Discovering Self-Love Through a Rare Disease w/ Allie Jones

Allie’s difficult yet inspiring journey navigating her diagnosis of Fanconi Anemia (FA) illuminates the power of resilience. Reflecting on self-love and acceptance, she shares how her experience shaped her life and led her to become a doula.

• A deeper understanding of Fanconi anemia and its implications 
• The transformative power of self-love and acceptance 
• Writing as a tool for reflection and discovery 
• The importance of community support in healing 
• Allie's journey to becoming a birth and death doula 
• Building a business amid challenges and uncertainties 
• Insights into finding joy despite adversity 
• The balance between fear and living fully 
• Key takeaways on resilience and embracing one's journey 

https://mindforcepodcast.buzzsprout.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and overview of the podcast
• 3:32 Allie's experience with Fanconi anemia
• 10:42 The importance of self
• 16:57 A pivotal moment: The significance of writing
• 24:12 Building a business as a birth and death doula
• 30:27 Overcoming challenges in entrepreneurship
• 37:17 The role of community and support groups
• 42:37 Mindset shifts and finding joy
• 50:52 Key takeaways and final thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:59

Hi everyone, I'm Nate Shearer and this is Mindforce, the podcast for love, life and learning. We'll be talking about her personal story of the rare disease Benconi anemia, the growth of her soul and overcoming adversity and building her own business out of it. So we're going to start with the easy thing, the warm-up. The who, what, why and where. Who are you? What do you do, why are you here and where in the world are you? That's a lot of questions.

Speaker 2: 1:31

Thanks, Nate. You here and where in the world are you? That's a lot of questions. Thanks, Nate. My name is Allie and I am a birth doula and a death doula for my business, Soul Companion Services. I live in Des Moines, Iowa, and I'm here today to kind of share a little bit more about myself and my business and what really led me here through the adversities of my rare disease, Fanconi anemia.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Perfect. Okay, we'll start with a couple fun questions. Get us going, get the juices flowing. What's one unexpected lesson in your journey with Fanconi anemia has taught you about life?

Speaker 2: 2:15

An unexpected lesson would be definitely self-love, I think when you're going through something almost incomprehensible for at the time of my diagnosis a four-year-old's mind A lot of things just shift and perceive and look and operate differently than other kids your own age. So it required a lot of self-love and not just a one-time application of that. It's been a repetitive wash over of self-love for decades of my life. So that is a very unexpected lesson that self-love is very important and no matter if you have a lifelong disease or not.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Absolutely. That's a big concept for a little kid. I remember I got my tonsils out when I was three, I think three or four. You're going in, you're getting surgery and you have no idea what's really going on. I don't even remember other than the mini, mini popsicles I ate. That's about all I remember because that's all I could do. But yeah, it's a big concept for some of these things. You're going to the hospital as such a small kid. So for anyone that's not familiar, how can you explain Fanconi anemia pretty quickly?

Speaker 2: 3:36

It's a rare genetic disorder, so both parents have to carry the tree in order to give it to their child. One out of four of their kids can have Fanconi anemia. One out of four can carry the gene. One can carry a partial of the gene and one will not carry the gene at all. So, yeah, it's just basically using, at the time, bone marrow transplants, chemo, radiation to basically have the Fanconi anemia be suppressed, because what ultimately happens is your white blood cells start to drop significantly and so your body doesn't know how to heal. Anything Like I would easily get a bruise, if you just like tapped me on the shoulder, bloody noses anemia. So I think that's the most simple way in explaining it. You kind of treat it like cancer, but you will always have fibromyalgia anemia. So I had my bone marrow transplant, I had two of them, I had full body radiation and chemotherapy and my blood counts went back up to normal, but I will always have fibromyalgia anemia.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Oh, okay, so kind of laying dormant, but always there. Okay, that makes sense. Easy explanation of that, of something that's very complicated and, like I always like to say, practicing medicine. There's just so many different things out there. People are just trying to keep their eye on it and things like that.

Speaker 2: 5:03

I would say the chapter that I'm currently in, right now, is owning my power.

Speaker 1: 5:13

That's a good one.

Speaker 2: 5:15

I feel like those are the two biggest things that humans struggle to equal out. You know, sometimes if you're way too emotional, you're not allowing certain logic to enter your mind to help create that equilibrium. And I think the same thing for a logical person. I think it's great to be a logical person, but if you're not harnessing and aware of your own emotions and orchestrating them at appropriate times or addressing them at appropriate times, I think it can make for difficult growth, just as equally as an emotional and unbalanced person. And then safe space is more about just creating a safe space within yourself to mentally go through adversities in life.

