to manage some of our money.

Speaker 1: 39:39

What's one mindset shift that helped you approach money management more confidently and authentically?

Speaker 2: 39:46

I like to be in control of it. I don't want it to be in control of me.

Speaker 1: 39:50

Which goes back to the loss of money. Right when it's ripped away. You feel a lot better when you got the plan and then the job for every dollar. That's some good stuff. What do you think the first practical step is for someone looking to build a healthier relationship with their finances?

Speaker 2: 40:07

If you've never looked at your paycheck stub. Looking at your paycheck stub and understanding what you've got coming in and what you have that's pulled out before you even see your paycheck would be one place. But also, look at your spending habits. Open your credit card statement and where do you go spend money? I mean, I was my sister had me helping her do something the other week and I laughed with her and she laughed too. So no laughing at her. But I was like, do you go anywhere other than tea shops and places to eat? This literally is like 20 and then gas, Like there's 20 expenses and then gas and then 20 expenses and then gas. And it's like food, food, tea shop, tea shop, food, tea shop, so. But she knows that's where her money's going. So understanding where your money's going, I really think is the first step to understanding your relationship with money, because if you don't understand where you're spending it, you're not going to be able to build a relationship with your finances.

Speaker 1: 41:12

That's so funny. I saw something I think it was on TikTok. The guy was interviewing. He does like finance management helps people, and so he asked her like how much do you bring in? She's like I don't know. He's like before or after taxes, she's like I don't know. Okay, well, let's figure out how much you bring in. That would be a pretty good first start start, because he was asking her before or after taxes and she's like I don't know if it's this one or that one, or say, okay, well, that would probably be a good start. That's interesting.

Speaker 1: 41:42

I think it's really similar and it's something that's super important. Now I think the giving the dollar a job is super important. With debit card, credit cards, just digital payment in general, right, like you used to have to hand over the bill and you felt it leave and you know there was something tangible about it. Now the swipe and we now we're all the way down to the tap where it's only up there for a split second and then all the money is gone, and so I think giving the job is important because you don't feel it. It reminds me a lot of like my fitness pal.

Speaker 1: 42:14

I remember when I first started tracking the calories that I'd eat in a day and like, oh, I think I'm doing pretty good. And then you look down and you're like I've eaten like 3000 calories, Like what. What happened? Like I felt like I was doing pretty good, but I ate a few chips here and you know some pie here and you know it adds up, and so it's the same thing, like especially starbucks and things like that. It's like, oh, it's only five bucks, but it's like five dollars and there's two of you and you know the kid gets a cake pop and you know you do that a couple times. It's like that was a couple hundred dollars. Um, but if you don't give the job right, if you don't, and so that's it is.

Speaker 2: 42:51

If you choose to go to a coffee shop every day and spend the five to ten dollars, you, you're choosing to give that money that job, rather than just going and mindlessly doing it. So that can be one of your categories. Is going to a coffee shop is important to me, and so that's that money shop I mean for me working from home. Sometimes going to a coffee shop is important to me, and so that's that money's job I mean for me working from home. Sometimes going to a coffee shop is where I go work, and so you can't just go sit in a coffee shop and not get anything like that's just not OK.

Speaker 2: 43:24

So, getting something when you decided that that's what you're doing. That's helpful, and so I think that's what's important of giving it that job. But it very much is. Is we now very much?

Speaker 2: 43:37

And if you especially think about kids, they're not learning that that card might only have $15 on it because you're just swiping it and we can get credit limits that are not realistic credit limits for us to pay. But if you do have a higher credit limit, it's recommended to only use like 30% of your credit limit, and so it does actually help you in building, like, your credit score or paying it off, but you can't use it all. Like if you have a $30,000 limit and you use it all in a month, unless you're able to pay that off and turn around, you're going to set yourself up for paying instead of $5 for that coffee, you're going to pay $15 for the coffee because you're going to have late fees and interest, and so it's making sure that you understand I'm putting it on my credit card, but then I'm not also spending out of my checking account too.

Speaker 1: 44:32

Yeah, those interest rates are rough. They're not giving you 8, 9, 10. They're giving you 23 to 26. Some of those are pretty rough if you're going past the month. That's crazy. So we'll move into the final section, which is mindset for an authentic self and again, looking for a story. What's a specific moment or experience that challenged you to live more authentically and how did you navigate them?

Speaker 2: 44:54

I don't know that there's a specific moment other than I was kind of taught growing up to love who I was and then have relationships whether it be dating, friendships, whatever and so always just wanted to love and enjoy my own company and so, navigating that, I'm really learning what gives back to me. But I would say that I draw inspiration from my mom's mom. So my granny was about 80, maybe a little bit younger when my grandfather passed away about 80, maybe a little bit younger when my grandfather passed away, and she drew this line in the ground and decided that was her life with my grandpa. This was what her life was going to be now, and she wasn't doing it in a hurtful way, a negative way, it was just I loved my life with him, but he's now gone and so this is how I'm going to live without him. And she went, she downsized, she went all the way down to living in an apartment that she just loved her space. She learned how to paint she had never painted in her life and then she learned at like 80 years old how to paint, and they are some of my favorite. She doesn't love all of them and she didn't love all of them, but they're some of my favorite paintings.

