Stop Calling It Busy; Your Calendar Knows You’re Lying w/ Scott Maderer

What if the real problem isn’t your calendar or your bank account—but the way you decide? We sit down with Scott, a coach who rebuilt his life and marriage by reframing stewardship of time, talent, and treasure. The conversation starts with a hard truth: you don’t manage time or money; you manage yourself. From there, Scott shares a language shift that changes everything—replacing “I don’t have time” with “that’s not a priority”—and a simple audit that reveals where your hours actually go. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s honest trade-offs that reflect what you truly value.

We dive into talent as the inner operating system: self-awareness, emotional regulation, and decision quality. Scott explains how fear and excitement run on the same biology and how renaming the feeling can unlock bold action, whether that’s a tough conversation or public speaking. His coaching stories bring the ideas to life, including the “Ken and Barbie” couple who looked affluent on the outside but slept on an air mattress while debt grew. By questioning “have to,” they downsized, paid off debt, and redirected resources toward hospitality, service, and joy—proof that money is a mirror, not the problem.

You’ll leave with practical tools: a half-hour time log, a spending awareness check on your biggest leaks, and a why exercise to fuel goals across work, relationships, and finances. Scott maps how one year of aligned decisions can transform marriages, launch side businesses, and open space for travel or service. If you’re ready to move from busy and broke to clear and intentional, this episode offers a straightforward, human playbook for living on purpose. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and tell us: what’s no longer a priority—and what will you choose instead?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:24

It's good to have you back. I'm your host, Nate Shear, and this is Mind Force, the podcast sponsored by the three L's Love, Life, and Learning. Here we have real conversations about life, leadership, and how we show up when it matters. Today's episode sits at the intersection of responsibility and purpose, stewardship of time, stewardship of talent, and stewardship of treasure. These ideas sound simple, yet most people struggle to live them out consistently. This conversation is about intentional living, about choosing what matters, about managing what you've been given so it actually serves your life and not controls you. Scott, welcome to the show. Let's take a moment to say hi to everyone listening.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Hey, how is everybody doing? I look forward to our conversation today.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Absolutely. For those meeting you for the first time, Scott, who are you? What season of life are you in right now? And how did stewardship become central to your work?

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Absolutely. So going back in time, I actually started my kind of life journey, career journey with the idea of going into medical research. I have some hard science degrees. I did research work for a while, figured out that that was really kind of about chasing grant money. Didn't really want to check grant money the rest of my life, so I pivoted and became a school teacher. I did that for 16 years. I taught science here in Texas and loved it, loved every minute of it, enjoyed it, enjoyed the time with the kids, enjoyed the interactions, kind of took a real coaching methodology to my teaching. I didn't call it that at the time, but looking back on it, I realized that I was developing a lot of the coaching skills that I use today back then. Eventually left teaching. My wife and I went through kind of our a personal journey of our own that I'll kind of unpack in a second, but finishing out the kind of career arc. I went into the corporate world. I did that for 11 years, kind of worked myself up into a senior executive position with a big team of people, flying all over the country, doing lots of client work in planes, in airports. In the meantime, my wife and I had our son. And eventually, as we went through this personal journey, so I'll unpack that. We actually had at the end of my teaching career a real financial crisis of our own. I looked up one day and I realized I had more debt than we did made in a year. I felt worthless as a husband. I felt worthless as a provider. And basically, I was suicidal because of finances. My wife and I weren't communicating because, see, I was going to protect her, so I'm not going to tell her about it. And she's going to protect me by not talking to me about it. Of course, that's not the recipe for a good relationship. So we're drifting apart. We're headed towards divorce. And eventually some messages kind of came into both of our lives at the same time that made us realize: look, we can either come together and fight through this and change the way we're living, or we're going to go our separate ways, divorce, you know, end of the marriage. And we decided we're going to fight through this. We're going to change what we're doing. So we radically changed the way we were living our lives. That's at the same time in there as when I went to the corporate job. We started living differently, making different decisions around money, around communication. This is when the stewardship picture re-entered my life. And I began to realize that this was about stewarding the resources and the blessings and doing a good job with those things and making intentional decisions. All of that came together into one. And eventually folks started noticing that we were doing things different. And somebody actually approached us one day after church and said, Y'all are weird. Do you think you could help me be weird? And we're like, Yeah, why not? You know? And eventually that started the coaching thing that eventually turned into a business. And as the coaching business kind of grew, I climbed up the corporate ladder and then climbed back down the corporate ladder so I could transition out of the corporate world into inspired stewardship, which is my coaching business. I started it in 2011 part-time, took it full-time in 2017. And now I've been blessed to work with folks all over the world when they look up one day and think that they have a problem around time and money. And we get to help straighten that out and get them living intentionally and a better life.