Speaker 1: 5:58

Good stuff. I like the balance between the two because I think there's, you know, a lot of times in life. You need balance. I think we want to do like one thing or another, but it doesn't seem like that works very much in life. I think you need the creative to match the logic, to match whatever I know like.

Speaker 1: 6:15

When I started the show, I was really nervous about working on creativeness because I don't feel like that's my strong suit.

Speaker 1: 6:21

My wife loves to craft and make stuff for the kids' teachers and shirts and hats, and you know she's made everything. It feels like cups and cricket stuff all the time and I'm like, oh, that's not really my thing. I do spreadsheets and whatnot, but it's really interesting because I really loved the creative aspect of sitting down, thinking of the guests coming up with questions and really using the more creative side and having fun with how I edit and things like that. And so it's interesting because I was like, oh, that's going to be the nerve wracking part and it's actually, I think, the most fun because I feel like I use more of the logical brain at work and then I get to switch over and then use the other one when the other brain is tired and I get to switch off a little bit, so sometimes you don't know what's going to be more fun for you. And the last part for your theme is building this business. So what's the most surprising thing you've learned while building this business?

Speaker 2: 7:13

I am so much more capable than I thought I was. I think I've always saw myself in a leadership role, and I did try to kind of push my way into a leadership role, but that's something I learned about myself is I became humbled very quickly, and I think that's so important. Now, though, like I pray I'm a faith believer. I pray to God every day all the time when I'm moving through this business journey that please keep me humble. Like you know, it really keeps you grounded and it keeps you connected with your community. It doesn't remove you at all from the mission and the journey. You know. It helps you keep the site in mind, and so I learned that I'm much more capable than I thought I was, and I love being humble.

Speaker 1: 8:06

That's good stuff. You said you were humbled real quick. Can you give us a quick rundown of something that maybe didn't go very smooth in the beginning?

Speaker 2: 8:15

I am almost 34 years old and I have had about 30 jobs. I don't know if that kind of sums it up.

Speaker 1: 8:25

Yeah, that's quite a few.

Speaker 2: 8:26

Yeah, I just it's very easy for me to see the problem and know very quickly how to fix it and what we need to do to get there, and I don't have patience, and so maybe there's where that humble came in.

Speaker 2: 8:40

I just got into a job and I could see where they were slacking and I would make advice and be like, hey, if we just did this, we would be cutting like 10 years of waste out of this whole business, and I you know it's very obvious that nobody in management or higher levels wants to hear that from someone who's just starting out in a job, and so I think that's what humbled me is like I can't keep these jobs. Why can't I keep these jobs? And it's just because I I wanted to lead and direct and just kind of get there without wasting all this time. I don't like to waste time, but with this job and being humble, I'm learning so much about divine timing and flow and letting go and trusting, and my faith has grown too. I've had a lot more conversations with God than I used to.

Speaker 1: 9:34

So, yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah, across the board, a lot of good stuff there. So, yeah, I think that we're always, you know, more capable than we believe. We always have the inner person telling us what's going on and, for some reason, the inner monologue is always negative. I wish our inner monologue was a little bit more positive, and that's something I think that we could all probably work on a little bit. Before we jump into the meat of the three themes, I wanted to see if you had a question for me, so they're not all directed at you yeah, um, so I love that you um still currently in the air force, correct?

Speaker 2: 10:09

em yeah, active duty yeah, my little brother went through the Air Force and he works at SpaceX now, so I was very curious what made you want to go into the Air Force? I did listen to your pilot video on your YouTube channel, so I did learn a little bit about you, and what I noticed too in some of your other podcasts is that you don't get to share much of your life when you're interviewing the other person. But I loved listening to you and your story, and I even listened to the podcast where you interviewed your mother about grief, and that was released the day before my birthday too. So I just absolutely love listening to you and your story. I think you're an amazing person. So what made you go into the Air Force was like one out of the only like 100 questions that I decided to go with.

Speaker 1: 11:01

Okay, yeah, it's kind of funny. It's ironic how you know the Lord has plans for you and you don't know what they are, because my dad growing up was in the Air Force and I swore I'd never join. I saw him like polish his boots and put on his uniform and you know, every morning I'm like I'm not doing that. That's not for me. I don't want to work out, I don't want to have rules and you know all those silly things when you're a kid and you think you understand what's going on in the world and you completely don't. So I did that for the longest time, like saying I wouldn't.