Speaker 2: 46:13

And then she also just she. She was on the end of a building and she loved roses and so she planted. She asked if she could plant one rose bush and she planted like 15 rose bushes outside of her window and even today they're still planted and the stalks on the roses are like this big. But with her it was this whole thing of like. She loved who she was Like. She missed my grandpa. She would talk about my grandpa.

Speaker 2: 46:40

We wrote letters back and forth in college and she gave me stories of him and how they met and what she loved about him and even their struggles and what they struggled with. But she totally reinvented herself and took the things she loved about herself and move forward with them. And so that really made me look at my life and go, okay, she loves her creative side. She was creative, she poured porcelain, but when she could no longer do porcelain because her arthritis was so bad, she found other ways to be creative.

Speaker 2: 47:16

And so I think those would be my specific moments of really just watching my grandmother because I would have been six or seven when my grandfather passed away and so just watching her take that and reinvent herself and be sad for the loss but happy to still be alive and happy to still be a part of our lives, made me really look at okay, what do I love about myself, how do I love to be myself? Finding people that love that. If people don't love the things you love about yourself, they may need to move from the inner circle to an outer circle or even a further out circle. So it may just be that they don't need to be in your closest circle if they can't handle the authentic version of you, because it's said that the five people who are around the most are kind of those of what influence our whole being, and so if those five people don't, you don't love what you're becoming you might have to change who some of those five people are.

Speaker 1: 48:17

Hmm, yeah, I think the things that happened to you really solidify and, you know, really encourage some of those things that are already there. So I think growing up I've been pretty upbeat and pretty, you know, positive and things like that, but I lost my dad a few years ago and you know he was only 50. And so that really is like you know, reinforce, like live every day and take care of people and do all those things, because you're only here for, you know, a certain period of time and so it's interesting, sometimes you have it and I think you do have those things in there, and then you have certain events that are, you know, really solidify and really make those things concrete. The last question I have in this section is how do you stay true to your authentic self when faced with external pressures or expectations?

Speaker 2: 49:05

When they happen, one at a time. I can keep my patterns and routines. When they happened all at once, I found it a very hard place to be and so listening to the people around you also being open, that something needs to change, and so that's that's part of it being open that you went through an experience that's going to definitely affect who you are. So I mean you just you just said you went through the loss of your father. Well, that's going to definitely affect you, can't just turn around and you're not going to be the same person moving forward. And so it's acknowledging with these outward things. I mean it was when I went through my financial, losing a paycheck overnight. It wasn't just all of a sudden. Now I stayed in that job. I worked in that job another two years because I loved my job.

Speaker 2: 49:59

But that's where jiu-jitsu came in place of okay, I need to put some boundaries on how I'm working, because I really don't need to just work my life away. And so what's going to help me leave my office? Well, having a class that if I'm late to I get in trouble, that helped me because I was an athlete growing up, so having to be at a practice at a specific time made me walk out of my office at a specific time, otherwise I was late. So it's finding what's going to help you. Do you need the organized athletic environment or can you go run Because I can't go run but I can go to that organized athletic event? Or can you go run because I can't go run but I can go to that organized athletic event? Might take the same amount of time, but you're not gonna find me running, but you can find me on a jiu-jitsu mat for a few hours.

Speaker 2: 50:44

So it's finding what helps you when you are under a pressure and it's having a support system. We we need people. You have to have some people, and it may be different for everybody. It may be a friend, for somebody it may be family. Not all families are created equal and not all families are there to support you in the same way. So it may be a friend group that's there to support you, like what our family groups should do, but our families aren't necessarily always equipped for it either. So it's finding people in your life that are going to help support you in not negative ways, but in positive ways.

Speaker 1: 51:24

That makes sense. So we're going to wrap it all up. What's the one key takeaway you hope listeners gain from this conversation about building stronger relationships across the board?

Speaker 2: 51:36

I really believe that it is important to, across the board, be okay to reinvent what you think it looks like and be okay to find yourself. And it may be one thing in one stage in life and it may transition as you transition into a different stage in life.

Speaker 1: 51:55

Try something new. It's scary, but it usually pays off Well. Becca, thank you for coming out. I want to ask for feedback from everyone out there. Your feedback makes this podcast even better. Drop your thoughts or questions on Buzzsprout, facebook, instagram, tiktok or YouTube and thank you for being a part of the Mindforce journey. I love you all. See ya, thank you.