Time As The Ultimate Finite Resource

SPEAKER_00 4:38

That's awesome. Well, thanks for coming on the show, Scott. We talked about time, talent, and treasure. Which one of those do you think is the guiding principle?

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Yes, talent at the end of the day. And the reason why I say that is because usually people think that they have a problem with time or with money. They talk about I don't have enough money. They talk about I don't have enough time, I'm too busy, you know, I'm too broke, this sort of mentality. That's the language that we use. But the truth is, you don't manage time and you don't manage money. Those are just tools or resources. They're finite. Instead, what you have to manage is yourself. And so ultimately that talent component is all about developing the skills and the mindset and the mentality to be able to manage yourself well.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Nice. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, Scott, before we get too much farther, I want to flip the mic and see if you have a convert question for me.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Absolutely. So one of the questions I ask every guest that comes on my podcast, which is at the Inspired Stewardship Show, is what does the word stewardship mean to you? So I'm just curious, what's your take of the meaning of the word stewardship?

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Stewardship? Oh, that is not a word I think of very often. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

That's why I ask.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

That is a tough one. Well, I think I would jump to probably immediately. I think of things that I reference and are easy for me to remember. And so I'm active duty military, I'm in the Air Force, and we have these major graded areas. There's four of them, and it's how they grade commanders. So there's leading the people, executing the mission, managing resources, and improving the unit. And so I immediately kind of think of managing resources and that stewardship. So you're given certain things, money, manpower, or whatever it is, and you need to be able to use those effectively. You're not always given, like a lot of times we don't have enough money, we don't have enough people, but you still have to find ways to manage what you can within those. So you have to take on risk where you can, make those calculated decisions on, you know, where can you get something for the most gain? Take on some risk that doesn't, you know, hurt anybody or take on anything that's too bad. And so I think man stewardship, I'd kind of go to that managing resources on how you're graded and doing the best with what you can. Does does that work?

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Awesome. There isn't a right or wrong answer. That's uh, you know, what does the word mean to you? You you literally can't answer that question at all because that's what does it mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Yeah, that's a good one. I like that. Managing resources. Yeah, that's that's a tough one. If we do it well or not, I guess is another thing. But that's what we'll dive into. So, Scott, your first pillar is the stewardship of time. So, when did you realize time was a very valuable asset?

SPEAKER_02 7:24

I think honestly, you kind of know that your whole life in terms of most of us realize that you never have enough time to quote, do all of the things, right? Whatever it is, whatever the list of things is. You know, how many of us have made that list to do list in the morning? You look down, there's 72 items on it, you know, and you're like, hey, I'm gonna get them all done today. No, you're not. You know, it's like, don't lie. You know, it's not gonna happen. And and it's true. It's just the reality is that time is probably the ultimate finite resource because we all have 24 hours in a day, we all have 168 hours in a week, we all, you know, you add it up. And then the other factor that I think makes time from a mindset perspective so important is we never know how much of it we're going to ultimately have. You know, you, I, any of us could walk out of the door tomorrow morning and get hit by lightning. You know, you get run over by a bus, you know, you hear all of those things because the truth is you don't know. You could take your last breath tonight. And so between those two realizations that it's really the ultimate finite resource and nobody's promised tomorrow is where this idea of you've got to be able to use that resource very intentionally, very with a lot of thought and a lot of good management has come about.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah. So what do you say to people? I'm curious your thoughts on the you never have enough time. This is always so interesting. We're given a little amount of time or a lot amount of time, and it seems like no matter what it is, we'll find a way to like get it done. And so, like, is your advice? I think most commonly I hear like prioritization, or do you have another kind of spin on we never have enough time?