Speaker 1: 11:30

I went off to University of North Dakota to become a pilot because I wanted to be a pilot my whole entire life. My mom has this book where it shows like pictures She'd slide in that little wallet we used to get in school and it would ask like who your three friends were, what's your favorite food and what you want to be. Every single year I was wanted to be a pilot, except for one. I said dog catcher. I don't. I don't know what the dog catcher thing was it must've been a cart or something but every year I wanted to be a pilot. So I tried to do that. I unfortunately kind of ran out of money, made some poor choices at school, you know, majored in the wrong thing, spent a little too much time partying and things like that, so I ended up running out of money. And then I kind of went through a few different things and sold cars at Honda for a month. I did adult swim lessons.

Speaker 1: 12:14

I was the webmaster for the school, like cleaning up photos and doing some stuff basic HTML stuff not nearly a good programmer, but some basic stuff and I just didn't feel like I was going anywhere and so I was like what do I do? I need to do something. And so I walked in and tried to talk to a recruiter and recruiter was like, well, we can't guarantee any jobs. It's like, no, I want a specific job, I want air traffic control. So I wanted the other side of the radio, so I was already flying.

Speaker 1: 12:39

I was like I want to stay in the aviation world, so let me cross over and do that. And so the first one told me no and I was like I don't really don't really like that answer. So I found another one that was 45 minute drive or something from from Portland, so down in Oregon city I think it was, and so I had to go down there, found the recruiter. He gave me the guaranteed, so let me sign for that. So I came in guaranteed air traffic did that for five years. Sleep schedule and some other things caused some problems for me so I was only sleeping like four hours a night. It got pretty rough because we used to do two days, two mid or two days, two swings, two.

Speaker 2: 13:12

Pretty rough because we used to do two days, two swings, two mid and then two off. So the schedule is a little rough.

Speaker 1: 13:15

So I transitioned out of that into contracting, which is another ironic thing, because my dad was contracting and I used to poke fun at him that he just sat at a desk and just did paperwork. Because when you're a kid when you tell your friends your dad's in the Air Force, everyone says, oh, does he fly jets? I'm like no, he signs paperwork. It's not quite as cool and so I used to poke fun a little bit. And then, funny, I go up and sign for you know a few new jobs to cross over and I get the exact one. So I call him and, of course, like he's laughing on the other side of the phone. So the Lord is pretty hilarious in his irony and bringing it all the way back.

Speaker 1: 13:55

So I did that for three years, enjoyed it. I wanted a little bit more of a challenge, so I crossed over from enlisted to officer and became a medical service corps officer. So now I'm run the backside of the clinic. I love helping people, taking care of people. I unfortunately pass out at blood and needles so I don't work the front of the house because I would hit the deck. So I do insurance and pharmacy and logistics and readiness and all these things that are administrative, so healthcare administrator or healthcare admin, anything that's not touching a patient. Pretty much I do in the backside of the house, and so that's my long winded thing on how I ended up here and where I'm at.

Speaker 2: 14:32

Thank you so much for sharing. I think it's very important to hear the interviewers synopsis life focus, because you know it's one thing to hear a little bit about me, but I just really think that was valued. So thank you.

Speaker 1: 14:48

Yeah, absolutely. I just find it funny. There's so many people like chief master, sergeant of the air force and all these different people you'll hear like oh, you know, why'd you join or how long were you going to stay? And time and time again you'll hear people I'm doing for and leaving, and then they're there like 26 years later. And so I think once you get in and you find that sense of purpose and I know there's like some things that aren't great and so you'll see complaints and whatnot, but a lot of them, I feel like, are the same. On the outside they're like ah, I don't want rules or a boss or this, or I'm like pretty much everywhere you got a boss and some form of dress code and you have some form of rule Like you can't walk into McDonald's and just go wild either, so so it's a little weird to me.

Speaker 1: 15:28

I think there's a lot of good benefits, a lot of discounts. You know we get VA like home loans and lots of different things. I think the Air Force has taken really good care of me. So it's been good 16 years. We'll have to see how long we stay the family's kind of on an agreement. We kind of see how the next assignment's coming up. If everyone's happy and everyone's still feeling good, we take the next one. We'll just kind of take each assignment so out here in the UK for three years right now, or two and a half more, and we'll see where we go from there. So we were in Florida a year before that and Japan before that, so it's been a wild road.

Speaker 2: 15:59

I like that you use the family unit to all the side, like is it working for all of us, like that's so important when you're in the military. That's very healthy.

Speaker 1: 16:08

Absolutely Okay. Well, we'll jump into the three main themes, First one being personal story of the rare disease. So can you share a moment? You first learned about your diagnosis so you said you were four and how did that kind of shape things?