Reframing Busy: Priorities Over Excuses

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Well, it really is prioritization. Now, this is my spin on prioritization, though. So for instance, I try really hard and I ask my clients too to take the words out, I don't have time for that. Just take those out of your language. You're no longer allowed to say, I don't have time for that. Instead, you do have to say that's not a priority for me. Now, here's why that's important. It literally changes the way you think about things. Let me give you an example. Imagine you're sitting there at work, and for your listeners, you're you're typing along, you're in your cubicle, whatever it is, you're in your corner office, however, your work is, you're doing it. And a coworker comes by and kind of leans around the corner and goes, Hey, didn't you need to leave a little early today? Because, you know, your daughter's soccer game, didn't you need to make it to your daughter's soccer game? And you look at them and you go, you know, I just don't have time today. I'm too busy. I've got too much to get done. You know, I can't make it. Most of the time in today's culture, people almost sympathize with you. They'll almost kind of pat you on the back, oh, so sorry, we're all so busy. I'm busy too. We can't make, I get it, right? You know, they kind of empathize with that phrasing of I'm too busy or I don't have time. It's almost a badge of honor. If instead you looked at your coworker and you said, you know what, it's really just not a priority for me to make it to my daughter's soccer game. That sounds icky, you know? And your coworker would probably look at you and be like, really, dude? You know, you're kind of a jerk. You know, they might even smack you upside the head. And you would hear it and even think differently about it because it's like, but here's the truth. If you're saying staying at work and doing that email is more important than going to the your daughter's soccer game, that's really what you're doing. You're choosing to do one thing over another. You're prioritizing one thing over another. Admit it. Just admit out loud. That's what I'm doing. Because by the way, you know, maybe that email is really like a life-saving email that if you don't send it, you know, the troops aren't going to be deployed, you know, for the action that they it really is more important than leaving for your daughter's soccer. Okay, great. Stay there and write the stupid email, you know. But on the other hand, for most of us, most of the time, the answer is that email could probably wait till tomorrow, or maybe you could do it an hour later, or maybe you could do it from your nowadays, from your phone while you're at the soccer game. You know, it's not that important. And so when you realize that, you start making different choices with your time. Because that's all it really comes down to is you've got a finite amount of time. It's all about what choices you make to spend it on.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Yeah, I think that's a really good reminder. I remember my first assignment as a hospital administrator. So that's what I do. Run the backside of the hospital. And it was funny, I was assigned to a small clinic, and people are always rushing around, what everything do like yesterday, and they give out these taskers and everyone's. And I remember one of the senior enlisted leaders, a great guy, I wonder where he's at now, but he would drop these like nuggets of gold every once in a while. And he said, We don't have an emergency room, so there's really no true emergency. I was like, and so his point was like yours, like if you need to leave, like go, and it'll be here tomorrow. Like there are hospitals that have ERs and, like you said, troop movements and things like that. Those are real.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

But far and if you're an open heart surgeon and you're the middle of OR, okay, that's one thing. You know, I mean, but most of us, let's face it, for 99.9% of us, and even honestly, for that OR surgeon, there's a large part of their work and their day that can wait, you know, or or or can be done in a different way, or can whatever. You know, so it's it's a lot of times we elevate things to this importance that just isn't real. We're lying to ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Yeah, I wonder where that comes from. Like they want to be seen a certain way or something like that. It reminds me of the Parkinson's law. You're given like a shorter amount of time, you'll still get it done. You're given a week longer, you still take the week longer because you know that you have that backstop. So whatever the deadline might be. Scott, I'm curious, how do people unintentionally waste time while remaining busy?

SPEAKER_02 13:24

You know, I think all of it is to answer your other question, too, of where it comes from, because it's related. A lot of times it's out of fear or out of pride. You know, I think it at our root, I think those two emotions rule a lot of the decision making we have. The the third kind of triad of those emotions, according to psychologists, is guilt and shame. Guilt and shame are kind of the same emotion. They're just slightly different labels. But that those kind of fear, guilt, shame, and then kind of prideful, that could also be anger, you know, kinds of emotions falls into that suite. And what it boils down to is when you start making decisions off of what you should be doing or what people expect of you to do, when you start making decisions based on an externalization, you know, of reality as opposed to what is true, you begin to deflect and make decisions that end up being ultimately not the best decisions. Okay. This is how you end up living someone else's life or someone else's dream, you know, or and think about it, you know, people that are doing that. They're in a job or a career or a relationship or whatever. And it's not really because that's what they would have chosen, it's because that's sort of what they feel obligated to do for some reason, you know, from childhood, their parents, whatever, society, all of these sorts of things. And so when you drill down and you realize that that kind of emotional decision making is changing the way you're living your life. And by the way, it's not that we can ever get rid of the emotions either. It's not like, oh, I'm just gonna stop feeling fear. Yeah, no, you're not. But what you can learn to do is how to have a relationship with the fear where you can work with it and use it for you as opposed to against you. Again, I grew up in San Antonio, military town, USA. I've been all around the military, military in my family. And that's, you know, that people talk about that even in combat situations of, you know, it's not that they're not afraid, but they learn to work through that fear, you know, and kind of almost use it as use it to help as opposed to hurt, you know, and at least in the best scenarios. Now, obviously, not all of us do that all the time. Nobody can. But it's the same thing for us when it comes to the simple stuff like what do we do with our time? We look at busy as a badge of honor. That's what people measure us by. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do, as opposed to wait a minute, am I actually making decisions to get done what is actually important and meaningful and has impact and those sorts of things.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Yeah, that's interesting. It reminds me of Simon Saniq. He talks about it briefly where he talks about the stress thing. And I always love that. I think it's come up on the show a couple of times, but it's always a good reminder. He goes around and he's talking to people that are coming up on a big board meeting or something, and he's like, How are you feeling? And they're like, I'm nervous. And he's like, Well, what are your symptoms? Uh sweaty palms, racing heart rate. And then he went to the Olympics and asked some of the athletes. He's like, Well, what how are you feeling right now? They're like, Oh, sweaty palms, racing heart rate. And he's like, But how are you feeling? And they're like, excited. Excited. So exactly the same, but you know, how you frame what you're doing. So they're using that energy to prove at the highest levels something they've worked their whole life for. So it's not, you know, stress or it's not, well, it's still stress, but it's not a negative stress. It's now a positive stress or using in that appropriate way.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