Speaker 2: 16:21

I mean, you're little, but so I had just started dance class at three years old and my older brother, who is three years older than me he's in the Marines he had pneumonia at six years old Yep, six or seven and my mom was a nurse and I was coughing a little bit and she's really good friends with the doctor and she's, just like I, always been coughing. Will you just take her down for a blood draw, like just to make sure she doesn't have like bronchitis or something, because her son's already sick? And he comes back and said good news is she does have bronchitis, but her blood counts are super low. She needs to be at the university right now. And so that's kind of how we learned about what was going on and how it shaped me is I went from kind of you know, careless and childlike and innocent just in the moment, to very cynical, and I remained cynical until just about two years ago, Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 17:21

So for decades I was very angry and hurt and upset because it's lifelong, it doesn't go away and it's not like breast cancer. This is how we treat it and you know, it's very unique to the person with FA because at the time of my diagnosis they didn't know that there were different kinds of genes of it. There's like 23 different kind of honey anemia genes now, and so everything was trial and error and there were a lot of complications with that, like people nowadays spend about one, maybe three months in the hospital to get their treatment, where I was in for six months. So it definitely shaped me in a cynical way that I felt like this is the train I'm on and I'm never gonna get to get off of it, even in my adult life.

Speaker 1: 18:18

So you said that you had. You know you're cynical and struggled with that for many years, and so one thing I'm really interested in on the show is that transition point. So you're doing it for all that all that time and it's kind of built up what was the aha Like what? Because you could have kept going Right. So how did you, you know, after 30 some odd years, make that transition?

Speaker 2: 18:43

A simple answer. Writing started it for me, but it wasn't for me. It was not uh-huh, um. For me it was just being more curious about where the heck do I find joy and like can I just squeeze like the smallest amount of that out? Because I think for a long time I was just looking for that, that one and done. You know just, I'm happy. Now Everything's good, like I'll never have to be cynical, ever again. But when I got into writing I discovered so many things about myself and over time that snowballed into. This is the direction I can keep going in, now that I know all of these things and I know what I need to be paying more attention to.

Speaker 1: 19:34

I think that's a good reminder of there's like ups and downs. I think that we want everything to be good or everything to be bad. You know all these different things. There's going to be ups and downs good days, bad days and so I think we always got to remember that this is going to change, no matter what it is. If it's like the peak of all high, you know it's going to change, and if it's the lowest of lows, it's going to change too. So not that it makes it easier, necessarily. It's still difficult, but at least knowing that things are going to change because they're constantly changing. The next question I had for you what are some of the biggest challenges you face with FA and how have you overcome them?

Speaker 2: 20:15

Acceptance, and not just acceptance but embracing whatever. It is that I need to accept because you can accept something like yep, this is my life, whatever. But if you're to accept because you can accept something like yep, this is my life, whatever. But if you're embracing it, you're welcoming it and you're owning it, you're addressing it, you're loving it and and you're moving on from the things that you should be moving on from. So I needed to accept that this is my life and these. This is things that I'm going to have to always face, but I also need to embrace all of these things here and now and in the future, so that I could always stay grounded and in self-love and joyous, no matter what is happening, good or bad.

Speaker 1: 20:58

It makes sense. Do you have any daily things? Is it a restricted by diet, or do you have anything that kind of shows up, or is it just at certain times it shows up? The acceptance and the embracing part no, I mean like, are you restricted in diet? You said that it's like always dormant and always there. Are there things like you stay away from, or the impact you every day, or is it just kind of looming in the background?

Speaker 2: 21:23

So, that is, I think, what kept me cynical for so long, because it's everything. I am five to eight hundred times more likely to get any type of cancer than the average person. So skin cancer, lung cancer, throat cancer, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, colon cancer, you name it I'm five to 800 times more likely to get it than the average person. So every single day, every single moment, every little tiny change is like what's that? And so if you live in that mindset like what's that, what's that, what's that, you become paranoid, you're going to freak out with every little thing.

Speaker 2: 22:02

So I think people with FA they're always trying to find a balance of where can I remain sane with everything that I have to think about and go through every day? And so if you just want to kind of like live as normal as possible, go to your you know six month appointments, your annual appointments. You get your checkups, you make sure everything is going okay. But in between that you really do need to just enjoy life as much as possible. And I think if you're restricting yourself and that brings unhappiness, then you know you're not living life fully.

Speaker 2: 22:41

And no, I don't agree with unhealthy habits or decision makings, but those people that I know who have walked down that path. They passed away doing what they enjoy doing. So I think that's another part of it is live fully in your happiness, whatever that is, but do be mindful that you're either harming yourself or harming others in the process. So find your balance. What makes you happy? What at the end of the day, when you're either harming yourself or harming others in the process? So find your balance. What makes you happy? What, at the end of the day, when you're on your deathbed, can you say I'm proud and happy of the way I live my life, no matter what that looked like?

Speaker 1: 23:17

Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like I've had a few different episodes where that's come up is life's too short. I think losing my dad is really like reinforce that. But I find it funny because, back to the balance thing, I think that everything is about balance. Like I don't think you should go YOLO and throw all your money out the window and go crazy, like you still have to, you know, have some form of balance. But at the same time, if it's down to a decision that doesn't really matter too much and you're like we better not we don't have time or we don't have this, like no, just just do it. I mean, you don't know if you're going to have another day, or we never really know if we're going to get hit by a bus or whatnot. And that's one thing that's just really crazy to me.

Speaker 1: 23:55

I was going to touch on it earlier, but I kind of got living your life, you're three, four and all of a sudden you have this diagnosis and like medical conditions are just kind of wild to me because you don't really know what's going on. He was living his life, he's 50. You know, things are going fine. He rides his bike, he's active, he's healthy, and then he, you know, has a cough. A cough goes for a week, two weeks I think, it was like close to a month, and then he goes in, his lymph nodes are swolled up and then he's got stage four cancer and it's a mastetized right word to the different parts of his body, brain and whatnot off his lungs. It's like how could you be like, walking around relatively healthy I mean, a cough isn't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, being able to still go to work and do everything. So I feel like at any given time, you know you could potentially get diagnosed or have something.

Speaker 1: 24:49

So there should be some level of of enjoy yourself, enjoy your life. Don't go crazy and like make poor financial decisions or something like that, but lean towards, you know, enjoying your life. You don't know, we never do Like. I wish we would have taken one last trip, had some fun, went to the coliseum, leaning tower of pisa, you know, saw gladiators fight or something. For some reason I'm only mentioning things in europe. But yeah, just live your life right. The last question in this section is how is your experience with this rare disease inspired or shaped the way you connect with others? Are you in FA support groups?

Speaker 2: 25:26

Yeah, so there is something called the FA adult group, and that's very significant because when I was diagnosed, there was no longevity there. They weren't really finding out that people had FA until they were 13, 14, 20s, and so by then their white blood counts were so low that their body wasn't even strong enough to take on the chemo, radiation and bone marrow transplants. So when I was diagnosed, you know my mom's asking all these questions and they don't even have the data or research at that point. It's like we don't know how long she'll live or if she will live. And now they are getting people to live into adulthood. We're still not living very long. We're still dying around the age of 50 or 60. So there's that. You know.

Speaker 2: 26:26

Additional, not only do you have FA, not only are you 500, 800 times more likely to have any type of cancer. You might not stay 65 years old. So it's just like I think, because of all those layers, you need to be able to take a step back and, like you're saying, enjoy the moment, but don't go too far. But that is ultimately what shifts a lot of things in your mind when it comes to where do I fall in line? How do I stay grounded community and I absolutely love community, and so it wasn't until I was in my mid-20s that I got on Facebook after not having Facebook for six years, and I just came across a FA adult group and I said what's that? So I started talking and getting to know people and I found out that they hold a yearly retreat for FA adults where we all get to be flown in to a location each year and we have this meeting where FA adults come together with their families too, if they want to bring their families, and they have different events going on for us to learn about what they're doing in the FA medical research field. So they have the FA adult meeting and at the same time they have a scientific symposium where all the doctors, researchers and scientists come together. So it's usually held in a hotel and all the FA adults are in this ballroom over here doing FA adult stuff and then in the ballroom next door there's the scientific symposium going on and you can jump back and forth. You don't have to attend any of the groups.

Speaker 2: 28:05

So, like it's amazing because you get to talk to other adults who know exactly how you feel, because for so long and to a point is still kind of is a very rare disease and there was only 600 people diagnosed when I was diagnosed and 19 survivors like it was not a good outcome. So for a very long time, while I'm in words, that I'm cynical and I'm angry with this thing that I think I'm only enduring, it's not until my adult life that I'm like, oh my God, there's this whole group and I could be a part of it, and so with every adult meeting there's somewhere between 30 and 60 of us, which is still a very small number. Like if you think let's get everyone who's had breast cancer in a room, that number is going to. You know you're not going to have room.