So that's what's really funny is the neurobiology, if you actually look at the chemical cascade that is released in the mind, and we now can visualize that and measure that, right? When you ask people, how are you feeling, and they say fear or they say excited, it's the exact same chemical cascade. It is literally the exact same wiring, the exact same chemicals, the neurons that are firing. Everything is 100% identical. So they're actually really telling the truth. They're each feeling that emotion because they've labeled it that way. And you literally can do that. So, like, I've never had a fear of public speaking. And people are like, How can you not be afraid of public speaking? I'm like, Because I get excited by public speaking. Because early on, somebody told me, because I started getting, you know, butterflies and all of that. They went, Wow, that must be because you're excited. And I bought it. You know, I was like 12 years old. I'm like, okay, I'm excited. And from then on, I was like, I'm excited. And it never, it was much later when I became an adult and learned about the neurobiology that I went, I completely psyched myself out. I was lying to myself this whole time. It's okay because now I believe it. Now that's just true to me. And so a lot of times you can literally reframe the label of the emotion, and your body reacts accordingly because it doesn't know any better. You know, you're kind of fooling the wiring because, again, really and truly, at the base, we have kind of three categories of emotions. We have the anger category, we have the grief-shame category, and we have the kind of fear category, and that's about it, you know?

SPEAKER_00 18:45

That's interesting. Well, Scott, I'd like to ask you some practical. I think a lot of books and things, sometimes they go into hypotheticals and things like that. On the show, I try to push out some practical tips. So in the time category, what's a practical shift someone that's listening right now could take this day or week and move from reacting all day to living with intention?

SPEAKER_02 19:06

So I'm gonna give you one I already gave you, which is just changing your language. Remove the words, I don't have time for that out of your language, change it to, you know, that's not a priority for me. And that helps you start thinking differently. But let me give you a tool for awareness as well, because it's all well and good to change your language, but most of us, quite frankly, have no clue where our time is going. If I ask you how many hours a week do you spend doing X, you know, pick something, email, watching Netflix, I don't care, pick something. Most people will give you a number, but then if you actually go observe how much time they're spending doing that thing, they're wildly wrong. Okay. So here's the exercise. Anyone can do this. Just take a sheet of paper, write down the side of it, do this with the Excel on the computer if you're on the computer all day. Do it with a handwritten piece of paper, doesn't matter. And about every 30 minutes, put down an increment of time. So from when I get up to when I go to bed every 30 minutes, and have your little watch or your phone or whatever vibrate every 30 minutes just to remind you. And every 30 minutes, just jot down what you did during that half hour. You don't have to capture every detail. This isn't about writing a dissertation. This is about kind of broad strokes. You know, I scrolled Facebook for a little while, I answered a couple of emails, whatever. You know, I doom scrolled, I watched some cat videos, whatever it was you did, you know. I was working on a project, great, but what maybe a little more detail than that? What were you doing on the project or whatever? And what will be interesting is if you do that and you spend, I don't know, three, four days, maybe a week at the most, doing that each day, and then go back and start color coding it and looking at the patterns. What keeps showing up? Where is your time actually going? What is the time that you're doing? You know, what's your commute time? What's your time that you're answering email? What's your time that you're watching Netflix? What's your time that you're cooking dinner? You know, whatever. Just the patterns, the buckets. And a lot of times people will immediately, two or three things that'll jump out at them that they're like, I can't believe I'm spending that much time doing XYZ. Now, it doesn't mean you can instantaneously look at that and go, oh, well, that means I just stopped doing that. No, it's not necessarily a stop or a start, but it's information because now I can start making intentional choices about that activity. Is there a way, you know, if it's one I want to get less of, is there a way I can do that? Or if not, is there a way I could use it and still be more effective with it? So I'll give you an example. I used to have a really long commute to work. So at some point I said, I'm gonna stop listening to just music and stuff like that, and I'm gonna start listening to podcasts and audiobooks that actually teach me something. And I turned it into auto university. You know, I devoured dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of books that were about leadership and development and neurobiology and communication and all of this stuff. And guess what? That started showing up in my skill set and in my life. So that's an example of I couldn't get rid of that time. I mean, at that time I lived a certain distance from where I worked. It took me a certain amount of time to get to work, but I can repurpose it. So it allows you to begin looking at those times that you are using and making different. Decisions about what you're doing with your time.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