Speaker 2: 28:54

But when there's 50 to 60 adults who say I have FA, I struggle. And these are the ways I struggle and I like how you mentioned your dad being diagnosed in a series, because that is another aspect that we deal with with FA. We're not all diagnosed at birth or when we're young. Sometimes we live a long life and we get married and we have kids and then all of a sudden we have, you know, this thing to battle with and we're dragging our families through it too. So that's a really long winded answer to your where's your sense of community question, but that's how I connect with community now as an adult.

Speaker 1: 29:31

Yeah, that's awesome. I think that's perfect because it's interesting to me with the Internet. The Internet is a very cruel place, but there is some good that comes out of it and so it's always good to see when that comes through. I started a Facebook page for, like my career field. I was like why don't we have one? People can ask questions Things are struggling with? And I was like, oh, it'll have like 10 people. Then it grows and grows and now it's like at 1.1 to 1,100 people in it now and it's just so awesome to see on there.

Speaker 1: 30:01

Someone just asks a simple question they're struggling with, you know at work, and then like five people jump in like this is how we do it, and then they send off the spreadsheet, the PowerPoint slides or whatever it is and it's solved and over with. I'm like it's so awesome when it comes together. It's good because there's so much like being mean to each other and bullying and things like that. Like social media can be good and do some awesome things. It just sometimes there's some some negative out there. The next part we have is soul growth. Question is what does soul growth mean to you and how has it become a central part of your life?

Speaker 2: 30:36

That's a very big question.

Speaker 2: 30:37

I absolutely love the questions you ask because the questions you ask, because the questions you ask are what I do on a daily basis. So what soul growth means to me is trying and failing and failing, over and over and over and forever and ever, until you die. You get one magnificent soul trapped human experience on this planet, you know. So I think we should not overthink it. We need to learn from ourselves and we need to move on from that. And so soul growth is that, in a sense, and always inwardly, asking yourself these questions and always differentiating from ego to consciousness. You know, consciousness, you're just absorbing and discarding what needs to be discarded.

Speaker 2: 31:26

But your ego is that one who is trying to break down everything and be a critic, in a way, and say like you know, why do you think that way and why are you doing that? And for a long time I didn't question any of that, I just absorbed and I didn't discard or question anything. And so soul growth is coming to a place where you stop and you say why am I thinking that way? Where did I learn that? Who did I learn that through? Why did I take that on as mine? So that's that soul growth is really questioning those things that come in and deciding for yourself what it means to you and how you want to place that within.

Speaker 1: 32:08

Awesome, so I love stories. I think that's the best way we learn passing information down, so can you share a pivotal moment or experience that significantly contributed to your personal or spiritual growth growth, launching my business.

Speaker 2: 32:29

I had done a lot of journaling, self-reflecting and meditation for the last 10 years. I think the biggest breakthrough was a 10-day silent retreat that really shifted a lot of things in my mind. To not be able to talk, write, speak, make eye contact with anybody in the retreat, like you always had to look down at the ground, and I meditated for 11 hours a day. And that silence and that inwardness allowed me to have a very big pivotal moment as well, where I decided like, okay, you know, I've done a lot of journaling, a lot of reflection, a lot of inward work, and this silent retreat was like the finale for me. That really opened that gateway for me to saying I want to keep walking in this direction.

Speaker 2: 33:21

And launching my business was that pivotal moment where I'm like, okay, this is what it's supposed to look like and feel like, and this is, this is now I know how it's supposed to unfold within myself, not just in a real, like logical, basic, business-like way, like I know how it's supposed to, where it's supposed to stem from. And so it's a lot of releasing fear, you know, because fear doesn't allow you to live fully. You have to embrace the potentials of failure. And so when I was able to do that, I thought, okay, like I'm going to launch this business but I could definitely flop in. You know they say it takes three years to take a business into success. So I, you know I had to embrace my business could fail within that three year span. And once I accepted and embraced that, I was able to step fully into my authentic power of servicing others through being a birth doula and a death doula crazy when it all comes together and it just makes sense.

Speaker 1: 34:27

I remember, like I was mentioning, I'm on my third job in the Air Force and you know, the first one's okay but sleeps all over the place. Second one's like fine, but I don't feel challenged. And then I get the third one where I get to help people and, and you know, I just remember the first day I shadowed, I got to go over and see what they did and it's just crazy how everything lines up, because that day I was like this is the thing I need to do, like there wasn't. There was just pure clarity. You have to apply for it. I go in.