I've never really thought about that, which is funny because I remember two different examples. I one started using a budgeting app years ago, you need a budget, and I was like mad I had to pay for it, and then realized like by just being aware of where everything was going, I like saved more money than the expense for the actual subscription. Or like when I started, which I probably should still do, logging your calories in my fitness pal, and you're like, I probably shouldn't have eaten three bags of chips or you know, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

But awareness that entire dozen donuts might have been a bit much.

Redefining Talent As Inner Work

SPEAKER_00 22:59

When you have to like punch it in and see it in front of you, it uh hurts a little bit more. But I think that's an important reminder, like you said, just the data to be able to make those informed decisions. Well, Scott, that's your first pillar. Second one is stewardship of talent. So, how do you define talent beyond skills or job titles?

SPEAKER_02 23:17

So, to me, talent is that internal intentionality that we were just talking about. It is that decision-making paradigm. It is becoming aware of yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, but also your decisions and your why you make certain decisions. It's doing the hard internal work. And honestly, it's the hardest of the three because it is that messy internal stuff. And quite frankly, most of us don't like thinking about that. We don't like looking at what we're doing. We don't like thinking about why we're doing it. We would rather just sort of, it's it's just who I am. It's just how I am. It's just the way I do. Yeah, but why? And not only why, but is it serving you well? So it can be as simple as figuring out the habit behind why you're eating two bags of chips, you know, and what can I do to change my environment and change the world so that I don't eat two bags of chips? You know, it can be something as simple as that. And it also can be something as big as, you know, why am I making certain decisions around my money or around my time that aren't serving me well? You know, why am I blowing all of my money on an activity that when I look back at it, I'm like, well, why did I spend all my money on that? You know, it didn't really get me any happiness or joy or value or anything else. I we'll talk about when I get to money, but you know, I've seen people make very interesting decisions with money. And then when you dig in and ask them why and start unpacking the reasoning, it really boils down to to impress people that they don't even know. Yeah. Really? That's your decision making? But once they become aware, and again, we're back to that awareness category of, well, actually, now that is why I'm doing it. It's like, okay, well, then do you want to keep doing that? And all of a sudden it's like, no, that's really not serving me. Okay, now we can actually do the work of changing those decisions. Because again, as long as they're habit and unconscious, you just keep doing what you've been doing and you keep getting what you've been getting, you know?

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Yeah, that makes sense. So in your coaching experience, have you seen a lot of these tied uh to trauma or you know, you're getting to the root cause of some of these issues. Have you seen kind of a trend?

SPEAKER_02 25:38

It's all over the place. It comes from childhood in terms of what they observed in their family dynamics. It can come from there. But here's what's interesting. Even there, it's not like there's any one pattern. So I'll give you the an example. You you could live in a household where you were blessed by an abundance of resources. You know, mom and dad had really great jobs, you lived in a really great neighborhood, you had, you know, really nice house, you had nice stuff, all of these blessings. And if you think about it, you probably know someone who grew up like that that kind of turned into a little bit of a, how shall we say, arrogant SOB? They walk around like everything should go their way and they're kind of entitled and that kind of thing. And you're like, man, they grew up like that, and man, they're a jerk because of it. But equally, I know some people that grew up in that environment, and because of it, they're now one of the most giving, kind-hearted, helping. Just they just exude, you want to be around them because they just exude that kind of spirit of what can I do to serve you? And yet, you know, you're looking at them, you're like, you're worth like a billion dollars. What do you, you know, why are you like this? Because it's interesting because it's not the environment, but it's that complicated set of things around your nature, right, which is our genetics and our biology and how we were, our nurture, which is how we're raised and the environment that we find ourselves in. But even there, it's more complicated because some people begin to make intentional decisions that say, yeah, this is how I'm wired and this is how I'm raised, but I'm still going to do something else, you know? And so it is that it's interesting that it's there are patterns, but they're not patterns in terms of everyone responds to those things the same way, which is what makes it fun as a coach, because when you're digging in and helping people figure it out and unpack, it's always brand new. I can't go in there with any assumptions. I have to go in with questions and help unpack so that they discover what's going on and why. You know, I can't come in and go, obviously, Nate, this is why you're doing that, because there's no obviously, you know, it's it's no one pattern.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Yeah, it's so wild to me. In the military or leadership roles and whatnot, we always try to make like these solutions that like, you know, works for everybody. And it's just so funny that how complex and interesting people are. We're just, if you've met one person, you've met one person. But it's just so wild to me how you know we're all so different. I I said I have my master's, and I don't know if I'd ever go for my doctorate, but if I ever do, my dissertation will definitely be on how like a difficult upbringing can push someone to be successful and do amazing things, or to go to drugs in jail. Like there's some tiny thing where, you know, maybe you bumped into the right person or whatnot, but it's just wild to me. Some people are like, I want to, you know, I grew up poor, so I want to be successful and take care of others. Or I was dealt a bad hand, so I'm just gonna do drugs. Like, and it's just wild. There's some small tipping point along the way. Well, Scott, I'd like to ask uh on the show, I like the practical tips. The other thing I love is stories. I think we learn hearing about other people. So can you tell a story about where owning someone's uh talent changed the trajectory of their life?

SPEAKER_02 29:10

Oh boy, so this also spills over into money a little bit, but it it'll illustrate what we were just talking about in terms of the decisions you make and why you make them. I had a client couple that I lovingly refer to as Ken and Barbie. I have their permission to call them Ken and Barbie. I do not have their permission to use their role names. That's why I choose to call them Ken and Barbie. And they know I tell this story. So they were very successful folks. He was a doctor, she was a lawyer, kind of, you know, this kind of career path. But they had also graduated with a large amount of student loan debt and, you know, other things like that. They lived in the nicest house on the block. He drove a brand new Lexus, leased, she drove a brand new BMW, leased, a, you know, members of the country club, all of the trappings that anyone looking at them from outside would look at and go, this couple's got it going on. You know, nicest clothes, nicest jewelry, nicest hairdos, everything. Here's what's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Every time they entertained and they threw a lot of parties, they always threw them at the country club. Any clue why? They had nothing at their house?

SPEAKER_02 30:25

If you walked in their house, they slept on an air mattress, they had a couple of lawn chairs in the middle of the living room, and a TV. That was it. And they were spending every dollar they made, and then some, okay, and continuing to go deeper and deeper into debt. And it was why? And when we dug in and started asking questions, you know, what's going on? Why are you making these decisions? You know, this is where language comes in. You know, oh well, we have to do this. Have to do well, why do you have to? Why do you have to? Why are you making that decision? What what's the have to part of it? And it really did boil down to they both had taken on this persona that, hey, if we have these jobs, we're expected to live a certain way. You know, it it's just this is what's expected of us. We have to live in the right neighborhood, we have to have the biggest house, we have to have the nicest cars, we have to and yet when they started thinking about it, they're like, Why do we have to? You know, and they started changing the decisions they were making and they started changing the way they were living. And they they moved ultimately. I never told them to, they decided to. Now, they didn't move like to the middle of the the sticks in, you know, this ramshackle. They still lived in a really nice house, but they bought a smaller house that they could better afford the payments on, started using money differently, got themselves out of debt, got themselves where they had money to spend on things that were important. By the way, they still entertained a lot, but all of a sudden they entertained at their house, you know, and it brought them more joy. They brought, they bought a house really with the idea in mind of we want a smaller house, but we want one we can still entertain. So the kitchen and the backyard, you know, that kind of thing became important. They really thought about what who we are, what do we want to do, what do we want to be known for, and then redid their life to align their life with that. Now it didn't, it wasn't instantaneous. It took them about six years to kind of get everything together. But they ended up, by the way, they're actually now one of the couples that I know for a fact give hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars to charity every year. They do all sorts of philanthropic, they work for nonprofits, they're on the boards, you know, they do all of this other stuff because all of a sudden they realize, hey, if we actually align our life with the way we really think is important, then all this other stuff that is important to us that they weren't able to do because they couldn't afford to, they didn't have the time to, they didn't have the, we can actually do all of those things. And so it becomes I can have my cake and eat it too, but only if I do the hard work of actually, you know, unpacking all of that stuff and figuring out that I'm not living this way because that's the way that gets me what I want and what I'm called to do and what I've been designed and built to do. It's I'm doing this because I think other people are gonna approve less of me if I don't. And what's interesting, while they did all of that, they did lose some friends, but they gained a whole bunch of other ones. And the ones they gained are were all friends that they're like, these are really people that these are the people that we care about. These are people that that bond with us. So even their community changed because they were living differently. You know, all of a sudden the folks that were there, well, uh my opinion, for a bit of a handout, you know, those people disappeared, you know, and maybe that's not all bad. Yeah. And the people that were around them were the people that were lifting them up and walking with them and, you know, doing doing the same sort of things and living the same kind of way.