Speaker 1: 34:53

Normally you get two shots, but the way it was set up for me, how much time I had in service, I only had one and only shot and I was like this needs to happen. And you know, blessed enough, it all worked out. But it's just so great where, like this is a thing, you're happy to get up out of bed and take care of people and you don't know what you're missing until you're there, cause the other two jobs they were like fine, I went to work and things were good you know, there was nothing wrong with either of them, cause we'd be like, oh's so good. But I wanted to ask you went to the retreat and that was your pivotal moment. How do you integrate some of those lessons from that pivotal moment into your daily life?

Speaker 2: 35:35

I don't leave my inner world. I'm human and I'm getting up and I'm going to work and I'm doing things, and I'm going to the grocery store and I'm getting gas, but I am in here all the time. I can't leave that place because if I leave that place then I'm not authentic, I'm not true to myself. Leave that place, then I'm not authentic, I'm not true to myself, and I began to lose that grounded place. It's like a relationship to me.

Speaker 2: 36:08

If I start to astray from myself on the outside, then you know, I don't know what it is that I'm thinking. I don't know what it is that I'm feeling so like, even like getting gas, like, oh, it's cold, okay, I'm feeling so like, even like getting gas, like, oh, it's cold, okay, I'm feeling the cold air. You know how does that make me feel? It makes me feel good. Why does it make me feel good? Because I'm so blessed to be able to drive a car and stand and feel the weather and I'm not sick in a hospital. It's me a moment to be with myself but like remind myself of who I want to be in every single moment.

Speaker 1: 36:42

Yeah, that's amazing. I saw something the other day where just perspective is so important. They were talking about the person I think it was a mom taking care of her kids and she was like I switched how I looked at things. I was saying I have to get you cereal, I have to clean the house, I have to pick up toys, I have to. And then she switched it to I get to.

Speaker 1: 37:04

Like some people have wanted kids and can't have kids and have, you know, had babies that didn't make it and, you know, lost kids along the way. They would love to pick up the toys, love to make that extra meal, love to make the grilled cheese and the chicken nuggets and pick up the ketchup. That's all over the place, so crazy that you know just one word, I mean. And we say, oh, just one word. But I'm a strong believer that words are powerful.

Speaker 1: 37:28

Get to and have to are wildly different. Like I get to do that, I get to deliver and take care of you, and so sometimes you are tired, you're stressed, you're drained and they're asking you the hundredth question for the day. But try to just reframe it. Like you, you're in the cold. I like this. This is good. Let me answer that question. Let me take care of the kids and keep pushing knowledge out to them, but just perspective is so powerful. You just pause for a second Now. Not that I do it all the time, definitely nowhere near perfect, but yeah, just try to switch a little bit. That is some good stuff. So we'll move into the overcoming adversity and building the business. So I'm curious what was the turning point for building the business? Were you like me and just didn't feel like you were going, or what was the thing that was like I got to get this going?

Speaker 2: 38:17

Very good question got to get this going. Very good question, I would say. I felt like I ran out of ideas. I had over 30 jobs and I applied myself the best that I could into the real world, the nine to five. I did my best to show up and, no, I was not perfect at it, but I thought I gave it my all. And so I was exhausted and I was lost and I just thought, well, I need to do something, I need a purpose. I can't just do nothing at all.

Speaker 2: 38:51

And I was doing some self-reflection and I love that you just talked about this. So I can't have kids, and I would love to be picking that ketchup off the floor and answering that one question real quick when I'm in the middle of a thousand things. And so I started to kind of reflect around that and I remembered there was this moment my sister, when she was nine years old and I was 18, she was kind of starting to understand some stuff and she knew that I couldn't have kids. And one day, out of the blue, she comes up to me and I'll just never forget the moment and she goes Allie, one day when I'm older I'll be your surrogate and I'm like, okay, first of all, you're nine, go be nine please when you're an adult. Maybe we would talk about something like that, because I knew at being 18, like everybody can change their mind tomorrow. Like, well, you know, don't be saying stuff, you know, just go go live your life. But like, for whatever reason, that thought came into my mind the moment I was trying to decide like what am I? What the heck am I gonna do with my life? And I remember that moment thinking, oh, my god, someday she, someday she is going to have kids and I want to be there for her and I want to support her and I want to be able to say, like you know, I didn't go through it, but I know exactly where you're at in your head in this process and I can support you in these ways and be something to look up to versus nothing at all.

Speaker 2: 40:16

And so that kind of steered me in the direction with, like, well, birth doula, you know I can support women, I can do that. Like I have been through so much medically. I do not need to birth out a child to know what it feels like to be going through extreme medical procedures awake because you're too small to be put under anesthesia. I don't need a birthing experience to know pain and trauma I don't and so I felt very confident, very quickly, that I could do that. That's something I can do and feel confident with, and I just know that I could hold a woman in that space during that time.