Money As Symptom, Not The Problem

SPEAKER_00 34:07

Yeah, that's an awesome story. Getting to the root of it, actually figuring out and building your life around it. I love the phrase have to, and you you probably don't have to. So anyone that's listening, I think that's a good reminder there. Maybe you have to, but probably in a lot of cases you don't. Well, the final pillar for you, Scott, is uh stewardship of treasure. So, how do you help people rethink their relationship with money and resources?

SPEAKER_02 34:29

You know, we've touched on it a lot throughout the pillars already, because uh a lot of the actual unpacking of all of this, it's the same mindset. You know, in some ways, that's the reason. I started with the money idea, right? That was where my problems were. My my wife and I had this horrible financial issue, you know, nearly divorced, all of this stuff because of money. And what I eventually realized or what caused us to change is money wasn't the problem. The problem was the decisions we were making and it was showing up in our money. No, it was the symptom, not the problem. And so with folks, it's the same thing. It's helping them realize that money's not actually the problem. By the way, I don't care if you make$37,000 a year or$370,000 a year or$3.7 million a year, you still end up with choices about money. Best well-off, most affluent client that I've ever had made about$200,000 a month. Okay, and had for like seven years. And people are like, why do they need a money coach? Because guess what? There were still things about the way they were making decisions about money that they needed to unpack and understand. Now, now, granted, the decisions they made around money were wildly different than the decisions that I make around money, you know, because they had opportunities like should I buy a plane or continue to charter flights everywhere I go? I mean, that's a legit conversation for somebody that's making that kind of money. But, you know, where me, it's more like, do I rent from Avis or budget? You know, that's you know, right? That's kind of but that's because there's different amounts of zeros, but the the thought process, the decision making is actually the same. And the same thing happens when you're at the other end and you make$30,000 a year. You've still got a limit, you've still got decision making, and you've still got to align what your values are, what's most important, and have that show up in your money. And the funny thing is, is when you start making those decisions differently, I've also seen that it ends up happening that you get blessed with more resources. Because it's it's almost, you know, I'm a person of faith. I believe in the biblical principle of when you're faithful with the little things, you know, you'll be blessed with more. It happens, you know. All of a sudden I've seen people going, huh, you know, money just showed up. And it didn't really. What happens is they're making different decisions. People observe them making different decisions and they give them more responsibility. That may be a new leadership position, that may be something, but they get more responsibility because they're being wiser. Just think about it. If if the people around you are doing smart things, you know, you're in a position where you've got people that report to you. The people that are doing the best, smartest things are probably the people that get the most opportunities, you know. Yeah. In the long run, at least, you know, we're the folks that are kind of like, you're just kind of scraping by. You're kind of going to stay right where you're at for a while. You know, maybe we'll eventually get you up to something with more responsibility, but it's going to take a while. And so it's this natural kind of coalescing of the way you think about your money, the way you think about your time, is really into that bucket of talent because it is about how you're making decisions and how you're thinking. And so that's why for me, it's so important to do the exact same things that we're talking about. You mentioned earlier using Wine App, you know, become aware of your money. Where is your money going? Again, 99% of the people out there, if I say, How much are you spending on? I'll pick on the favorite one. Going out to eat, exactly. That's the number one. They'll give you a number and they're wildly wrong. And it's always too small. You know, it's stop and think. You go out to eat nowadays with a family of four, that's a hundred bucks.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:25

I mean, and that's at McDonald's, you know. I mean, that's like, you know, I don't care where you go, you know, it's, it's, you're dropping a hundred bucks. And they people don't think of it that way. They're like, oh yeah, I'm really not spending that much going out to eat. Oh, how many times do you eat out? Oh, once a week. How many people are in your family? Four. You're spending more than you think. Okay. And that, but that awareness, and and again, going out to eat's not bad. It's just, is that serving you well or not? And a lot of times when you become aware, you start making different decisions.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

So you mentioned a lot of different good advice. I'm curious, Scott, what's the first step? I think, you know, maybe data collection and kind of getting after that. But is there that first step? Because you mentioned it a couple of times, like what is important? Do you kind of sit down and jot down and brainstorm on what's important? Or what's like, if someone wanted to start getting after this, how would they get after it?

Finding Your Why To Fuel Goals

SPEAKER_02 39:19

On the important side, the value side, I like to take people through an exercise that I call a why exercise, which is finding your why. Most of us are really good, or at least passively good at goals. Let me define it. A goal has a beginning, a middle, and an end. I want to lose weight, I'm losing weight, I have lost weight. There's a beginning, a middle, and an end, right? I want to save money, I'm saving money, I have saved money. You know, whatever the goal is, you can kind of put it in that framework. There's always a beginning, a middle, and an end. A why, on the other hand, is the emotional fuel that drives the goals. In other words, if I you go back to that, I want to lose weight. Yeah, why? Why do you want to lose weight? Well, because I want to be healthier. Okay, great. Why do you want to be healthier? Well, because you know, and you almost have to kind of keep diving in and turn into this kind of inner toddler. Why, why, why, why, you know, and unpack it because usually, ultimately, most people are driven by things like I want the freedom to be able to make different decisions. I want flexibility in my life. I want to be able to take care of the people that I care about. I want to be able to give more, serve more, or they're they're things that they're the deep, meaningful things, right? You know, they're the stuff that kind of show up on people's tombstones. You know, they're the things that show up in epitaphs and and stories about people that we tell. You know, that person's awesome. Why? Well, because they do this. You know, that it's that stuff. And yet most of us never dig in and realize what it is that actually motivates us and what it is that actually drives us. And until you do that and connect it to the goals, the goals are really just kind of dreams and resolutions. It's much harder to follow through on a goal without the the fuel of the why. It's it's kind of like having a GPS that shows you the map, but then you never put gas in the car. You're not going anywhere. Okay. So it is sitting down and thinking about all of the components of your life. So if you've done any of the like wheel of life exercises, right, they talk about career, relationship, finances, spiritual, these sorts of pillars of our life. And going through them and going, what do I want to be true in that part of my life? And why do I want that to be true? And what would I want it to look like in the future? And painting that picture.

SPEAKER_00 41:55

Yeah, it's funny to me. I've had, you know, I think I'm over a hundred episodes now and had multiple different ones on success. And I've had people that hit rock bottom before they figured it out or were living, but it's just so commonly where people said they thought it was the cars, the money, the house, and whatnot. And like in your example, they really found the joy in hosting people and giving back and feeding people and things like that. So it's just such a good reminder, like completely different guests from different parts of the world. And it all comes back to some level of social environment and taking care of others, which I mean, if we're going back to the Bible, obviously, you know, love God and love your neighbor. So pretty easy principles from the beginning. Well, Scott, you had a lot of good pillars. Those three were really awesome. I'm curious if we could pull all this together. So if someone intentionally sewered their time, talent, and treasure for the next year, what kind of clarity and freedom could they expect?

SPEAKER_02 42:50

It's amazing. I have, I'm gonna give real examples. So I have had clients that in a year completely radically transformed their marriage, have gone from nearly divorced to actually communicating with each other, being on the same page, fighting out of that hole that they were in together. I've had folks who have knocked down and woken up dreams that they had kind of buried, like starting their own business, for example. I I've had several clients that were like, you know, I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur, but I've never even believed I could do that and and gone and started a side business or started a sometimes even quit their job and started a business. But because it w it was their dream and then they buried it. You know I've had people that have traveled more. I've got a client right now that was like, you know, I want to go live in Asia for a while. And he's in Bangkok, living in Asia. Because all of a sudden they can make those sorts of decisions because they've restructured their life to align with what's really important, like you were talking about, you know, Ken and Barbie that all of a sudden found their joy in entertaining and feeding and serving people and being on boards and doing all that. They can do those things because they've created the time and the money to be able to do them. And of course the first step is they have to know what they are, you know. But then it's a matter of aligning those things that you can actually live the way you want to. And I've seen it in a million different ways with the clients that that I've had.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

That's awesome. Yeah. Getting to that route and then building around it. Scott, I appreciate your wisdom and grounded perspectives. Thanks for sharing it here. Where can listeners connect with you and learn a little more about your work?

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Absolutely. So I put together a landing page just for your listeners of your show. I try to always have some resources available. If you go over to my website, which is inspiredstewardship.com and then just put in forward slash mind force, just like the show, what you'll find there is some free resources that you can just download. As well, there's information about my book, Inspired Living, which kind of goes through a lot of those frameworks that I shared, but there's a lot of other activities in there. So if anything resonated with you and you want to kind of go further with it, you can pick up a copy of the book Inspired Living. There's information about my podcast. And as well, there's a link there where you can jump on my calendar if anything I said resonated with you and just like to talk further about it. No, no pressure, no hard sales calls. I don't do any of that stuff because it's just a waste of time and energy. But and you can find all of that again over at inspiredstewardship.com forward slash mindforce.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

Awesome. Well, thank you for coming out, Scott. To everyone listening, thanks for giving us your time today. If this helps, please push it out. Give it to someone that may need it. I love you all. See ya.