Speaker 2: 40:58

And then, as I'm online looking up birth doula schools and finally making these decisions, I don't know why or how the universe does what it does. God does what it does and a little ad pops up on the side of my computer and I blurped it because I had been researching doula stuff. You know everything, doula stuff. You know everything. Doula was popping up naturally on my computer, but I had to look twice because it said death doula and I went wait a minute, what? And it just.

Speaker 2: 41:28

It was the aha moment for me. I went my god, birth doula and death doula, both sides of the world. That I can completely understand, because it's not about you have to go through birth to understand birth. It's not you have to die. Completely understand, because it's not about you have to go through birth to understand birth. It's not you have to die to understand what it's like to, you know, go through that experience, but it's the compassion, it's the holding space for others. It's showing up, it's being that grounded light that people need during these moments. I can do that. So that, for me, was that pivotal moment of I know what I want to do and this is what I'm doing, and this is how I came to it.

Speaker 1: 42:07

Dang, it all come together and you knew that was the thing. Dang, that sounds like my story. You know you have that feeling, you have that complete peace and it all makes sense. So I wanted to ask you, what advice would you give someone facing adversity who dreams of building something meaningful, someone that's looking to build a business?

Speaker 2: 42:27

Fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, keep trying and keep failing, and failure leads to the right place in the right direction. So try. It's so simple, because if you're not trying, then you're giving up on yourself or you're listening to the self-doubt. And by trying and getting up and saying this is hard, but I'm going to do it, and just pushing through it, you'll always get to the place you want to go.

Speaker 1: 42:54

I've mentioned on the show a couple of times. I hate to be redundant, but it's just one of my favorites. I always think of UD40. It was the 40th recipe. 39 of those sucked. They weren't good. They tried 39 different times, it wasn't good. And now everyone in like the world has a bottle of that blue and yellow lubricant for joints and cleaning and everything else. So UD40, if they would have stopped at 38 or 39, we wouldn't have it. Whoever made that is crazy rich. So try, you know, 40 times. Who knows, it might be the 40th that gets you there.

Speaker 2: 43:28

I haven't heard that one. I heard Einstein tried over 300 and something times before he figured out. You know his energy equation.

Speaker 1: 43:42

Yeah, you just got to keep trying. You don't know, Sometimes he might even be gone. I know, like Vince Avengo, I think he was gone and at the time of his passing he'd only made like $400 or something on art and then it took off like crazy after he left. So sometimes it's just the legacy. Maybe you'll never see it. The last question in this section I wanted to ask you can you share a story of a time where your resilience was tested while running the business, or has it always been easy?

Speaker 2: 44:12

Well, I'm a year into it and so maybe there will be another time that I actually will be tested a little bit more. But I think building the business in itself was being tested every single day because I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't tell anybody that I was building a business. I told my like my closest, closest, closest friends who were like helping me design my website, in a way like just not actually designing it but giving me feedback, like I would ask them like, oh, does this look good? Does this look good? But I was doing all the legwork and that, to me, was always testing my resilience.

Speaker 2: 44:51

Every day I woke up. I mean I woke up at three o'clock in the morning and I worked until nine on my business, and then from nine 11, I would go to the library and finish out anything that I had been working on all morning, because that's when the library opened was at nine, so I couldn't do anything until then. And then from 11 until four, I was going to my part time job. And so it was resilience and holding this life of kind of just looking normal and going to a job and doing daily things while building a business that no one really knew about All by myself, not knowing how to do anything. I didn't know how to get an LLC or what that looked like. I didn't like I was going to school too at the same time. I was just doing everything all at once, so I was being tested in every single moment, every moment.

Speaker 1: 45:43

That makes sense. We talked about a lot today soul growth. Fa learned some new terms of medical, but I definitely don't know them all, so I wanted to see if listeners could take just one key insider action away from your journey. What would it be?

Speaker 2: 46:08

Just to keep pursuing and not giving up, trusting myself, trusting divine timing and a lot of prayer.

Speaker 1: 46:23

My grandma always said pray, even if things are going good. That's true. Don't call on them just when things are difficult. That's good stuff. Well, stay persistent, keep pushing on, go through. You know all 40 of your recipes of. You know a household lubricant and yeah well, ali, uh, thank you for coming out. Your feedback makes this podcast even better. Drop your thoughts or questions on Instagram, facebook, tiktok, youtube or Buzzsprout. Thank you so much for being part of the Mindforce family. I love you all. See ya, thank you.